(no subject)
things have been going great at school! i mean i couldnt have been any happier this entire school year...well thats not true. but my point is that ive felt so alive at school and it feels so awesome... until i come home. i try so hard and everytime i think ive finally gotten somewhere i learn im even farther away than i ever was before. stranger than anything ive ever thought about coming here to florida, ive wished for things i dont need only all ive ever wanted. where a chase for things i dont need, it leads somewhere better than ive ever imagined. dont mean to excuse my wrongs...but they take me higher than this prison cell i call my house. all the things ive accomplished never got me this happy before. never in my whole life has anything brought laughter like i feel now. im excelling in band and my grades are so much better. my mom is calling more often and hannah has a purpose. she was saved! rodney is off to college again and rachel is getting a scholarship to salem university. it seems like everything is going awesome. your sympathy you think about my family...nah. i feel good.im so close to something that could never make me feel so happy before. nothing in my life right now fills me more than ray. it doesnt matter how bad things get at home it feels like hes the one thing i can depend upon. the special light and the hollow dream that i once had...now filled. i can feel this difference in all my aspects i see in my daily life. i see stars above and think of a special night not too long ago. i hear a song and my mind wanders to another day it seems... but still as special. all my fears push the thing i want away. so with this stupid little entry i make a promise to anyone who reads it. ill put my fears aside and hold out when it really matters. ill make sure that the small things wont mean so much anymore..that i wont choke on the sympathy of other peoples ingnorance. things will be better... ill try to use this happiness for what its worth and think about your kindness more than i have taken advantage of it before. its all i wanted and its taken me until now to realize i have everything i need.