(no subject)
I actually have stuff to talk about in here now.
I have the most dastardly crush on my scene partner. Fuck. What the hell am I going to handle this one? I tried to tell myself, don't worry it's just a scene, but I feel something there that is not "just a scene". I think it may just be lust (which is possible because he is 1)extremely attractive, 2)a veeeerrrry good kisser (weird how I know that already), and 3) is, I can't believe this still has an effect on me - French.
Then again, I feel like I can talk to him about anything and it feels as if we've been friends for a long time. I find myself being more excited to see him than to see my own boyfriend. This is so wrong. At least my conscience is still intact. I couldn't even stop thinking about him all weekend. Okay, maybe my conscience is faltering.
He is coming over on Thursday to rehearse - which is quite awkward once again, because well, we have to rehearse in my room. Lovely. I'm coming pretty much as close to adultery as one can without technically being adulterous. I think that's a word.
I don't know what I'm going to do if this develops even further. I still love Palmer, don't get me wrong, but sometimes I think to myself, is this it? I'm 19, I have my whole life ahead of me and I've already found the guy I'm going to be with? I was feeling this back in October, but this outlet of experimentation (the scene) has really furthered my thoughts on the subject.
Wow. Boys make things complicated. I have to figure this thing out sooner than later.
I have the most dastardly crush on my scene partner. Fuck. What the hell am I going to handle this one? I tried to tell myself, don't worry it's just a scene, but I feel something there that is not "just a scene". I think it may just be lust (which is possible because he is 1)extremely attractive, 2)a veeeerrrry good kisser (weird how I know that already), and 3) is, I can't believe this still has an effect on me - French.
Then again, I feel like I can talk to him about anything and it feels as if we've been friends for a long time. I find myself being more excited to see him than to see my own boyfriend. This is so wrong. At least my conscience is still intact. I couldn't even stop thinking about him all weekend. Okay, maybe my conscience is faltering.
He is coming over on Thursday to rehearse - which is quite awkward once again, because well, we have to rehearse in my room. Lovely. I'm coming pretty much as close to adultery as one can without technically being adulterous. I think that's a word.
I don't know what I'm going to do if this develops even further. I still love Palmer, don't get me wrong, but sometimes I think to myself, is this it? I'm 19, I have my whole life ahead of me and I've already found the guy I'm going to be with? I was feeling this back in October, but this outlet of experimentation (the scene) has really furthered my thoughts on the subject.
Wow. Boys make things complicated. I have to figure this thing out sooner than later.