Why I like sappy movies...
Wow it has been along long time and this has always been helpful for me to get out my feelings...Sappy movies help me organize my feelings...i just watched a movie called 50/50 so here is my thoughts.
Erich: we have been together for 5 years (6 in April). He really has been an amazing partner. I love him so much. It is really funny because I fear him leaving me...I think about how I have left other people and fear he will do the same to me...and maybe I deserve that..i hope not. I really want to get my life together with him he makes me want things in life for me and us. It has been rough recently because I have not been keeping my end of the bargain up and have not been making alot of money. He has been mad because he is paying things I should be paying for, but because I have not been able to get alot of hours it has been rough. Well really I gave up one job because another said I would enough hours but they are moving SO slow...anyway I should not have given up that job until I had a schedule with the other...i continue to work for BB so I still have one job constant but it has been hard with juggling different shifts and changing schedules. I don't wish this lifestyle on anyone. I feel for people whom this is there reality. For me I hope this is a stepping stone...but only time will tell. (this is something my mom always says....nice segway)
Family (Mom mostly): I have been having alot of moments where I am reminded how much I am like her and then I get sad because I am not who she wants me to be but I AM who I want to be. I feel so much like myself. I am getting my life together (much of it with the help of Erich). I want my mom to call me Bailey. I know it is really hard for her..to let her first born girl go but I am still her first child and that can't change. I am her adult child. I don't doubt that she loves me but I am not so sure about how much she respects my decisions. I think I will write her a letter because I can't seem to get her on the phone long enough to really have a conversation. I tried yesterday. The movie also made me think about my dad. I miss him alot, he died too young. I talk to him sometimes but is it not the same because he says what i think he would say..as apart of some sort of my conscience. I wish I could call him and hear his voice....I really wish I could find the tape of him and I singing you are my sunshine together. I hope someday to find that...somewhere in the house. i hope i or someone else didn't record over it.
Life: Well Erich and I moved to Lansing in Aug. It has been a very hard adjustment for me..but it feels temporary we are here until he finished his degree. I miss Madison and Options alot but I feel right with the decision to move to Lansing to be with him. I feel so right in my life in many ways..I just need to get a few more things in line. I need to be saving money. I need to do what is right for me and not what is right for everyone else. I have made some good friend in Lansing. I hope to make a few more. I miss Maddie alot. He really has been an awesome person in my life. I hope he knows that. I also strangely really miss Jule D. she was not just my boss or co-worker we really had started having a bond. I think we will continue to have a connection even if it is miles away.
Well that is all for now. i have to get some packages mailed.
Erich: we have been together for 5 years (6 in April). He really has been an amazing partner. I love him so much. It is really funny because I fear him leaving me...I think about how I have left other people and fear he will do the same to me...and maybe I deserve that..i hope not. I really want to get my life together with him he makes me want things in life for me and us. It has been rough recently because I have not been keeping my end of the bargain up and have not been making alot of money. He has been mad because he is paying things I should be paying for, but because I have not been able to get alot of hours it has been rough. Well really I gave up one job because another said I would enough hours but they are moving SO slow...anyway I should not have given up that job until I had a schedule with the other...i continue to work for BB so I still have one job constant but it has been hard with juggling different shifts and changing schedules. I don't wish this lifestyle on anyone. I feel for people whom this is there reality. For me I hope this is a stepping stone...but only time will tell. (this is something my mom always says....nice segway)
Family (Mom mostly): I have been having alot of moments where I am reminded how much I am like her and then I get sad because I am not who she wants me to be but I AM who I want to be. I feel so much like myself. I am getting my life together (much of it with the help of Erich). I want my mom to call me Bailey. I know it is really hard for her..to let her first born girl go but I am still her first child and that can't change. I am her adult child. I don't doubt that she loves me but I am not so sure about how much she respects my decisions. I think I will write her a letter because I can't seem to get her on the phone long enough to really have a conversation. I tried yesterday. The movie also made me think about my dad. I miss him alot, he died too young. I talk to him sometimes but is it not the same because he says what i think he would say..as apart of some sort of my conscience. I wish I could call him and hear his voice....I really wish I could find the tape of him and I singing you are my sunshine together. I hope someday to find that...somewhere in the house. i hope i or someone else didn't record over it.
Life: Well Erich and I moved to Lansing in Aug. It has been a very hard adjustment for me..but it feels temporary we are here until he finished his degree. I miss Madison and Options alot but I feel right with the decision to move to Lansing to be with him. I feel so right in my life in many ways..I just need to get a few more things in line. I need to be saving money. I need to do what is right for me and not what is right for everyone else. I have made some good friend in Lansing. I hope to make a few more. I miss Maddie alot. He really has been an awesome person in my life. I hope he knows that. I also strangely really miss Jule D. she was not just my boss or co-worker we really had started having a bond. I think we will continue to have a connection even if it is miles away.
Well that is all for now. i have to get some packages mailed.