A Day in my LIfe
TL:DR Version: My level of illness everyday is large. I can't afford to go without my job...even though it's draining my life...but as long as I have a job I cannot get any disability.
5:30am: Wake up and feel stiff, sore, and very painful all over. Have to pee. Lie in bed for 5 minutes debating if you really have to go all that bad and if it's worth it to get up now or to try to hold it and doze until the alarm goes of.
5:35am: Decide it's worth getting up and get out of bed clenching your teeth so you don't cry out and wake up people. Stand up and swear quietly and meaningfully as it feels like you've just stood on some knife blades. Keep walking to the bathroom in quick and very painful steps, holding on to furinture and biting back swear words and crying softly as you do.
5:45am: Finally get up the nerve to repeat the painful process of going back to the bedroom.
5:50am Get back in bed with a sigh of relief, and start to doze.
6:00am Wake up to husbands alarm and stay awake in a doze, with a headache, until he finishes getting ready and leaves for work.
7:00am Get back to a fitful sleep.
9:00am Wake up because Hear Charlie wake up, get up as quickly as possible and take the knife walk back to the bathroom. Put down the shower mat while swearing from having to bend over and make my back scream with pain. Shower and feel relief as the hot water hits me briefly making my pain a lot less.
9:15am Turn off shower, start shivering and feeling most of the pain come swooshing back. Take knife walk back to room and get dressed. Finish with very comfy slippers so feels like walking on rocks instead of knives.
9:30am Go in to Charlie who is playing in his cot and say good morning to him. Pick out clothing from him, lift him out of cot (arms and back hate this) put him on change table. Undress him and change his nappy. Carry Charlie and his clothing downstairs (arms and back really really unhappy about this especially as Charlie likes to twist around), put him in the middle of the living room surrounded by his toys and watch him go play with his shoe while you rest for a minute.
9:45am Get Charlie breakfast, bite lip to keep from swearing while wrestling Charlie into his highchair. Feed him, wincing every time he kicks me in the knee by accident. Get more and more achey while feeding Charlie (and myself)
10:00am Clean up Charlie, clean up breakfast dishes and carry Charlie over to couch (another protest from arms and back and by now legs and feet) engage in wrestling match known as "Dressing Charlie" finish exhausted with him at least in a shirt and trousers and think "I'll get socks before we go out anywhere"
10:30am: Watch Charlie play, jumping up every now and again to stop him accidently killing himself, and rest on the couch broken up by Charlie coming over and jumping on me for play and kisses. Which I love but am by now feeling exhausted and very very painful. Take some paracetamol. Occasionally change a nappy.
11:15am Notice Charlie is getting tired, put him in travel cot and go upstairs which usually works well as need the loo anyway. Leave music on. Climb upstairs knees scream in pain, feel like crying. Go to loo. Get out of loo to listen. Note that Charlie is no longer fussing but is being quiet. Go and lie on bed and read while listening out for Charlie. Hear Charlie fuss one or two more times for brief periods of time, then quiet. Fall asleep from exhaustion and pain.
1:00pm: Wake up because Charlie starts crying. Feeling fuzzy and tired still, still in pain as well. Count to 10, go downstairs and pick up Charlie knees, legs, arms, and back really do not like this. Hurt a lot. Change his nappy.
1:20pm: Get Charlie's lunch ready. Wrestle him into highchair, feed him. Body is in lots of pain, feeling very tired. Feed self while feeding Charlie.
1:40pm: Clean up Charlie, clean up dishes, put Charlie in living room to play. Watch him immediately leave the living room to play with his highchair. Put on his shows, watch him come back into the leaving room and start playing with stacking cups. Try to rest on the couch broken up with him jumping on me, having to save him from himself, or having to change a nappy.
2:50ish: Decide should really show Charlie what the outside looks like. Get out the pushchair, wrestle Charlie into the pushchair, stop for a quick breather and feel exhausted and like I want to cry. Decide to take Charlie out anyway in a weary kind of way. Take Charlie to either a) little play park, b) Children's Centre play group, c) bus stop to get bus to Newton Abbot, or d) give up and decide to stay in. Depending how badly I feel. Usually it's a or b or d.
If A then go on the swings for a bit and a little on the slide til either Charlie gets bored or I'm in too much pain then get back home while holding back tears as it feels like some one is stabbing me all over my body.
If B: Then I take him down to the Children's Centre, sign him in, get him out of the pushchair, (trying to hide the fact that I'm in a lot of pain.) put Charlie down in the middle of a room full of toys and then spend 5 minutes trying to get him to leave my shoes alone. Finally get him playing and chat with other mums to distract me. Finsih up when Charlie gets fussy, wrestle him back into the highchair, feeling like hell now and just wanting to go to bed.
If it's C then I add in catching the bus and wanting to cry on that and end up having to catch a later bus to my in-laws because I can't make the hill back home and have to meet Simon there to get a lift home.
If it's D then I unwrestle Charlie and let him play while I watch him with or without t.v. on.
4:20pm: Charlie falls asleep, put him in the downstairs travel cot, go upstairs and crash on the bed.
5:35pm: Charlie wakes up about the time Simon gets home. Simon takes one look at me and changes Charlie and feeds him while I slowly make my way downstairs. I watch Charlie while Simon makes dinner.
6:30pm: Eat Dinner.
6:45pm: Watch Charlie while Simon does some chores. Also talk to Simon about his day while he plays with Charlie.
8:00pm: Charlie starts getting quite tired, Simon makes up a bottle and takes Charlie up to bed. I go to the toliet, shower, and crash in bed crying from pain in my...everything really.
8:45pm: Charlie goes to sleep, (mostly) and Simon comes into the bedroom to chat with me before I go to sleep. Talk for a good while.
10:00pm: Take meds.
10:30pm: Finally pass out from exhaustion and painkillers finally kick in enough I can sleep through the pain
5:30am: Wake up and feel stiff, sore, and very painful all over. Have to pee. Lie in bed for 5 minutes debating if you really have to go all that bad and if it's worth it to get up now or to try to hold it and doze until the alarm goes of.
5:35am: Decide it's worth getting up and get out of bed clenching your teeth so you don't cry out and wake up people. Stand up and swear quietly and meaningfully as it feels like you've just stood on some knife blades. Keep walking to the bathroom in quick and very painful steps, holding on to furinture and biting back swear words and crying softly as you do.
5:45am: Finally get up the nerve to repeat the painful process of going back to the bedroom.
5:50am Get back in bed with a sigh of relief, and start to doze.
6:00am Wake up to husbands alarm and stay awake in a doze, with a headache, until he finishes getting ready and leaves for work.
7:00am Get back to a fitful sleep.
9:00am Wake up because Hear Charlie wake up, get up as quickly as possible and take the knife walk back to the bathroom. Put down the shower mat while swearing from having to bend over and make my back scream with pain. Shower and feel relief as the hot water hits me briefly making my pain a lot less.
9:15am Turn off shower, start shivering and feeling most of the pain come swooshing back. Take knife walk back to room and get dressed. Finish with very comfy slippers so feels like walking on rocks instead of knives.
9:30am Go in to Charlie who is playing in his cot and say good morning to him. Pick out clothing from him, lift him out of cot (arms and back hate this) put him on change table. Undress him and change his nappy. Carry Charlie and his clothing downstairs (arms and back really really unhappy about this especially as Charlie likes to twist around), put him in the middle of the living room surrounded by his toys and watch him go play with his shoe while you rest for a minute.
9:45am Get Charlie breakfast, bite lip to keep from swearing while wrestling Charlie into his highchair. Feed him, wincing every time he kicks me in the knee by accident. Get more and more achey while feeding Charlie (and myself)
10:00am Clean up Charlie, clean up breakfast dishes and carry Charlie over to couch (another protest from arms and back and by now legs and feet) engage in wrestling match known as "Dressing Charlie" finish exhausted with him at least in a shirt and trousers and think "I'll get socks before we go out anywhere"
10:30am: Watch Charlie play, jumping up every now and again to stop him accidently killing himself, and rest on the couch broken up by Charlie coming over and jumping on me for play and kisses. Which I love but am by now feeling exhausted and very very painful. Take some paracetamol. Occasionally change a nappy.
11:15am Notice Charlie is getting tired, put him in travel cot and go upstairs which usually works well as need the loo anyway. Leave music on. Climb upstairs knees scream in pain, feel like crying. Go to loo. Get out of loo to listen. Note that Charlie is no longer fussing but is being quiet. Go and lie on bed and read while listening out for Charlie. Hear Charlie fuss one or two more times for brief periods of time, then quiet. Fall asleep from exhaustion and pain.
1:00pm: Wake up because Charlie starts crying. Feeling fuzzy and tired still, still in pain as well. Count to 10, go downstairs and pick up Charlie knees, legs, arms, and back really do not like this. Hurt a lot. Change his nappy.
1:20pm: Get Charlie's lunch ready. Wrestle him into highchair, feed him. Body is in lots of pain, feeling very tired. Feed self while feeding Charlie.
1:40pm: Clean up Charlie, clean up dishes, put Charlie in living room to play. Watch him immediately leave the living room to play with his highchair. Put on his shows, watch him come back into the leaving room and start playing with stacking cups. Try to rest on the couch broken up with him jumping on me, having to save him from himself, or having to change a nappy.
2:50ish: Decide should really show Charlie what the outside looks like. Get out the pushchair, wrestle Charlie into the pushchair, stop for a quick breather and feel exhausted and like I want to cry. Decide to take Charlie out anyway in a weary kind of way. Take Charlie to either a) little play park, b) Children's Centre play group, c) bus stop to get bus to Newton Abbot, or d) give up and decide to stay in. Depending how badly I feel. Usually it's a or b or d.
If A then go on the swings for a bit and a little on the slide til either Charlie gets bored or I'm in too much pain then get back home while holding back tears as it feels like some one is stabbing me all over my body.
If B: Then I take him down to the Children's Centre, sign him in, get him out of the pushchair, (trying to hide the fact that I'm in a lot of pain.) put Charlie down in the middle of a room full of toys and then spend 5 minutes trying to get him to leave my shoes alone. Finally get him playing and chat with other mums to distract me. Finsih up when Charlie gets fussy, wrestle him back into the highchair, feeling like hell now and just wanting to go to bed.
If it's C then I add in catching the bus and wanting to cry on that and end up having to catch a later bus to my in-laws because I can't make the hill back home and have to meet Simon there to get a lift home.
If it's D then I unwrestle Charlie and let him play while I watch him with or without t.v. on.
4:20pm: Charlie falls asleep, put him in the downstairs travel cot, go upstairs and crash on the bed.
5:35pm: Charlie wakes up about the time Simon gets home. Simon takes one look at me and changes Charlie and feeds him while I slowly make my way downstairs. I watch Charlie while Simon makes dinner.
6:30pm: Eat Dinner.
6:45pm: Watch Charlie while Simon does some chores. Also talk to Simon about his day while he plays with Charlie.
8:00pm: Charlie starts getting quite tired, Simon makes up a bottle and takes Charlie up to bed. I go to the toliet, shower, and crash in bed crying from pain in my...everything really.
8:45pm: Charlie goes to sleep, (mostly) and Simon comes into the bedroom to chat with me before I go to sleep. Talk for a good while.
10:00pm: Take meds.
10:30pm: Finally pass out from exhaustion and painkillers finally kick in enough I can sleep through the pain