It's silly how much one little activity can consume a person . . . but it has
I had a mini epiphany today.
This will come as a surprise to no one, but I love forensics. I don't think I realized how much until today, though. I don't even know why today, but it hit me while I was at work. I am an assistant coach at a middle school team, and today they were watching recordings of old multiples. WHile one was playing (I can't even remember which), I just got this overwhelming feeling of nostalgia. I thought of how I kind of floundered around in middle school, trying to figure out who I was and what my talents were (which I suppose is still a work in progress). I remembered being in multiples with Dan Osher and Andrew Olesnavich and Gena Gonzales other kids I haven't seen I haven't seen in ages. Then I thought about how much we have all changed since middle school--Matt, Hanna, Dithu, all of us. I thought of how exhilirated I used to get when I watched the "big kids" perform at Mackinac, how much I wanted to be like them. I thought of how difficult my freshman year was, and the constant state of stress that I was in while I was in extemp--and yet, I thrived. I thought of my sophomore year in Avenue Q, which was awkward and silly and wonderful. And then, of course, there was last year. The more I think about it, the more I love Gideon. When I was driving home today I belted "On Broadway" all the way home (much to Michael's discontent, heh), and felt terribly lonely without the other seven of my cast there. I had an overwhelming urge to just find them and put on my costume and go perform our multiple somewhere, anywhere, for anyone . . . just to do it again. I miss the harmonies, I miss the dancing, I even miss all of the flaws that we had. I missed the kids from the other schools who I love and yet never see, I missed the kids who graduated, I just missed things.
And then I realized that this is my last year and how badly I want final round at states and I want to perform and take everyone's breath away. I want people to understand how passionate I am about this activity and that I am missing it already and that I will cherish every single second that I am participating in it this year. I want to love my multiple this year even more intensely than I have loved my pieces and casts in the past. I want to look back twenty years from now and be like, "Wow. I really really miss my senior year of forensics." And I want to be singing all of the music from our multiple for days on end since the memories will be so magnificient I won't want to let them fade. I really hope that Dithu, Kyle, Clare, Eric, Chelsea, Joe, and I can come up with something spectacular. I have felt a lot of pressure to do everything I can to make this project be all it can be, and I think this feeling will intensify as the season progresses. I want us to be the best. I want us to win. I want us to love what we do. I want to have my last season of forensics be without regret, and to look back at it with nothing but fondness.
I only hope I can make these desires a reality . . .
Sorry if it all sounds totally lame, and sorry for the run-on sentences, bear with me--I can't properly articulate everything I am feeling right now, but I hope it comes close.
<3