*Long suffering sigh*
OK, I did this challenge and by the gods it SUCKS but you know what?? That's what I was going for.
Title: I'm to Unsexy for my Love
Author: Minnie
Rating: NC-17
Series: Harry Potter
Pairing: Harry/??????
Warning: THIS IS A PARODY, TONS OF OCC!!!
Summary: The worst sex scene ever written!
A/N:Inspired by the challenge of makesmewannadie (http://www.livejournal.com/users/makesmewannadie/39469.html) It's a smut/vocabulary challenge, I am using the unsexy column. The list of words is as follows and I must use at least 15 of them!!!
Semen, Vagina, Tummy, Butt, Howl, Puffy, Grunted, Weeping, Yelled, Bucked, Scrotum, Penis, Prostate, Explode, Anus, Tug, Perineum, Saliva, Testicles, Foreskin, Cheeks, Rape, Puff, Asshole, Groan, Root (n), Stick (v), Scissor, Yank, Squelch, Ream (v), Slack (adj), Limp (adj), Labia, Cockhead, Glans, Oozing, Proud, Moist, Swallow, Slurp, Stab, Penetrate, Sphincter. (list words italisized)
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"I felt it in my tummy, the stab of desire as a groan escaped my lips. My breath was coming in short gasps as my cheeks flushed from the excitement. I grunted as the the fingers brushed against my prostate, the fingers then scissored to give my asshole some slack. My penis stood proudly as it was slowly oozing and weeping from the contact I was recieving. My sphincter was over sensitized as his cockhead penetrated my anus.
"If this wasn't rape I would definetly enjoy it much more since I was a virgin until this very moment. The man buried himself to the root and his testicles rested against my perineum. The man bucked into my butt making me howl in discomfort of the forcefulness of the reaming I was getting at the moment. Then I felt the man explode in my asshole and his semen was warm and almost comforting, there was a puff of moist breath against my shoulder .
"The guy then reached around and yanked on my foreskin and let me tell you that hurt, it squelched the erection I had so I didn't get much out of that, so he flips me over and swallows me whole, to the root, with a slurping sound I could feel the glands in the back of his throat and they were puffy, it felt really weird. And the stubble the man had, good gods it was so scratchy against my scrotum, I couldn't hardly stand it, I yelled when he moved his lower jaw and it scratched me something fierce, it was so rough, it had been a few days since he'd shaved that's for sure." Harry took a breath before continuing his description.
"My penis was limp by now, and covered in his saliva quite gross really, I thought he was going to try and stick his penis in me again but that didn't happen, he just grabbed mine and gave it a tug but nothing happened after that he got up and left. And then I woke up." Harry finished with a great sigh.
"You know Harry, if you keep having dreams like that, someone may think that you're masochistic. Not only that but we need to work on your vocabulary, if you were trying to turn someone one, well that's just about the most unsexy thing I've even heard."
"What are you saying that I'm too unsexy for my love?" Harry quirked an eyebrow before he broke into peals of laughter, Hermione joined him.
Well I hope it at least made you laugh!!!!
Title: I'm to Unsexy for my Love
Author: Minnie
Rating: NC-17
Series: Harry Potter
Pairing: Harry/??????
Warning: THIS IS A PARODY, TONS OF OCC!!!
Summary: The worst sex scene ever written!
A/N:Inspired by the challenge of makesmewannadie (http://www.livejournal.com/users/makesmewannadie/39469.html) It's a smut/vocabulary challenge, I am using the unsexy column. The list of words is as follows and I must use at least 15 of them!!!
Semen, Vagina, Tummy, Butt, Howl, Puffy, Grunted, Weeping, Yelled, Bucked, Scrotum, Penis, Prostate, Explode, Anus, Tug, Perineum, Saliva, Testicles, Foreskin, Cheeks, Rape, Puff, Asshole, Groan, Root (n), Stick (v), Scissor, Yank, Squelch, Ream (v), Slack (adj), Limp (adj), Labia, Cockhead, Glans, Oozing, Proud, Moist, Swallow, Slurp, Stab, Penetrate, Sphincter. (list words italisized)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I felt it in my tummy, the stab of desire as a groan escaped my lips. My breath was coming in short gasps as my cheeks flushed from the excitement. I grunted as the the fingers brushed against my prostate, the fingers then scissored to give my asshole some slack. My penis stood proudly as it was slowly oozing and weeping from the contact I was recieving. My sphincter was over sensitized as his cockhead penetrated my anus.
"If this wasn't rape I would definetly enjoy it much more since I was a virgin until this very moment. The man buried himself to the root and his testicles rested against my perineum. The man bucked into my butt making me howl in discomfort of the forcefulness of the reaming I was getting at the moment. Then I felt the man explode in my asshole and his semen was warm and almost comforting, there was a puff of moist breath against my shoulder .
"The guy then reached around and yanked on my foreskin and let me tell you that hurt, it squelched the erection I had so I didn't get much out of that, so he flips me over and swallows me whole, to the root, with a slurping sound I could feel the glands in the back of his throat and they were puffy, it felt really weird. And the stubble the man had, good gods it was so scratchy against my scrotum, I couldn't hardly stand it, I yelled when he moved his lower jaw and it scratched me something fierce, it was so rough, it had been a few days since he'd shaved that's for sure." Harry took a breath before continuing his description.
"My penis was limp by now, and covered in his saliva quite gross really, I thought he was going to try and stick his penis in me again but that didn't happen, he just grabbed mine and gave it a tug but nothing happened after that he got up and left. And then I woke up." Harry finished with a great sigh.
"You know Harry, if you keep having dreams like that, someone may think that you're masochistic. Not only that but we need to work on your vocabulary, if you were trying to turn someone one, well that's just about the most unsexy thing I've even heard."
"What are you saying that I'm too unsexy for my love?" Harry quirked an eyebrow before he broke into peals of laughter, Hermione joined him.
Well I hope it at least made you laugh!!!!