1) Had said cute asian girl all picked out, even got a contortonist to fold herself up and stick herself in a spare piece of luggage I brought along for just such instance. I thought I was in the clear with smuggling her in to the US for her when they didn't check my luggage as I was leaving China. Unfortunately, they don't pressureize the luggage compartment quite the same as they do the cabin of the plane, so she didn't make the trip. I was going to dump the body outside the SanFran airport, but unfortunately I was inspspected by customs on my way out, and they found her. Boy that was a hard one to talk myself out of. But I think its better that things happened this way, because as it turned out she had a multitude of disease... foot and mouth, mad cow, SARS, that crazy chicken disease, and to top of off (get this) the black plague! So, I guess you've got a higher power lookin after you or something. China is a damn dirty place.
2) Just to fill you in... I am currently a student of the Chinese language, whcih sparked my desire to actually visit the country. If you desire to go, there are only a couple phrases you need to know.
"Bu yao." This is used when being harassed by people selling shoddy goods outside of tourist spots. It is simply: I dont want it.
"Bie mafan wo!" This is a necessity, as at same said tourist spots you will be asaulted with the diseased and crippled reaching out and grabbing at you begging you for money. Meaning: Don't bother me!
"Tai gui a!" Bartering is huge in china. Street vendors are the best. No matter what the price, use this phrase and get it cheaper. Just tell them: That is too expensive!
%
1) Now this might seem odd to you, it might seem disturbing to others, but do you still happen to have the corpse? or did airport security make off with that sweet loot? Well, let me know if yous till have access to it. Cause hey, at least I could have the corpse stuffed and start a museum or something. It'd be nice to have a manikin around.
2) I've thus memorized the sayings you perscribed. And will now Compose an entire paragraph based on my new knowledge of the Chinese language.
"Bu yao. Tai gui a! Bu yao! Bie Mafan wo!"
That's it. Since I now know the only three lines I ever need to know to get my way from one end of China to the other I should go there on a trip. Or maybe I should start teaching Americants how to speak Chinese. I'll translate the sentence for you slow people.
The basic premise is that I'm trying to order a cold beverage: "I dont want it. That is too expensive! I dont want it, don't bother me!"
Now, obviously this will not get me said cold beverage, however it will prevent me from paying to much for the cold beverage. I think we all know where this is going.
1) Had said cute asian girl all picked out, even got a contortonist to fold herself up and stick herself in a spare piece of luggage I brought along for just such instance. I thought I was in the clear with smuggling her in to the US for her when they didn't check my luggage as I was leaving China. Unfortunately, they don't pressureize the luggage compartment quite the same as they do the cabin of the plane, so she didn't make the trip. I was going to dump the body outside the SanFran airport, but unfortunately I was inspspected by customs on my way out, and they found her. Boy that was a hard one to talk myself out of. But I think its better that things happened this way, because as it turned out she had a multitude of disease... foot and mouth, mad cow, SARS, that crazy chicken disease, and to top of off (get this) the black plague! So, I guess you've got a higher power lookin after you or something. China is a damn dirty place.
2) Just to fill you in... I am currently a student of the Chinese language, whcih sparked my desire to actually visit the country. If you desire to go, there are only a couple phrases you need to know.
"Bu yao." This is used when being harassed by people selling shoddy goods outside of tourist spots. It is simply: I dont want it.
"Bie mafan wo!" This is a necessity, as at same said tourist spots you will be asaulted with the diseased and crippled reaching out and grabbing at you begging you for money. Meaning: Don't bother me!
"Tai gui a!" Bartering is huge in china. Street vendors are the best. No matter what the price, use this phrase and get it cheaper. Just tell them: That is too expensive! %
Reply
2) I've thus memorized the sayings you perscribed. And will now Compose an entire paragraph based on my new knowledge of the Chinese language.
"Bu yao. Tai gui a! Bu yao! Bie Mafan wo!"
That's it. Since I now know the only three lines I ever need to know to get my way from one end of China to the other I should go there on a trip. Or maybe I should start teaching Americants how to speak Chinese. I'll translate the sentence for you slow people.
The basic premise is that I'm trying to order a cold beverage:
"I dont want it. That is too expensive! I dont want it, don't bother me!"
Now, obviously this will not get me said cold beverage, however it will prevent me from paying to much for the cold beverage. I think we all know where this is going.
Nowhere. So I'll stop :)
Reply
Leave a comment