musesandlyrics: " Don't cry because its over, smile because it happened!"
ooc: set in wayward_au, a bit down the road from where we are now. Dean is jstliketherifle and used with love and permission.
"Do you realize that you talk about your father in the past tense sometimes?"
"Yes."
"But he isn't dead according to our records. Why do you do that?"
"He isn't the same man I remember him to be... it causes some issues between us."
"How do you believe he is supposed to be?"
~ One Year Ago ~
"Hey, kid. Come on." Dean stuck his head into Ben's bedroom, smirking. "You will turn into your uncle if you do nothing but study all day."
Ben's head quickly twisted away from the pile of books he had been working in, his shock fading away into a smirk. "What are you doing here?"
"I was in the area and thought I'd take my kid out for a beer and a burger. Something wrong with that?" Dean almost looked insulted.
"In the area?" Ben gave him the look, and Dean shrugged.
"Ok, maybe not in the general area but within driving distance. Grab your jacket. It's cold out."
***
"... and after that was over, your uncle and I were lucky we even made it back to the car before the feds picked up our trail." Dean was leaning over the pool table, lining up a shot as Ben stood nearby, leaning on his cue. "I swear, I've never been more grateful to a lawyer that I was that chick. Hendrickson had to have been pissed."
"Sounds like he rode your tail hard."
Dean took his shot, sinking the 6 ball and moving for his next one. "Yeah, but he turned out to be a good guy in the end. Course it took him getting possessed himself before he actually believed us." Dean shook his head. "Poor bastard didn't even know what was coming until it was over for him."
"Lilith?"
"Yup. The first time she came after us... well, your uncle." Dean thought a moment. "That was only a few months after I met you that first time."
"Probably a good thing it was after. I don't think I would have enjoyed having her trying to be my playmate back then."
"Neither would I." Dean missed his shot and let Ben take his turn. "So who taught you how to play?"
"One of mom's boyfriends. Sal worked in a pool hall that was next door to Mom's yoga place. He was a pretty cool guy, and since the place didn't turn into an 18 or older joint until nine, I'd go in there after high school sometimes and we'd play a few games until Mom was ready to go home." Ben sank his ball. "There's a group of guys at school who play for cash on Friday nights. I'll join in sometimes. It's all for fun but they claim I cheat because I usually win."
Dean laughed. "At least you have a profitable skill you can use. In case the whole real job after college thing doesn't pan out." He reached over and took a sip of his beer. "I used to be able to make a few hundred a night if the games were good and the bikers were drunk enough."
"Trying to sell me a lifestyle?" Ben looked up as he missed his shot, shaking his head. "Professional pool hustler, just like my old man?"
"Ben, I want you to be nothing like me, you hear." Dean looked at his son. "You've got a good head on your shoulders, and you've got a chance to make something of your life still."
"Dad..."
"I mean it." Dean leaned against the table a moment, looking off in the distance. "Sammy... when he went off to school I first hated the idea, but after awhile I wanted nothing more for him to be happy. If being normal was what made him happy, then I'd get by. Course he coulda been a bit better at the whole thing, but that's done and gone. Ain't worth crying over it now." He looked at Ben. "You've got this chance now, kid, and while it means you're probably gonna go off and have a job, a family, and all that... I'd much rather you get that than what I've got going. Hell, if Alec would do it I'd push him off to college too but he's got the hunter spirit."
"I don't like being away. I miss you guys. It's strange, being on my own." Ben picked up his own beer and took a sip. "And while I'll agree that I ain't anywhere near as good being a hunter like the rest of you, that doesn't mean that I can't make my life around you guys still. You're my family."
Dean reached over and put a hand on his son's shoulder. "Don't think I'm pushing you away, Ben. I just want you to be better..."
"Dad, you're a good man. You may be one of America's Most Wanted and have your face pasted in the bulls-eye of Satan's dartboard, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't try to be at least a little bit like you."
"You got the good looks from me, Ben. Your mother raised you good, and I'm doing my best not to fuck that up."
Ben rolled his eyes. "You really have low self esteem issues, don't you?"
Dean gave his son a smirk and took another sip of his beer before looking at the pool table. "Who's turn is it?"
Blinking, Ben looked back at the table. "Yours, I think."
Nodding, Dean leaned back down over the table. "I'm proud of you, kid. Whatever the future brings, just remember that no matter what you choose to do, I'm always going to be proud of you."
~ Present Day ~
"Do you think that man is still inside him somewhere, even if you believe he has changed so much you no longer see it?"
"... I want to believe so. I just don't -"
"No. You want to believe, then believe. Don't destroy your paths to finding him by already putting up roadblocks and conditions that he will not be able to meet."
"I don't want to get hurt."
"I know you don't, Ben. But he's your father. I don't think he wants to hurt you any more than you want to be hurt by him. Believe that you can find him again, and let yourself be open to that without any conditions. If you do that, I think you'll be surprised at what you'll really see."
"And what's that?"
"That for all you feel he's disappeared on you, that he's been standing there all along, just waiting for you to see him again."
"Do you realize that you talk about your father in the past tense sometimes?"
"Yes."
"But he isn't dead according to our records. Why do you do that?"
"He isn't the same man I remember him to be... it causes some issues between us."
"How do you believe he is supposed to be?"
~ One Year Ago ~
"Hey, kid. Come on." Dean stuck his head into Ben's bedroom, smirking. "You will turn into your uncle if you do nothing but study all day."
Ben's head quickly twisted away from the pile of books he had been working in, his shock fading away into a smirk. "What are you doing here?"
"I was in the area and thought I'd take my kid out for a beer and a burger. Something wrong with that?" Dean almost looked insulted.
"In the area?" Ben gave him the look, and Dean shrugged.
"Ok, maybe not in the general area but within driving distance. Grab your jacket. It's cold out."
***
"... and after that was over, your uncle and I were lucky we even made it back to the car before the feds picked up our trail." Dean was leaning over the pool table, lining up a shot as Ben stood nearby, leaning on his cue. "I swear, I've never been more grateful to a lawyer that I was that chick. Hendrickson had to have been pissed."
"Sounds like he rode your tail hard."
Dean took his shot, sinking the 6 ball and moving for his next one. "Yeah, but he turned out to be a good guy in the end. Course it took him getting possessed himself before he actually believed us." Dean shook his head. "Poor bastard didn't even know what was coming until it was over for him."
"Lilith?"
"Yup. The first time she came after us... well, your uncle." Dean thought a moment. "That was only a few months after I met you that first time."
"Probably a good thing it was after. I don't think I would have enjoyed having her trying to be my playmate back then."
"Neither would I." Dean missed his shot and let Ben take his turn. "So who taught you how to play?"
"One of mom's boyfriends. Sal worked in a pool hall that was next door to Mom's yoga place. He was a pretty cool guy, and since the place didn't turn into an 18 or older joint until nine, I'd go in there after high school sometimes and we'd play a few games until Mom was ready to go home." Ben sank his ball. "There's a group of guys at school who play for cash on Friday nights. I'll join in sometimes. It's all for fun but they claim I cheat because I usually win."
Dean laughed. "At least you have a profitable skill you can use. In case the whole real job after college thing doesn't pan out." He reached over and took a sip of his beer. "I used to be able to make a few hundred a night if the games were good and the bikers were drunk enough."
"Trying to sell me a lifestyle?" Ben looked up as he missed his shot, shaking his head. "Professional pool hustler, just like my old man?"
"Ben, I want you to be nothing like me, you hear." Dean looked at his son. "You've got a good head on your shoulders, and you've got a chance to make something of your life still."
"Dad..."
"I mean it." Dean leaned against the table a moment, looking off in the distance. "Sammy... when he went off to school I first hated the idea, but after awhile I wanted nothing more for him to be happy. If being normal was what made him happy, then I'd get by. Course he coulda been a bit better at the whole thing, but that's done and gone. Ain't worth crying over it now." He looked at Ben. "You've got this chance now, kid, and while it means you're probably gonna go off and have a job, a family, and all that... I'd much rather you get that than what I've got going. Hell, if Alec would do it I'd push him off to college too but he's got the hunter spirit."
"I don't like being away. I miss you guys. It's strange, being on my own." Ben picked up his own beer and took a sip. "And while I'll agree that I ain't anywhere near as good being a hunter like the rest of you, that doesn't mean that I can't make my life around you guys still. You're my family."
Dean reached over and put a hand on his son's shoulder. "Don't think I'm pushing you away, Ben. I just want you to be better..."
"Dad, you're a good man. You may be one of America's Most Wanted and have your face pasted in the bulls-eye of Satan's dartboard, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't try to be at least a little bit like you."
"You got the good looks from me, Ben. Your mother raised you good, and I'm doing my best not to fuck that up."
Ben rolled his eyes. "You really have low self esteem issues, don't you?"
Dean gave his son a smirk and took another sip of his beer before looking at the pool table. "Who's turn is it?"
Blinking, Ben looked back at the table. "Yours, I think."
Nodding, Dean leaned back down over the table. "I'm proud of you, kid. Whatever the future brings, just remember that no matter what you choose to do, I'm always going to be proud of you."
~ Present Day ~
"Do you think that man is still inside him somewhere, even if you believe he has changed so much you no longer see it?"
"... I want to believe so. I just don't -"
"No. You want to believe, then believe. Don't destroy your paths to finding him by already putting up roadblocks and conditions that he will not be able to meet."
"I don't want to get hurt."
"I know you don't, Ben. But he's your father. I don't think he wants to hurt you any more than you want to be hurt by him. Believe that you can find him again, and let yourself be open to that without any conditions. If you do that, I think you'll be surprised at what you'll really see."
"And what's that?"
"That for all you feel he's disappeared on you, that he's been standing there all along, just waiting for you to see him again."