(no subject)
I have a bad week that saps everything away from me. I really did try to be strong and every now and then, I do come up with something positive to keep me going. Like the River Island bag I splurged on last weekend cos I love it too much. Like my 10.2 timing for 2.4km. Like the passing of my IPPT. There are so many things that I could think of to keep me going. I work to make this life better for me but sometimes, some days in my life are just many pieces of rotten shit.
I was in this state of despair when the vehicle chose to break down along the expressway last night. I was not alone, but I was certainly tired and sick of everything. I just wanted to end the day proper and snug under my blanket and have a good sleep to get over the shit in the day. I sat along the expressway for the first time in my life past midnight, with 2 other guys. Something new, I guess. And don't think I'm gotta be doing it again for the rest of my life.
But at those times when I have yet to find the positivity in me, stupid things always flood my mind. It has to be at those times when I am most vulnerable. I felt so pathetic in life. And I thought of those let-down moments in life. I missed certain people in life and I missed them even more at those times. And I think a lot more about other things. Things that I don't agree in my conscious mind because I just want to make my life better. But sub-consciously, they will always be there.
They have always been there, and that hurts.
Cos' they only come back to you when you are weak in life. Even for that second.
That's why, sometimes, I am just this tired of being strong.
I have to hang on because I really can't let go. I really can't.
Freed me.
I was in this state of despair when the vehicle chose to break down along the expressway last night. I was not alone, but I was certainly tired and sick of everything. I just wanted to end the day proper and snug under my blanket and have a good sleep to get over the shit in the day. I sat along the expressway for the first time in my life past midnight, with 2 other guys. Something new, I guess. And don't think I'm gotta be doing it again for the rest of my life.
But at those times when I have yet to find the positivity in me, stupid things always flood my mind. It has to be at those times when I am most vulnerable. I felt so pathetic in life. And I thought of those let-down moments in life. I missed certain people in life and I missed them even more at those times. And I think a lot more about other things. Things that I don't agree in my conscious mind because I just want to make my life better. But sub-consciously, they will always be there.
They have always been there, and that hurts.
Cos' they only come back to you when you are weak in life. Even for that second.
That's why, sometimes, I am just this tired of being strong.
I have to hang on because I really can't let go. I really can't.
Freed me.