As White As An Eyeball In The Sky

Oct 06, 2012 23:48



One year around my 10th birthday, we were near a beach and my Dad drove in and we stopped for about 20 minutes to walk on the beach.

The next week, I told everyone at school that we went to the beach for my birthday, because I wanted to be the girl who had a family that did something special for birthdays. (like parents who take their child to Disneyland for their birthday).

The truth of the matter is that the beach was just a random incident. And as far as my family goes, there was nothing real special that year or any other year about my birthday or any of my siblings birthdays - a cake made by my Mom, the Happy Birthday song, and a gift or two was the usual.

I still do that (tell half truths), to make people think I'm special.

To make my point, here is an example:

A friend of mine bought some really cool sandals in Peru. When she brought them home, she realized that they didn't really fit her feet well, so she gave them to me (I loved them. They fit great.).

I wear the sandals all the time and I get, "Wow!! Great sandals!" compliments from all sorts of people. I tell them that a friend of mine went to Peru and while she was there she bought some sandals for me.

See? Not quite a full on lie. But not the complete truth either.

I suppose in the end it doesn't matter. Ultimately no one cares or will even remember if I went to the beach for a birthday celebration or to kick some sand around. No one cares or will remember if someone bought me sandals in or if I found them at a local Goodwill.

But for that moment when I'm telling my little half truth, I can feel extra special, like I am so important to someone that they would do something "that" cool for me.

I have thought many times about how I'd like to be more authentic and real. And then I watch myself with a distant sort of curiosity as I tell yet another half truth and I get a warm "see how special I am" fuzzy.

Like a drug. Temporary. Satisfying for the moment. But ultimately not real. Just a facade to distract from reality.

the truth is...

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