Boys Suck
Why is it that boys think it is ok to play with a girl's emotions? When I asked a male friend he said it is because women do it too. How is that even justified? If I haven't hurt you or played with your emotions, why would that be a good reason to do it?
Where is this coming from?
Well last night I went out to Darcy's to watch the drunk pub crawlers walk in. I went because I was trying to get in closer with a guy I liked. We got high together and were having a great time, until an old friend walked in. He became flirty quickly and all the sexual tension that has always been between us came back. We decided to go for a very long walk to talk. He told me how things were not going well with his girlfriend and how getting out of the relationship is hard bc they live in a one bedroom apartment. As we walked holding hands, I told him how my life was going. We made frequent stops and just held each other. During one of our stops he told me how much he missed me and how he wished we were together. He told me how he always wondered what things would be like if we had gotten together and how he let me get away. He told me that I was the one he's always wanted. Thinking about it now, it all sounds like complete bull. But I too was drunk and ate it all up. I told him how I've always liked him and how much I missed him. I told him that I too wondered what it would be like if we were together. He then told me that we could be together and no one would have to know. I've been there..done that..and it is no fun. I don't want to be insecure enough that I would do it. So I told him no and that if he wanted to be with me he would have to leave his gf. We knew it was too complicated for that and I couldn't handle being the girl on the side so we decided to go our separate ways, and he told me that of he did become single he would come to me. (Oh and there were kisses given here and there along the walk). So I went back to hanging out with the other boy I originally liked. I think by going on the walk and ditching him I ruined my chances. I don't know. But I wish I hadn't gone on that walk.
This morning I texted my walking partner and asked him if he had meant what he said or if it was just drunk talk. Our text convo went like this:
Him: Probably a mix of both. Why?
Me: Idk. Been thinking about last night and wondering how much was truthful.
Him: Well it was just a night where emotions were flying high and you know I care about you.
Me: K. It just was a lot to hear and take in. And it meant a lot to hear those things. And it just sucks to know that it doesn't mean as much as i did last night, especially when I'm sure I ruined my chance with (boy I originally liked).
Him: Sorry about that
Me: Just don't do it again. Don't tell me those things unless you mean them.
Him: Will do
WTF. He showed no remorse for hurting me. You don't play with a girl's emotions like that. All he can say is that he was stupid.
I HATE BOYS! And apparently I fall for the same type of guy. The one that uses me, the one that has a gf but tells me he cares. The one who I'm not good enough to be his gf. And although he says he was stupid, I feel like the stupid one for believing his bullshit and letting myself get vulnerable enough to believe it.
Last night was supposed to be a good night. i was supposed to get to know the boy I liked better. My friend says that this boy does, but I didn't get to find out. And I don't know if I will. Knowing that after letting my feelings out I get hurt, how can I try it again? Every time I just get hurt.
Where is this coming from?
Well last night I went out to Darcy's to watch the drunk pub crawlers walk in. I went because I was trying to get in closer with a guy I liked. We got high together and were having a great time, until an old friend walked in. He became flirty quickly and all the sexual tension that has always been between us came back. We decided to go for a very long walk to talk. He told me how things were not going well with his girlfriend and how getting out of the relationship is hard bc they live in a one bedroom apartment. As we walked holding hands, I told him how my life was going. We made frequent stops and just held each other. During one of our stops he told me how much he missed me and how he wished we were together. He told me how he always wondered what things would be like if we had gotten together and how he let me get away. He told me that I was the one he's always wanted. Thinking about it now, it all sounds like complete bull. But I too was drunk and ate it all up. I told him how I've always liked him and how much I missed him. I told him that I too wondered what it would be like if we were together. He then told me that we could be together and no one would have to know. I've been there..done that..and it is no fun. I don't want to be insecure enough that I would do it. So I told him no and that if he wanted to be with me he would have to leave his gf. We knew it was too complicated for that and I couldn't handle being the girl on the side so we decided to go our separate ways, and he told me that of he did become single he would come to me. (Oh and there were kisses given here and there along the walk). So I went back to hanging out with the other boy I originally liked. I think by going on the walk and ditching him I ruined my chances. I don't know. But I wish I hadn't gone on that walk.
This morning I texted my walking partner and asked him if he had meant what he said or if it was just drunk talk. Our text convo went like this:
Him: Probably a mix of both. Why?
Me: Idk. Been thinking about last night and wondering how much was truthful.
Him: Well it was just a night where emotions were flying high and you know I care about you.
Me: K. It just was a lot to hear and take in. And it meant a lot to hear those things. And it just sucks to know that it doesn't mean as much as i did last night, especially when I'm sure I ruined my chance with (boy I originally liked).
Him: Sorry about that
Me: Just don't do it again. Don't tell me those things unless you mean them.
Him: Will do
WTF. He showed no remorse for hurting me. You don't play with a girl's emotions like that. All he can say is that he was stupid.
I HATE BOYS! And apparently I fall for the same type of guy. The one that uses me, the one that has a gf but tells me he cares. The one who I'm not good enough to be his gf. And although he says he was stupid, I feel like the stupid one for believing his bullshit and letting myself get vulnerable enough to believe it.
Last night was supposed to be a good night. i was supposed to get to know the boy I liked better. My friend says that this boy does, but I didn't get to find out. And I don't know if I will. Knowing that after letting my feelings out I get hurt, how can I try it again? Every time I just get hurt.