WARNING: angsting mopey, content may upset some people

[minion68]

Often I imagine things that i find sumwhat disturbing. I dont know why i think of these things. The last few months i have pictured, from the inside, a bullet passing through my brain. always passing from right to left just above the ear. i sometimes picture putting the gun in my mouth, but im scared it will pass between the hemispheres, so i

Comments

[arkore]

You know it scares me sometimes how familiar the words that come from other peoples lips(fingers) are. Personally I could never stand the idea of suicide, its not a problem with the act its just a problem with the idea of surrender. Its like surrender is about as logical as sticking my hand into a roaring fire and just leaving it there to cook. Hence I havent thought about many different methods, however if I was to go I would choose something along the lines of sticking a large bladed knife between my ribs and into my heart.

Other than that the only other way I have seen my death is in battle. I would hate to die by execution(unless its by explosion), I'd rather go down in battle face to face with my enemies.

And Damn, I swear I have said almost those exact words regarding failure. I mean I seriously beleave that I have alot to do with the monumental failures that I have experianced in my life. What keeps me going is a fear of failure, what drags me down however is the fear of sucess(choosing to fail).

I'll tell you what though, thanks to listening to my music all the time I often experiance mild sensory depravation for extended periods of time. Its especially bad when walking. I have been known to walk for hours just in circles at uni cause I have nothing better to do and actually have my eyes lose focus and start drifting into the sleep position and just start walking on autopilot completely unaware on a concious level of the world around me. That just sends me on a trip through many of my memories, what snaps me out is my bio-alarm clock or the music stopping or just too many bad memories.

Anyway enough about me, I'm baking tomorow if I can get my lazy depressed arse into gear. Feel free to theive baked goods.