(no subject)
I seriously feel like vomiting right now. And its making this entire thing even worse. The whole "realness" and being straight with people talk me and tim had last night struck a terrible nerve with me. And its unfortunate.
Every time I throw something in the air, out of my hands, it all comes crashing down in the most terrible manner. And sure, the past examples of this were not the smartest decisions ive ever made, but I dont see how this could make things any better. A lot worse yes. Most fucking definately. But coming out of this feeling any better is an end I just cant see. No matter the possible outcomes. But I guess I need to, to move on? Heh.
But in other news Im back at square one(well three). That whole job thing fell through. And it was pretty much a sure bet too. Nothing I could really do about it.
I hate this feeling. I really thought that I didnt have any of this left. I really thought it was all dead. But now that I look back, its obvious that I really have just been lying to myself the entire time.
Sigh, stop bitching and just take it like a man Phil. Your fucked either way. At least this way you get one thing over with quicker.
Every time I throw something in the air, out of my hands, it all comes crashing down in the most terrible manner. And sure, the past examples of this were not the smartest decisions ive ever made, but I dont see how this could make things any better. A lot worse yes. Most fucking definately. But coming out of this feeling any better is an end I just cant see. No matter the possible outcomes. But I guess I need to, to move on? Heh.
But in other news Im back at square one(well three). That whole job thing fell through. And it was pretty much a sure bet too. Nothing I could really do about it.
I hate this feeling. I really thought that I didnt have any of this left. I really thought it was all dead. But now that I look back, its obvious that I really have just been lying to myself the entire time.
Sigh, stop bitching and just take it like a man Phil. Your fucked either way. At least this way you get one thing over with quicker.