When you can't put it in the crapper.....

[minkiebo]

I decided a couple of weeks ago to do something insane special for Bryan's birthday and get a Brazilian Bikini Wax for the first time. After nearly getting hit by a car and running around in circles I finally found the waxing bar and with what little bit of nerves I had left, mustered up the strength to go inside! As soon as I got in the ladies were very nice and welcoming and kindly suggested that I was welcome to use the restroom before they ripped the hairs off of my vagina. I thought..."Good, I can go make sure I am nice and fresh down there!" I went into the restroom and sat down to pee and it hit me....the sudden uncontrollable urge to take a dump. OH NO...please no..my mind starts racing thinking "What's worse pooping before the wax or after...How thorough will she be?..Will she know I have a prairie dog waiting to rear his ugly head?" I finally convinced myself that pooping before was definitely the better choice as a Brazilian includes butt hair too. As I am finishing up it then hit me that what if I am not as thorough as I need to be and don't wipe every single last bit off shit off my ass and she gets poopy waxing papers....I WOULD BE MORTIFIED!! So I went over and got some paper towels and soap and started feverishly cleaning my butthole. As I go to toss the evidence in the toilet I see a HUGE sign over the toilet saying in all bold caps "DO NOT THROW PAPER TOWELS IN THE TOILET...IT WILL OVERFLOW"....omg omg....the clock is ticking and I have been in there a good 5 minutes with all these horrifying decisions and cleaning and pooping and I know they are sitting outside thinking..."what is taking this lady so long...she didn't even have to use the restroom until we suggested it...what could she possibly be doing in there???" Now I am in full panic mode knowing that I have been in there too long and what do I do with these poopy paper towels...if I toss them in the toilet and say a prayer there is a good chance my shit and all paper towels will be all over the bathroom floor in a matter of seconds and how do I explain that...on the other hand if I toss it in the trash can then they will KNOW it was me who threw my poopy towels in the trashcan and how do I live with myself being "that" weirdo. I realized I had no other choice but to do the unthinkable.....I threw them in the bottom of my pretty pink purse...zipped it up....and walked out as if I was NOT walking around with shit paper towels in my handbag.

Needless to say, as soon as I was done I found the closest gas station...tossed the evidence and blew outta of there as quickly as my little white car would take me.

I think I need a drink.