A Season With You 4/?
Title: A Season With You 4/?
Author: minhosims
Rating: G
Pairing: 2min
Summary: Taemin is a loner. He enjoyed all his wonderful time alone until Minho come and took his lonely times away. Taemin doesn’t want to befriend Minho, remembering his last friendship didn’t end well and gave him deep wounds. He doesn’t want his heart to be injured again so he decided to act like a loner. But, could he ignore Minho who seems so cool and caring at the same time?
A/N: This chapter is unbeta. Maybe you'll find some mistakes while you read. Sorry. Don't forget to COMMENT :)
“I’m sorry. I’m not going with you.”
“Yah, Minho! Are you kidding me?” Key yelled on the phone. He called me because they’re going to watch some movies today and asked me to join. But I can’t enjoy doing anything if I still worry about Taemin.
“Minho, are you serious about not going with us?” I heard Onew’s voice.
“Yes hyung. I’m sorry. Please enjoy your movies without me.”
“Why?”
“Sorry hyung, I can’t tell you now but I will.”
“Okay,” I could feel that he was disappointed but I couldn’t tell him yet. “Tell me whenever you’re ready. Bye”
I threw my body on my bed and buried my head on the pillow. Damn, why he didn’t tell me before he left? You fool Minho, why did he should tell you? Who are you? You’re not even his friend, I scolded myself. But I’m worrying him like hell. Suddenly, I remembered what he said last night, “I’m afraid”. What was he afraid of? There is nothing dangerous coming to you, isn’t it?
Wait, is he really just take a walk to refresh his mind? How if he met bad person who want something from him?
Shit, I’m out now.
I began to track some places near our school. But he wasn’t there. I kept searching and asking some sellers on the way whether they met Taemin this morning but none of them have ever met him. Shit, I have no more idea where I should go. So, I decide to back to dorm, maybe he has back now.
I opened the door, checked every corners in our room but he wasn’t here. He hasn’t back yet. I lied on the couch, tired and worried. Taemin, please, come back soon.
I was awakened by the sound of someone crying. I slowly opened my eyes, rubbed it to make my vision clearer. Gosh, Taemin! I saw him sitting on the chair in the kitchen, crying badly. I woke up and ran to him. I hugged him tightly as if I've just found back something precious.
“Where did you go this morning? How could you just left me without telling me first? And why are you crying? Is there something wrong?” I couldn’t help and asked a lot of question to him. But, he kept crying and didn’t answer me. When I look at his face, I only saw pain and sadness on it. It hurt me a lot and I would feel worse if I couldn’t do anything to make him better.
“Come on,” I pulled his body, we walked to the living room, and I forced him to sit on the couch. It’s more comfortable than a wooden chair.
“It’s okay Taemin.” I wiped away tears on his face. “I won’t force you to tell me what happened. But at least, can you tell me what do you want to do or what should I do to calm you down?”
“Sorry,” he answered. I could feel my heart dropped as I heard his sad voice, I hate myself when I can’t do anything to calm him down.
“It’s okay. Don’t be sorry.”
***
He hugged me tightly and tried to calm me down. And it was surprised me that his hug was so warm and calming. Maybe he thought that he couldn’t do anything to make me better, but he never knows that he has already calmed me down. His presence means a lot for me but I can’t tell him.
He’s sitting next to me now, his eyes staring on his phone as he typing something. I look at his face and it looks so tired. Did he worry me so much?
“I want to sleep,” I said. I can’t hold him here any longer. He needs a rest and he won’t sleep if I’m still here.
“Okay,” he followed behind me. I lied myself on my bed and covered my body with blanket. I closed my eyes, pretended to sleep. I knew he sat next to me and I felt it was about thirty minutes after I closed my eyes until he left me.
“Sleep well, Tae.” He patted my head softly and left my bed.
I thought I’ve closed my eyes for hours but I couldn’t sleep yet. I forced myself to sleep but it didn’t work. What happened this day scared me a lot, I’m afraid I would get a worse nightmare this night if I sleep. I opened my eyes, sat up on my bed, looked at my surrounding maybe there’s something I could do, but I thought I was too tired to do anything. I need to sleep but I can’t. I was about to lie back on my bed when my eyes stopped on Minho who is sleeping on his bed.
God, let me be selfish after these lonely years. I prayed before grabbed my pillow and walked towards his bed.
“Minho hyung,” I shook his body softly to wake him up. That was the first time I called him by his name.
“Minho hyung,” I repeated because he didn’t awake yet. But this time, I saw his eyes opened slowly.
“Minho hyung, may I sleep with you tonight?” I asked him hesitantly. I saw his face shocked and confused. But he moved to give free space for me on his bed.
“Yes, of course.” He answered. I put my pillow and lied beside him. I could feel his arm beside my hand and that feeling calmed me down, threw away the entire scare I had.
“I thought you were asleep. Are you awakening by your nightmare again?”
“No, I wasn’t asleep. I just closed my eyes, tried to sleep but I couldn’t”
“Why?”
“I was too scared to sleep. I want no nightmare this night.”
“Do you want me accompany you to stay up tonight?”
“No. Go back sleep hyung.”
“What about you?” Minho, are you caring me this much?
“I don’t know. I’ll try to sleep.”
“Then I’ll accompany you until you fall asleep.” He patted my head softly.
“Thanks hyung.”
“Taemin,” he called me.
“Hmm?”
“Don’t do that again. Don’t just go like this morning, you made me worried like hell.”
“Sorry hyung.”
“I don’t know you have a soft voice like now. Is it your real voice?” Why you asked me that question Minho? You asked like you’ve noticed my voice earlier.
“Yeah.”
“Then, why you always use the cold one?” Minho, you’re investigating me now.
“Because people hate it”
“So, you did it on purpose, right? You did it in order to keep them away from you.” Minho, you damn good on making me give up.
“Yeah and don’t ask me why”
“Promise me, you will tell me about your nightmares and your loneliness.”
Huh, how can I tell you about it Minho? You will leave me if I tell you. So, I won’t tell you, at least not now. Not when I really need you, not when I started to like you, not now. And forgive me for being so selfish.
“Sorry hyung, I can’t”
“If you can’t promise that, look for something to replace it”
“Why you forced me hyung?”
“It's because I have to share my bed with you tonight. I want you to pay it”
I tried to look for something to be promised to him. I thought I got one.
“I promise to talk to you with my real voice. Are you satisfied hyung?” he didn’t answer me. I turned my face to him, he’s fallen asleep. It gave me a chance to stare at his face; his face looked so handsome when he slept. I observed his face carefully. How someone could have such a perfect face like this? His forehead, his eyes, his nose, his cheek, his lips, and his chin, they’re all perfect.
I thought I could sleep without nightmare tonight.
***
I moved my body but my arm hit something beside me. I opened my eyes and saw Taemin slept beside me. I remembered that he asked me to sleep with him last night. I smile when I remembered about last night. It was the first time he called me Minho hyung with a soft but addictive voice. Even now, I want to hear him calling me like that.
I thought last night was the first night he didn’t screaming or crying. I could feel his body tensed for several times last night but turned back to relax in a short time. It was calming me to know that at least he didn’t get any nightmares when he slept with me. But I still disappointed because he didn’t tell me about the place he went yesterday. However, today, I’ll ask him where he went yesterday and do my best to make him answer me.
“Taemin, wake up.” I shook his body. He moved his body unwillingly and kept his eyes closed.
“Taemin, come on. We need to get ready for school. Wake up now.” I gave a little pressure on my voices to wake him up.
“Just five more minutes, hyung.” He muttered; his eyes still closed. I laughed at him, maybe this is why he always gets late on school. Another five minutes to sleep. I moved his body so I could get out of my bed and get shower. I found him still sleeping on my bed when I finished taking a shower.
“Taemin! Wake up now! I don’t want to get late!” I shouted at him. He finally woke up and walked to the bathroom.
It was about a half an hour before he finally went out of our room. I’ve waiting for him outside. He shocked when he saw me standing beside the door.
“What are doing here?” he asked.
“Come on. We have five minutes before we late.” I pulled him so he walked faster.
As I’ve expected, we were late but luckily the teacher didn’t scold us. Taemin said it was because I’m one of the precious-popular-guys. That made no sense for me. We didn’t talk much during the lesson because I kept my attention on the teacher and wrote down everything on my notes. And Taemin, as usual, he made himself busy by doodling here and there on his notes. He went out right after the bell rung.
I saw him sitting at his usual spot in cafeteria, eating his meal in silence. I came after him.
“You move faster when it comes to break or leave the class.” I sit in front of him, put my meal on the table, and face him.
***
“Hyung, what are doing here?” I asked him in shock.
“Me? I’m going to have lunch.”
“No, I mean is why are you sitting here?” Are you kidding me Minho? You always sit with your precious-popular friends. I turned to see Key hyung and the other. As I’ve expected, they’re all staring at us or maybe on Minho with such irritated eyes.
“Is it wrong if I want to eat here instead there?” he sent a quick glance at the-precious-popular table.
“Of course it’s wrong hyung. Didn’t you see their eyes? They look like want to get here and curse me.”
“Are you scared?” he smirked. But I thought he was wrong for saying such a question like that. His question successfully made me out of control.
“Are you kidding me? Why I should afraid of them? They’re just arrogant, over proud, and silly guys that being called as the-precious-popular-guys by another silly students. And they proudly accept that title, get privileges from the stupid teacher here, and earn a lot of attention from other student because of their damn pretty faces, solidarity, and their close and awesome friendship. But I’ll never let them just like that. Just look at how Key hyung tries his best to bet me on the exam but unfortunately he keeps on failing and I enjoy his unpleasant face when he found me as the number one on exam. They thought they’re the best in everything, ugh, just wait until I make them realise that they’re not that good at all.” I finished my words and looked at how Minho hyung dumbfounded in front of me. I couldn’t read his face at all.
“Tae, is it really you who said all that irritated words just now?”
“Yes hyung. It was me who said all of that. Why? You didn’t like it, did you? I tell you hyung, I hate them as much as I hate my nightmares.” I said to him coldly and I saw his face harden.
“Please, don’t say like that in front of me anymore. It hurts me, they’re my friends too.” I feel my heart dropped as he said he hurts. “I’ll ask them why they hate you. Maybe there is something I can do with both of you.”
I didn’t listen to what he said anymore. The fact that I’m already hurt him turned me down. Am I always hurting my friends?
“Taemin?” I didn’t answer him.
“Tae, are you okay?” his face become worry again. He’s staring at me now, waiting for an answer.
“Yes,” I answered awkwardly just to calm him down. Luckily the bell rung and we went back to our class.
***
“Onew hyung, can we talk for awhile?” I asked him.
“Me? Oh, of course. I’ll text Key not to wait me.” He took his phone and sent a message for Key. We went to the school backyard because it is the perfect place to talk. It’s not so crowded there.
“What do you want to talk about?” Onew asked me.
“It’s about all of you. Why do you hate Taemin? Is there any explanation for it?”
“So, it’s about him, right?” he smirked. “Okay, I’ll tell you. Actually I’m not too bothered to what he has done but not for Key and Jonghyun. We hate him because we were accidentally heard the conversation between Taemin and his friends. They were right in front of us when he said that we’re just a silly guys and bla bla bla. Something that will hurt your ears and you know Key too well to guess what he did next.”
“Yeah, he must be berated him.” I answered. But, deep in thought I wondered why Taemin could have a bad thought to the people that he even didn’t know yet.
“About yesterday, would you mind telling me what happened?”
“Taemin was gone when I woke up. He never able to wake up early in the morning but all of sudden, he disappeared in early morning. He worried me like hell. He didn’t tell me about his gone yet but he will. I’ll make him tell me about that.” I realize Onew is staring at me with a confused face. Just wait for a second till he asked me about Taemin.
“Minho, well, I don’t know what to say but you really give a deep concern to Taemin. I’ve known you for years to say that you have something more than become a friend with Taemin. Are you?”
His question was shocking me. How could he ask a silly question like that?
“What did you say hyung? Of course I’m not. You just don’t know about him yet. You will pay the same attention as me to him if you know how worse his nightmares are. Believe me; you definitely do not want to see his face when he awakens from his nightmares.”
“Is it that bad? His nightmares?”
“The worst one I’ve ever know.”
***
He opened the door and smiled to me. I nodded my head as a reply and put my attention back to the TV in front of me. He sat next to me; I had a feeling that he wants to talk about something.
“Taemin,” he paused.
“Hmm?” I gave him a soft hum.
“Where did you go yesterday morning?” I sighed as I heard his question. Sometimes, I hope he wasn’t too concerned to me. I keep silence while thinking about whether I tell him or not.
“I went to my friend’s place.”
“Don’t lie to me,” his voice getting deeper. “You don’t have any friends, do you?”
“I-I’m not lying hyung,” I insisted. “At least, he was my friend.” I said as my face turned sad. I can’t control my expression right now.
“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.” I heard regret in his voice. He strokes my hair and I shivered when his skin touched mine. “Forget it, okay?” He said as his eyes stared deepen on me.
“It’s okay hyung. Don’t worry.” I reassured him and he smiled to me. I like his smile so much. It feels like this world would be okay and no need to worry. I want to reply his smile, but I already forget how to smile. I hope someday I can smile back to him.
“Oh, I want to tell you that I have a soccer match this weekend. Come and watch me,” he gave me a ticket.
“I’ll try to come. Thanks.”
“No, you should come and support me. You should be there, Tae.”
***
As days passed, I felt Minho hyung became more concern to me. He always walks to the class and sits in the cafeteria with me. Jiyoung told me that most of the students were gossiping about us. She said they blamed me for breaking the friendship between Minho and his precious-popular friends. What a silly gossip. It’s not my fault that Minho prefer accompanying me rather than sitting with his friends. I thought Minho has already known about this but he didn’t seem to be bothered. So I’ll just enjoy my time with him whatever they’ll say about me.
As a reply for his concern to me, I keep trying not to hurt or make him worry anymore but I failed when it comes to my nightmares. Yeah, those frustrating nightmares keep coming every night. Except that night, the night when I slept next to him. I wish I can sleep with him every day.
“Hei, Taemin.” Jiyoung’s voice interrupted me. “Are you free this weekend? Nana and I are going to the mall this weekend to buy a gift for Nana’s brother.”
“Since I didn’t know what he likes, I decided to ask you to join us. Come on, I swear it won’t be too long,” Nana added.
“Sorry but I’ve already had a promise this weekend.”
“How if we go after you finished your business? Come on, I really need a help.”
Then, I got an idea. Since I have no one to accompany me watching the match, how if asked them to accompany me.
“I’ll go with you if you accompany me to watch Minho hyung’s soccer match.” I asked hesitantly. But their reaction was unexpected. They screamed happily knowing the cool Choi Minho is going to have a match and thanked me for the information. All of sudden, I regret my decision on telling them. They said they will absolutely come to see him. Yeah, it’s him who makes them comes not me.
***
I saw Key, Onew, and Jonghyun hyung not too far from my seat. I hope they don’t notice me here.
“Look! The precious-popular guys are here too,” Jiyoung said to Nana. “They still supporting Minho. I thought they have a quarrel.”
“How many times I’ve told you that Minho hyung doesn’t have any fights or problems with them. So, stop gossiping about him.” I said in an annoyed voice.
“Shit, I have to leave.” Nana unexpectedly left us in hurry without telling anything. But, before Jiyoung called her, she sent a message to Jiyoung. I saw my ex sitting in the row in front of us. I don’t want to see him so I decided to leave. Sorry, I’ll wait you on the gift shop. Nana.
“How silly she is.” I commented coldly and ended up getting a death glare from Jiyoung.
I saw the match has already begun. I saw Minho among the players; Jiyoung screamed his name crazily until he turned to us. I waved at him and I knew he was smiling to us. I’m actually not too interested on soccer matches because I don’t know anything about the rules and games. So, I just put my eyes on Minho and sometimes ask Jiyoung about what the supporter screamed on.
Minho played well; he made two goals so far. Jiyoung was about to fall whenever she saw Minho made goal or good shots but I hold her body before she really fall. I scolded her not too excited but she didn’t listen to me. She quite made me worry because our position was a little dangerous. She will easily fall to the seat in front of her if she moves carelessly. I don’t know why she loves goal so much because I don’t care about the goal. I’m too worried about Minho who fell for several times. I could feel my heart dropped whenever I saw him fell down or being cheated by the other team. I hope it won’t injure him too much.
The match ended on 3-1 for Minho’s team. Jiyoung and I left the stadium in hurry because Nana has become more annoying. She keeps calling us to make sure we left the stadium as soon as possible. I want to meet Minho to congrats him but Jiyoung force me to leave.
Nana scolded and complained to us right after she saw us. I sent a death glare to shut her mouth up and started to choose a gift for her brother. She said that her brother is a loner like me, so she thought I know something that will be useful for a loner. I suggested a headphone because when you’re lonely, music is the best way to escape. Nana agreed with me. She took a random headphone and got it wrapped. I looking around the shop while waiting and my eyes stopped on a cell phone strap. It’s just a simple soccer strap but reminds me with Minho. I went to the cashier to pay for it. I decided to give it as a reward for his victory. I got impatient to give it to him so I said to Nana and Jiyoung that I had something important to do. They let me go first and thanked me.
I opened the door and found Minho watching TV. But I knew there’s something wrong with him because he didn’t smile to me when I entered the room. And I was right, his face looked so angry, disappointed, or any expressions that related with it.
“Congratulation Minho hyung, you played well today.” I sat next to him.
“Thanks,” he replied. I felt my heart dropped when I heard his cold voice. It wasn’t his usual voice. He even didn’t look at me. “I need to sleep.” He left me just like that, ignoring my presence beside him.
“Minho hyung, I have something for you,” I said in order to hold him a little bit longer with me.
“I’m sleepy now. If you want to talk, talk to me later.” He cut my words before I could finish it. He lied on his bed and closed his eyes.
I don’t know what to say but it hurts a lot when he ignored me. Are you feeling this way when I ignored you hyung? I put the strap on his table. I wrote Congratulation hyung on a post-it and put it near the soccer strap.
Then, I lied on my bed and closed my eyes. I tried to sleep but failed. Minho is filling my mind right now. Thinking that he ignored me scared me a lot. I thought I didn’t do anything wrong today but why he ignored me? What are you angry at, hyung? Did I do some mistakes? I couldn’t hold it anymore. I moved to his bed and shook his body.
“Minho hyung,” he opened his eyes slowly. “May I sleep with you tonight?”
“No.”
Tears are falling down to my cheek when I heard his answer. He even didn’t look at me when he answered me. It hurt me badly. I lied back on my bed; tears kept falling from my eyes. I forced myself to sleep and ended up with my nightmares. This time it was getting worse and Minho didn’t wake me up. I awakened by myself after a long tiring nightmare. I saw Minho still sleeping on his bed. I couldn’t help and let tears falling down from my eyes. I cried awfully this night, not only because my nightmare but also because my heart hurt so much and it’s sick like hell.
Author: minhosims
Rating: G
Pairing: 2min
Summary: Taemin is a loner. He enjoyed all his wonderful time alone until Minho come and took his lonely times away. Taemin doesn’t want to befriend Minho, remembering his last friendship didn’t end well and gave him deep wounds. He doesn’t want his heart to be injured again so he decided to act like a loner. But, could he ignore Minho who seems so cool and caring at the same time?
A/N: This chapter is unbeta. Maybe you'll find some mistakes while you read. Sorry. Don't forget to COMMENT :)
“I’m sorry. I’m not going with you.”
“Yah, Minho! Are you kidding me?” Key yelled on the phone. He called me because they’re going to watch some movies today and asked me to join. But I can’t enjoy doing anything if I still worry about Taemin.
“Minho, are you serious about not going with us?” I heard Onew’s voice.
“Yes hyung. I’m sorry. Please enjoy your movies without me.”
“Why?”
“Sorry hyung, I can’t tell you now but I will.”
“Okay,” I could feel that he was disappointed but I couldn’t tell him yet. “Tell me whenever you’re ready. Bye”
I threw my body on my bed and buried my head on the pillow. Damn, why he didn’t tell me before he left? You fool Minho, why did he should tell you? Who are you? You’re not even his friend, I scolded myself. But I’m worrying him like hell. Suddenly, I remembered what he said last night, “I’m afraid”. What was he afraid of? There is nothing dangerous coming to you, isn’t it?
Wait, is he really just take a walk to refresh his mind? How if he met bad person who want something from him?
Shit, I’m out now.
I began to track some places near our school. But he wasn’t there. I kept searching and asking some sellers on the way whether they met Taemin this morning but none of them have ever met him. Shit, I have no more idea where I should go. So, I decide to back to dorm, maybe he has back now.
I opened the door, checked every corners in our room but he wasn’t here. He hasn’t back yet. I lied on the couch, tired and worried. Taemin, please, come back soon.
I was awakened by the sound of someone crying. I slowly opened my eyes, rubbed it to make my vision clearer. Gosh, Taemin! I saw him sitting on the chair in the kitchen, crying badly. I woke up and ran to him. I hugged him tightly as if I've just found back something precious.
“Where did you go this morning? How could you just left me without telling me first? And why are you crying? Is there something wrong?” I couldn’t help and asked a lot of question to him. But, he kept crying and didn’t answer me. When I look at his face, I only saw pain and sadness on it. It hurt me a lot and I would feel worse if I couldn’t do anything to make him better.
“Come on,” I pulled his body, we walked to the living room, and I forced him to sit on the couch. It’s more comfortable than a wooden chair.
“It’s okay Taemin.” I wiped away tears on his face. “I won’t force you to tell me what happened. But at least, can you tell me what do you want to do or what should I do to calm you down?”
“Sorry,” he answered. I could feel my heart dropped as I heard his sad voice, I hate myself when I can’t do anything to calm him down.
“It’s okay. Don’t be sorry.”
***
He hugged me tightly and tried to calm me down. And it was surprised me that his hug was so warm and calming. Maybe he thought that he couldn’t do anything to make me better, but he never knows that he has already calmed me down. His presence means a lot for me but I can’t tell him.
He’s sitting next to me now, his eyes staring on his phone as he typing something. I look at his face and it looks so tired. Did he worry me so much?
“I want to sleep,” I said. I can’t hold him here any longer. He needs a rest and he won’t sleep if I’m still here.
“Okay,” he followed behind me. I lied myself on my bed and covered my body with blanket. I closed my eyes, pretended to sleep. I knew he sat next to me and I felt it was about thirty minutes after I closed my eyes until he left me.
“Sleep well, Tae.” He patted my head softly and left my bed.
I thought I’ve closed my eyes for hours but I couldn’t sleep yet. I forced myself to sleep but it didn’t work. What happened this day scared me a lot, I’m afraid I would get a worse nightmare this night if I sleep. I opened my eyes, sat up on my bed, looked at my surrounding maybe there’s something I could do, but I thought I was too tired to do anything. I need to sleep but I can’t. I was about to lie back on my bed when my eyes stopped on Minho who is sleeping on his bed.
God, let me be selfish after these lonely years. I prayed before grabbed my pillow and walked towards his bed.
“Minho hyung,” I shook his body softly to wake him up. That was the first time I called him by his name.
“Minho hyung,” I repeated because he didn’t awake yet. But this time, I saw his eyes opened slowly.
“Minho hyung, may I sleep with you tonight?” I asked him hesitantly. I saw his face shocked and confused. But he moved to give free space for me on his bed.
“Yes, of course.” He answered. I put my pillow and lied beside him. I could feel his arm beside my hand and that feeling calmed me down, threw away the entire scare I had.
“I thought you were asleep. Are you awakening by your nightmare again?”
“No, I wasn’t asleep. I just closed my eyes, tried to sleep but I couldn’t”
“Why?”
“I was too scared to sleep. I want no nightmare this night.”
“Do you want me accompany you to stay up tonight?”
“No. Go back sleep hyung.”
“What about you?” Minho, are you caring me this much?
“I don’t know. I’ll try to sleep.”
“Then I’ll accompany you until you fall asleep.” He patted my head softly.
“Thanks hyung.”
“Taemin,” he called me.
“Hmm?”
“Don’t do that again. Don’t just go like this morning, you made me worried like hell.”
“Sorry hyung.”
“I don’t know you have a soft voice like now. Is it your real voice?” Why you asked me that question Minho? You asked like you’ve noticed my voice earlier.
“Yeah.”
“Then, why you always use the cold one?” Minho, you’re investigating me now.
“Because people hate it”
“So, you did it on purpose, right? You did it in order to keep them away from you.” Minho, you damn good on making me give up.
“Yeah and don’t ask me why”
“Promise me, you will tell me about your nightmares and your loneliness.”
Huh, how can I tell you about it Minho? You will leave me if I tell you. So, I won’t tell you, at least not now. Not when I really need you, not when I started to like you, not now. And forgive me for being so selfish.
“Sorry hyung, I can’t”
“If you can’t promise that, look for something to replace it”
“Why you forced me hyung?”
“It's because I have to share my bed with you tonight. I want you to pay it”
I tried to look for something to be promised to him. I thought I got one.
“I promise to talk to you with my real voice. Are you satisfied hyung?” he didn’t answer me. I turned my face to him, he’s fallen asleep. It gave me a chance to stare at his face; his face looked so handsome when he slept. I observed his face carefully. How someone could have such a perfect face like this? His forehead, his eyes, his nose, his cheek, his lips, and his chin, they’re all perfect.
I thought I could sleep without nightmare tonight.
***
I moved my body but my arm hit something beside me. I opened my eyes and saw Taemin slept beside me. I remembered that he asked me to sleep with him last night. I smile when I remembered about last night. It was the first time he called me Minho hyung with a soft but addictive voice. Even now, I want to hear him calling me like that.
I thought last night was the first night he didn’t screaming or crying. I could feel his body tensed for several times last night but turned back to relax in a short time. It was calming me to know that at least he didn’t get any nightmares when he slept with me. But I still disappointed because he didn’t tell me about the place he went yesterday. However, today, I’ll ask him where he went yesterday and do my best to make him answer me.
“Taemin, wake up.” I shook his body. He moved his body unwillingly and kept his eyes closed.
“Taemin, come on. We need to get ready for school. Wake up now.” I gave a little pressure on my voices to wake him up.
“Just five more minutes, hyung.” He muttered; his eyes still closed. I laughed at him, maybe this is why he always gets late on school. Another five minutes to sleep. I moved his body so I could get out of my bed and get shower. I found him still sleeping on my bed when I finished taking a shower.
“Taemin! Wake up now! I don’t want to get late!” I shouted at him. He finally woke up and walked to the bathroom.
It was about a half an hour before he finally went out of our room. I’ve waiting for him outside. He shocked when he saw me standing beside the door.
“What are doing here?” he asked.
“Come on. We have five minutes before we late.” I pulled him so he walked faster.
As I’ve expected, we were late but luckily the teacher didn’t scold us. Taemin said it was because I’m one of the precious-popular-guys. That made no sense for me. We didn’t talk much during the lesson because I kept my attention on the teacher and wrote down everything on my notes. And Taemin, as usual, he made himself busy by doodling here and there on his notes. He went out right after the bell rung.
I saw him sitting at his usual spot in cafeteria, eating his meal in silence. I came after him.
“You move faster when it comes to break or leave the class.” I sit in front of him, put my meal on the table, and face him.
***
“Hyung, what are doing here?” I asked him in shock.
“Me? I’m going to have lunch.”
“No, I mean is why are you sitting here?” Are you kidding me Minho? You always sit with your precious-popular friends. I turned to see Key hyung and the other. As I’ve expected, they’re all staring at us or maybe on Minho with such irritated eyes.
“Is it wrong if I want to eat here instead there?” he sent a quick glance at the-precious-popular table.
“Of course it’s wrong hyung. Didn’t you see their eyes? They look like want to get here and curse me.”
“Are you scared?” he smirked. But I thought he was wrong for saying such a question like that. His question successfully made me out of control.
“Are you kidding me? Why I should afraid of them? They’re just arrogant, over proud, and silly guys that being called as the-precious-popular-guys by another silly students. And they proudly accept that title, get privileges from the stupid teacher here, and earn a lot of attention from other student because of their damn pretty faces, solidarity, and their close and awesome friendship. But I’ll never let them just like that. Just look at how Key hyung tries his best to bet me on the exam but unfortunately he keeps on failing and I enjoy his unpleasant face when he found me as the number one on exam. They thought they’re the best in everything, ugh, just wait until I make them realise that they’re not that good at all.” I finished my words and looked at how Minho hyung dumbfounded in front of me. I couldn’t read his face at all.
“Tae, is it really you who said all that irritated words just now?”
“Yes hyung. It was me who said all of that. Why? You didn’t like it, did you? I tell you hyung, I hate them as much as I hate my nightmares.” I said to him coldly and I saw his face harden.
“Please, don’t say like that in front of me anymore. It hurts me, they’re my friends too.” I feel my heart dropped as he said he hurts. “I’ll ask them why they hate you. Maybe there is something I can do with both of you.”
I didn’t listen to what he said anymore. The fact that I’m already hurt him turned me down. Am I always hurting my friends?
“Taemin?” I didn’t answer him.
“Tae, are you okay?” his face become worry again. He’s staring at me now, waiting for an answer.
“Yes,” I answered awkwardly just to calm him down. Luckily the bell rung and we went back to our class.
***
“Onew hyung, can we talk for awhile?” I asked him.
“Me? Oh, of course. I’ll text Key not to wait me.” He took his phone and sent a message for Key. We went to the school backyard because it is the perfect place to talk. It’s not so crowded there.
“What do you want to talk about?” Onew asked me.
“It’s about all of you. Why do you hate Taemin? Is there any explanation for it?”
“So, it’s about him, right?” he smirked. “Okay, I’ll tell you. Actually I’m not too bothered to what he has done but not for Key and Jonghyun. We hate him because we were accidentally heard the conversation between Taemin and his friends. They were right in front of us when he said that we’re just a silly guys and bla bla bla. Something that will hurt your ears and you know Key too well to guess what he did next.”
“Yeah, he must be berated him.” I answered. But, deep in thought I wondered why Taemin could have a bad thought to the people that he even didn’t know yet.
“About yesterday, would you mind telling me what happened?”
“Taemin was gone when I woke up. He never able to wake up early in the morning but all of sudden, he disappeared in early morning. He worried me like hell. He didn’t tell me about his gone yet but he will. I’ll make him tell me about that.” I realize Onew is staring at me with a confused face. Just wait for a second till he asked me about Taemin.
“Minho, well, I don’t know what to say but you really give a deep concern to Taemin. I’ve known you for years to say that you have something more than become a friend with Taemin. Are you?”
His question was shocking me. How could he ask a silly question like that?
“What did you say hyung? Of course I’m not. You just don’t know about him yet. You will pay the same attention as me to him if you know how worse his nightmares are. Believe me; you definitely do not want to see his face when he awakens from his nightmares.”
“Is it that bad? His nightmares?”
“The worst one I’ve ever know.”
***
He opened the door and smiled to me. I nodded my head as a reply and put my attention back to the TV in front of me. He sat next to me; I had a feeling that he wants to talk about something.
“Taemin,” he paused.
“Hmm?” I gave him a soft hum.
“Where did you go yesterday morning?” I sighed as I heard his question. Sometimes, I hope he wasn’t too concerned to me. I keep silence while thinking about whether I tell him or not.
“I went to my friend’s place.”
“Don’t lie to me,” his voice getting deeper. “You don’t have any friends, do you?”
“I-I’m not lying hyung,” I insisted. “At least, he was my friend.” I said as my face turned sad. I can’t control my expression right now.
“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.” I heard regret in his voice. He strokes my hair and I shivered when his skin touched mine. “Forget it, okay?” He said as his eyes stared deepen on me.
“It’s okay hyung. Don’t worry.” I reassured him and he smiled to me. I like his smile so much. It feels like this world would be okay and no need to worry. I want to reply his smile, but I already forget how to smile. I hope someday I can smile back to him.
“Oh, I want to tell you that I have a soccer match this weekend. Come and watch me,” he gave me a ticket.
“I’ll try to come. Thanks.”
“No, you should come and support me. You should be there, Tae.”
***
As days passed, I felt Minho hyung became more concern to me. He always walks to the class and sits in the cafeteria with me. Jiyoung told me that most of the students were gossiping about us. She said they blamed me for breaking the friendship between Minho and his precious-popular friends. What a silly gossip. It’s not my fault that Minho prefer accompanying me rather than sitting with his friends. I thought Minho has already known about this but he didn’t seem to be bothered. So I’ll just enjoy my time with him whatever they’ll say about me.
As a reply for his concern to me, I keep trying not to hurt or make him worry anymore but I failed when it comes to my nightmares. Yeah, those frustrating nightmares keep coming every night. Except that night, the night when I slept next to him. I wish I can sleep with him every day.
“Hei, Taemin.” Jiyoung’s voice interrupted me. “Are you free this weekend? Nana and I are going to the mall this weekend to buy a gift for Nana’s brother.”
“Since I didn’t know what he likes, I decided to ask you to join us. Come on, I swear it won’t be too long,” Nana added.
“Sorry but I’ve already had a promise this weekend.”
“How if we go after you finished your business? Come on, I really need a help.”
Then, I got an idea. Since I have no one to accompany me watching the match, how if asked them to accompany me.
“I’ll go with you if you accompany me to watch Minho hyung’s soccer match.” I asked hesitantly. But their reaction was unexpected. They screamed happily knowing the cool Choi Minho is going to have a match and thanked me for the information. All of sudden, I regret my decision on telling them. They said they will absolutely come to see him. Yeah, it’s him who makes them comes not me.
***
I saw Key, Onew, and Jonghyun hyung not too far from my seat. I hope they don’t notice me here.
“Look! The precious-popular guys are here too,” Jiyoung said to Nana. “They still supporting Minho. I thought they have a quarrel.”
“How many times I’ve told you that Minho hyung doesn’t have any fights or problems with them. So, stop gossiping about him.” I said in an annoyed voice.
“Shit, I have to leave.” Nana unexpectedly left us in hurry without telling anything. But, before Jiyoung called her, she sent a message to Jiyoung. I saw my ex sitting in the row in front of us. I don’t want to see him so I decided to leave. Sorry, I’ll wait you on the gift shop. Nana.
“How silly she is.” I commented coldly and ended up getting a death glare from Jiyoung.
I saw the match has already begun. I saw Minho among the players; Jiyoung screamed his name crazily until he turned to us. I waved at him and I knew he was smiling to us. I’m actually not too interested on soccer matches because I don’t know anything about the rules and games. So, I just put my eyes on Minho and sometimes ask Jiyoung about what the supporter screamed on.
Minho played well; he made two goals so far. Jiyoung was about to fall whenever she saw Minho made goal or good shots but I hold her body before she really fall. I scolded her not too excited but she didn’t listen to me. She quite made me worry because our position was a little dangerous. She will easily fall to the seat in front of her if she moves carelessly. I don’t know why she loves goal so much because I don’t care about the goal. I’m too worried about Minho who fell for several times. I could feel my heart dropped whenever I saw him fell down or being cheated by the other team. I hope it won’t injure him too much.
The match ended on 3-1 for Minho’s team. Jiyoung and I left the stadium in hurry because Nana has become more annoying. She keeps calling us to make sure we left the stadium as soon as possible. I want to meet Minho to congrats him but Jiyoung force me to leave.
Nana scolded and complained to us right after she saw us. I sent a death glare to shut her mouth up and started to choose a gift for her brother. She said that her brother is a loner like me, so she thought I know something that will be useful for a loner. I suggested a headphone because when you’re lonely, music is the best way to escape. Nana agreed with me. She took a random headphone and got it wrapped. I looking around the shop while waiting and my eyes stopped on a cell phone strap. It’s just a simple soccer strap but reminds me with Minho. I went to the cashier to pay for it. I decided to give it as a reward for his victory. I got impatient to give it to him so I said to Nana and Jiyoung that I had something important to do. They let me go first and thanked me.
I opened the door and found Minho watching TV. But I knew there’s something wrong with him because he didn’t smile to me when I entered the room. And I was right, his face looked so angry, disappointed, or any expressions that related with it.
“Congratulation Minho hyung, you played well today.” I sat next to him.
“Thanks,” he replied. I felt my heart dropped when I heard his cold voice. It wasn’t his usual voice. He even didn’t look at me. “I need to sleep.” He left me just like that, ignoring my presence beside him.
“Minho hyung, I have something for you,” I said in order to hold him a little bit longer with me.
“I’m sleepy now. If you want to talk, talk to me later.” He cut my words before I could finish it. He lied on his bed and closed his eyes.
I don’t know what to say but it hurts a lot when he ignored me. Are you feeling this way when I ignored you hyung? I put the strap on his table. I wrote Congratulation hyung on a post-it and put it near the soccer strap.
Then, I lied on my bed and closed my eyes. I tried to sleep but failed. Minho is filling my mind right now. Thinking that he ignored me scared me a lot. I thought I didn’t do anything wrong today but why he ignored me? What are you angry at, hyung? Did I do some mistakes? I couldn’t hold it anymore. I moved to his bed and shook his body.
“Minho hyung,” he opened his eyes slowly. “May I sleep with you tonight?”
“No.”
Tears are falling down to my cheek when I heard his answer. He even didn’t look at me when he answered me. It hurt me badly. I lied back on my bed; tears kept falling from my eyes. I forced myself to sleep and ended up with my nightmares. This time it was getting worse and Minho didn’t wake me up. I awakened by myself after a long tiring nightmare. I saw Minho still sleeping on his bed. I couldn’t help and let tears falling down from my eyes. I cried awfully this night, not only because my nightmare but also because my heart hurt so much and it’s sick like hell.