Avalanche, Start Inside of Me!
I am aware that I have probably used this Title for an entry before, but it still feels just as fitting now as it did then...
' One foot in front of the other. One foot back to counter it' Matt Good sings on to me, through the speakers of my Bathroom Ipod Dock, and It Is Done. I put the pile of paper down, the Hilroy bent and frayed at the ends, the metal spiral holding it together is barely it's job. But It Is Done. It is read, and I knew parts of it would sting, parts would burn, and parts I would- as i feared, would give me understanding.
That understanding being that my suspectations through out that time, were true, even without evidence to back it up that i could unmask. I am sorry for his plight, as I still know he struggles with it. All and all, nothing really has changed much in his character or demeanor and that makes me laugh a bit, as I feel myself so different-- but perhaps people could view me the same as I have always been. Molehills of discovery always feel like mountains, internally.
I suspect Him giving my the pages were a form of closure for him. Something i can gladly give, because although i still struggle with the strife he wrought, He as an entity ceases to exist for me. There is a sense of sadness in it, but also a sense of gratitude. I am free. Free to let some other shmuck wreck havoc with my heart :P ' One foot in front of the other. One foot back to counter it'
So the Avalanche I have been building has been gaining speed, and heading down through the trees, and I wonder who will be next to smash into me. Anticipation is a tricky thing, like hope, but worse because you are sure it is to come upon you - at SOME point.
Though reading, the words actually were honest ( at points ) but read little into much of anything. It actually made me think of how terrible it is that I time and time again, choose to spend time with individuals who have such a hard time making sense of the worlds in which they live, and their feelings within. What I mean to say is that coincidences in my ability to spend time, interest, love, devotion, strength, and pain, on people who feel the need to self medicate in order to live through the abrasions of the earth.
Maybe it is my own own frustration manifested. The understanding that I, too, have to be medicated (though legally) to experience the world without the augmentations of my own mind.
To go to each of these people and subscribe magic pills would be blasphemous- but I wish it was that easy! BECAUSE DEEP DOWN, I LOVE ALL OF THESE PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN AFFECTED WITH THE AFFLICTIONS AND DICHOTOMY OF FEELING & LIVING IN OUR CURRENT SOCIETY. Feel not afflicted alone!
I really do meet so many honest, beautiful and original people who feel that they need to chastise themselves to a life to emotional augmentation or depletion, instead of being themselves 'warts and all'. Myself included.
And so the Avalanche continues on.
' One foot in front of the other. One foot back to counter it' Matt Good sings on to me, through the speakers of my Bathroom Ipod Dock, and It Is Done. I put the pile of paper down, the Hilroy bent and frayed at the ends, the metal spiral holding it together is barely it's job. But It Is Done. It is read, and I knew parts of it would sting, parts would burn, and parts I would- as i feared, would give me understanding.
That understanding being that my suspectations through out that time, were true, even without evidence to back it up that i could unmask. I am sorry for his plight, as I still know he struggles with it. All and all, nothing really has changed much in his character or demeanor and that makes me laugh a bit, as I feel myself so different-- but perhaps people could view me the same as I have always been. Molehills of discovery always feel like mountains, internally.
I suspect Him giving my the pages were a form of closure for him. Something i can gladly give, because although i still struggle with the strife he wrought, He as an entity ceases to exist for me. There is a sense of sadness in it, but also a sense of gratitude. I am free. Free to let some other shmuck wreck havoc with my heart :P ' One foot in front of the other. One foot back to counter it'
So the Avalanche I have been building has been gaining speed, and heading down through the trees, and I wonder who will be next to smash into me. Anticipation is a tricky thing, like hope, but worse because you are sure it is to come upon you - at SOME point.
Though reading, the words actually were honest ( at points ) but read little into much of anything. It actually made me think of how terrible it is that I time and time again, choose to spend time with individuals who have such a hard time making sense of the worlds in which they live, and their feelings within. What I mean to say is that coincidences in my ability to spend time, interest, love, devotion, strength, and pain, on people who feel the need to self medicate in order to live through the abrasions of the earth.
Maybe it is my own own frustration manifested. The understanding that I, too, have to be medicated (though legally) to experience the world without the augmentations of my own mind.
To go to each of these people and subscribe magic pills would be blasphemous- but I wish it was that easy! BECAUSE DEEP DOWN, I LOVE ALL OF THESE PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN AFFECTED WITH THE AFFLICTIONS AND DICHOTOMY OF FEELING & LIVING IN OUR CURRENT SOCIETY. Feel not afflicted alone!
I really do meet so many honest, beautiful and original people who feel that they need to chastise themselves to a life to emotional augmentation or depletion, instead of being themselves 'warts and all'. Myself included.
And so the Avalanche continues on.