Fuck it. And a public entry too!
Well once again Kristy has given her heart to someone who doesn't want it. I can't say I'm surprised, can you? It's very typical of her... she meets someone... she likes them... she befriends them... and then she little by little opens up and bears her soul and finds herself falling without even realizing it. Before she knows it, there's the stupid L word rearing it's ugly head... and that's of course when it all falls apart. She's so good at it now, she doesn't even need to be dating the person for her heart to get smashed.
Very typical. But at least I'm used to it. But now it's over and done with. Hopefully he and I will still be friends, I want that more than anything else. But I can't let myself hope too hard on that one because last time someone swore we'd be friends, he completely shut me out of his life (sorry to bring up old shit Noah, but you did) and now we rarely talk, if ever. I do have faith that this one and I will still be friends, but I'm afraid to put all my hope into it just in case. If it doesn't happen I don't want to cry about it. I'm sick of crying. I've cried enough fucking tears for a river in the last two days, it's time for me to build the bridge and get over it.
And I will get over it, probably faster than I think I will. Because now I can focus on the unstable stability of the non-relationship Mr. Big and I have. Yeah, I have a Mr. Big in my life... if you haven't seen Sex and the City, Mr. Big is someone who is a wonderful contradiction, who is completely commitment-phobic while at the same time making you feel so completely safe and happy when you're with him, FANTASTIC in bed, and over-all a beautiful and frustrating and great guy. Yeah, I've got one. And maybe it's not perfect, and maybe it's not stable, hell maybe it's not even anything right now... but he makes me smile, he makes me laugh, he makes me angry lol, and he turns me on everytime he talks to me. Am I afraid of him? Yep. But I know how I feel when I'm with him, I know how much I've missed him in the past year we haven't seen each other, I know how much I want to spend time with him and be with him, and I even know how much he might freak out if he reads this blog (but I'm pretty sure he'll take it with the lightheartedness that it's intended for) lol...
But fate has a way of telling you things. There've been a lot of guys I was interested in over the last year and a half, but somehow I lost interest or got burned by them all to the point of this, right now, where I'm left with just myself and Mr. Big. So for now it's time to focus on me. Yeah... I'm sick of being alone. I'm sick of feeling like no one cares and no one wants me. But the truth is, he does want me. Maybe he doesn't want a girlfriend or anything conventional, but he wants me. And I want him. And when everything else falls apart and he's still there, telling me it's a waste of time to cry over people who don't deserve you... I have to look at that as fate. They say the only person you can trust is the person who tells you that you can't trust anyone... and essentially that's him.
So Big, don't freak out okay? This is just my way of saying a great big Fuck You to my broken heart. I have a good, fun, relaxed, uncommitted thing going on and I'm gonna keep it that way because I like our dynamic and I don't need anything else.
When you slammed the front door shut
A lot of others opened up
So did my eyes so I could see
That you never were the best for me
-Daughtry
Very typical. But at least I'm used to it. But now it's over and done with. Hopefully he and I will still be friends, I want that more than anything else. But I can't let myself hope too hard on that one because last time someone swore we'd be friends, he completely shut me out of his life (sorry to bring up old shit Noah, but you did) and now we rarely talk, if ever. I do have faith that this one and I will still be friends, but I'm afraid to put all my hope into it just in case. If it doesn't happen I don't want to cry about it. I'm sick of crying. I've cried enough fucking tears for a river in the last two days, it's time for me to build the bridge and get over it.
And I will get over it, probably faster than I think I will. Because now I can focus on the unstable stability of the non-relationship Mr. Big and I have. Yeah, I have a Mr. Big in my life... if you haven't seen Sex and the City, Mr. Big is someone who is a wonderful contradiction, who is completely commitment-phobic while at the same time making you feel so completely safe and happy when you're with him, FANTASTIC in bed, and over-all a beautiful and frustrating and great guy. Yeah, I've got one. And maybe it's not perfect, and maybe it's not stable, hell maybe it's not even anything right now... but he makes me smile, he makes me laugh, he makes me angry lol, and he turns me on everytime he talks to me. Am I afraid of him? Yep. But I know how I feel when I'm with him, I know how much I've missed him in the past year we haven't seen each other, I know how much I want to spend time with him and be with him, and I even know how much he might freak out if he reads this blog (but I'm pretty sure he'll take it with the lightheartedness that it's intended for) lol...
But fate has a way of telling you things. There've been a lot of guys I was interested in over the last year and a half, but somehow I lost interest or got burned by them all to the point of this, right now, where I'm left with just myself and Mr. Big. So for now it's time to focus on me. Yeah... I'm sick of being alone. I'm sick of feeling like no one cares and no one wants me. But the truth is, he does want me. Maybe he doesn't want a girlfriend or anything conventional, but he wants me. And I want him. And when everything else falls apart and he's still there, telling me it's a waste of time to cry over people who don't deserve you... I have to look at that as fate. They say the only person you can trust is the person who tells you that you can't trust anyone... and essentially that's him.
So Big, don't freak out okay? This is just my way of saying a great big Fuck You to my broken heart. I have a good, fun, relaxed, uncommitted thing going on and I'm gonna keep it that way because I like our dynamic and I don't need anything else.
When you slammed the front door shut
A lot of others opened up
So did my eyes so I could see
That you never were the best for me
-Daughtry