Moving from Retroactive to Proactive
Some random person sent me this quote from Goodreads today as an "aww" moment, but it made me cringe. Here's the quote (And yes, this will come back to finances.):
"If she had loved him, he would have opened windows, allowed all of that precious light of hers in she wanted! If she could tolerate him, he would have donated to every stinking animal shelter in her name, quit his drinking habits completely, and played music for her anytime she wanted! He would have gone out, faced the cruel public, and embraced their scorn just to be close to her, continued to hide in the shadows of her life until she needed him... If she had loved him, he would have done anything."
― Amanda Lance, Natural Selection
I haven't read the book and have no idea of the context, so take this as no comment upon the book or author. But there's something in this quote by itself that touches on a theme which has reoccurred multiple places this past week: essentially, a lack of willingness to put in the work to reap the reward.
In the quote you have a guy who wants to be loved.
Goal: Love (from a particular female)
You can not force someone to like or love you. It's not the sort of simple tangible goal with an easy formula to achieve. But you can take steps to make yourself more likeable and attractive. This translates most directly to finances in the area of job hunting. You can't force a company to hire you, but you can make yourself more attractive to those hiring.
No mistake, everyone needs help at some point, and there are many goals we can not achieve on our own. But waiting for a goal to magically happen by promising to retroactively put effort into it, rarely achieves the goal.
In nearly every line of this quote, the man is blaming the lack of achieving his goal for his own inaction. Instead of making choices to be kinder, philanthropic, supportive, entertaining, more open, brave, or taking steps to deal with his drinking problem, he's bemoaning that she hasn't rescued him from being a drunken self-absorbed shut in. He's also created an unrealistic tunnel vision for accepting assistance. There's quite likely other people out there who could make a better support system for him to stop drinking and enjoy life more, but he's disproportionately placed this burden on a single person, a scapegoat.
The reason I'm bringing this up on a financial blog is we sometimes take this same approach to job hunting and financial goals.
If only they'd give me the promotion I want, I'd show up on time, dress properly, and work hard.
If only I had the house I wanted, I'd be responsible with my money.
If only I was physically fit, I'd exercise more.
It's true nothing in life is guaranteed, even when you do put in the effort. But you dramatically improve your odds of achieving goals if you take active steps towards them. Conversely, sitting on your duff is likely to reduce your chance of success to zero, regardless of how much ability or potential you have.
"If she had loved him, he would have opened windows, allowed all of that precious light of hers in she wanted! If she could tolerate him, he would have donated to every stinking animal shelter in her name, quit his drinking habits completely, and played music for her anytime she wanted! He would have gone out, faced the cruel public, and embraced their scorn just to be close to her, continued to hide in the shadows of her life until she needed him... If she had loved him, he would have done anything."
― Amanda Lance, Natural Selection
I haven't read the book and have no idea of the context, so take this as no comment upon the book or author. But there's something in this quote by itself that touches on a theme which has reoccurred multiple places this past week: essentially, a lack of willingness to put in the work to reap the reward.
In the quote you have a guy who wants to be loved.
Goal: Love (from a particular female)
You can not force someone to like or love you. It's not the sort of simple tangible goal with an easy formula to achieve. But you can take steps to make yourself more likeable and attractive. This translates most directly to finances in the area of job hunting. You can't force a company to hire you, but you can make yourself more attractive to those hiring.
No mistake, everyone needs help at some point, and there are many goals we can not achieve on our own. But waiting for a goal to magically happen by promising to retroactively put effort into it, rarely achieves the goal.
In nearly every line of this quote, the man is blaming the lack of achieving his goal for his own inaction. Instead of making choices to be kinder, philanthropic, supportive, entertaining, more open, brave, or taking steps to deal with his drinking problem, he's bemoaning that she hasn't rescued him from being a drunken self-absorbed shut in. He's also created an unrealistic tunnel vision for accepting assistance. There's quite likely other people out there who could make a better support system for him to stop drinking and enjoy life more, but he's disproportionately placed this burden on a single person, a scapegoat.
The reason I'm bringing this up on a financial blog is we sometimes take this same approach to job hunting and financial goals.
If only they'd give me the promotion I want, I'd show up on time, dress properly, and work hard.
If only I had the house I wanted, I'd be responsible with my money.
If only I was physically fit, I'd exercise more.
It's true nothing in life is guaranteed, even when you do put in the effort. But you dramatically improve your odds of achieving goals if you take active steps towards them. Conversely, sitting on your duff is likely to reduce your chance of success to zero, regardless of how much ability or potential you have.