(no subject)
I keep putting off updating with anything substantial because I feel too negative. I don't want to rant, because I'm worried I'll offend people when I don't mean to, and ranting is all I feel like using lj for.
Usual disclaimers: this isn't aimed at anyone, and isn't intended as offensive. Just a bit of venting.
When I answer the buzz and say 'hello' the correct response is not 'I want to come in'. I kinda gathered that from the fact you buzzed, but that doesn't mean I have to let you in. You ought to tell me why. I've got no idea who you are.
That said, I, of course, let the person in. And into the flat, because I had a moment of 'why should I' followed very closely by 'she'll think I'm being very rude'.
Which is the point of the rant, really. Rudeness. I don't remember ever having it forcibly instilled in me, or any occasions when I was deeply embarrassed by my own actions because of my lack of it, but politeness is very important to me. Taking other people into consideration. All of the time.
It manifests itself in a variety of ways. Keeping your mouth shut when you chew. Saying thank you when someone holds a door for you. Not getting angry at someone for something they can't help. nterrupting a conversation with something completely irrelevant because you're not interested in what people were talking about. The one that has always bugged me most, I think, is not paying attention.
Okay, so the teacher is boring. You know this stuff, or you don't want to know. I was brought up to believe you should still, at the very least, appear to be paying attention. No reading, no talking, no blatant ignoring. Drove me up the wall at school. For a start, other people very probably are interested in what's being said. Secondly, you're in danger of missing things you are interested in. Thirdly, and most importantly to me, if you're offending the person you ought to be paying attention to. They're doing this for you. Maybe they benefit too, but even if their motives are entirely selfish it's still offputting and upsetting to see people acting as though you're not even there.
It's like having someone wander off in the middle of a conversation because they've thought of something else they'd rather be doing. And then start talking to someone else, in some cases. Why are some people deserving of your attention and some not? At least have the nerve to excuse yourself. "Sorry, x doesn't interest me. Perhap we could discuss y, or I could move away for a bit so I don't disturb people who are interested in x." Personally, I find that very hard to do, which is why I always make an effort to pay attention. I don't always succeed, but I like to think I don't make it too obvious.
There are two sort of key sources of rudeness, as far as I can see. Selfishness, and inconsideration. Occasionaly ignorance too, but for the most part that still comes under inconsideration. Maybe you aren't aware that your behaviour is bothering others, but would you really be fine with it if someone behaved like that towards you? I'm sure the girl who I let in didn't think she was being rude, but I highly doubt she'd like it if someone was that abrupt and demanding to her. Even a 'please' or 'thank you' can turn around the sentiment of a statement.
Everything you do affects others. Everything. Insert ecosystem analogy here. Politeness is essential. Even if you believe in being completely straightforward and saying exactly what you think you can still do it politely. It's not dressing it up or being twofaced. I'm sure you don't really want to offend people - they're far less likely to listen to your opinions if you do even if they are well thought out and perfectly sensible. If you're right and rude people will treat you like you're wrong.
So, yeah. Politeness. Big button for me. I never say anything to anyone's faces, which I know is not productive way of going about things, but I can't quite understand why so many people seem to need so much saying to them. And I don't want to offend them. Even if I'm offended by your behaviour, that doesn't give me the right to offend you in turn. Until you push me too far, at which point I'll probably explode and start dredging up things that happened years ago just so I can keep going. I don't know; it hasn't happened yet. But if someone manages to push me to a point where I one hundred percent cease to care about their opinion (probably a point where I know for certain I'll never see them again) then I'm pretty sure they'll hear about exactly how it got that way.
In other news, I've finally got going on my essay. No title or introduction, but several paragraphs after that. It's probably going to be far too long again. Sort of trundling along, because I keep getting distracted by things around me. Especially 'One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest' which is one of the best books I've ever read. I'm already halfway through, and I didn't pick it up until late last night.
I keep getting cravings for cake with thick butter icing, which resulted in me going to get food to help motivated me with the essay. Turns out I have a bakewell tarts problem. It's quite similar to the mince pie problem I had over Christmas. Possibly it's a small tart/pie in a foil case problem. Six bakewell tarts in about five minuts, when I really honestly only intended to have one and put the rest in the cupboard. Oops.
And Grr at McVites. 'White Choclate & Raspberry Cookies'. Hah! Read down a little furtherL '... raspberry flavoured fruit pieces'. Eh? According to the ingredients they're 'sugar, concentrated fruit purees (apple, pear, raspberry, elderberry')'. What's wrong with just putting raspberry in? Little bits of dried raspberry. And, to add insult to injury, they're not even cookies. They're biscuits (twice backed, hard and crispy). I want gooey soft cookies :(
Actually, after 6 bakewell tarts and far too many cups of tea, I don't really want anything.
Oh, yes, last weekend there was an almighty_frog here, and fun was had by all. I'm stupidly proud of myself for now owning several straight runs of Impulse comics, which considering they stopped the series a few years ago, and the early ones are about 8 years old, I'm quite proud of. I also have new Constantine and Fables, and a book I already own (why did Borders have both the American nad English editions in? And why on earth are they under different names? I can see no motivation whatsoever to change it, unless it's for the spelling of 'honour'). And a corset. Which, last time I check online, I hadn't been charged for! Is very pretty. At some point I'll scan the little illustration I did of me buying it.
Nnnn. Is all grey and dim out there. Makes me want to read more. 'Cuckoo's nest' is such a great book, anwhen I'm done with it I'll probably move straight on to the Gormenghast trilogy, to keep nicely in the mindfuck vein. But now? Essay. Grr.
Usual disclaimers: this isn't aimed at anyone, and isn't intended as offensive. Just a bit of venting.
When I answer the buzz and say 'hello' the correct response is not 'I want to come in'. I kinda gathered that from the fact you buzzed, but that doesn't mean I have to let you in. You ought to tell me why. I've got no idea who you are.
That said, I, of course, let the person in. And into the flat, because I had a moment of 'why should I' followed very closely by 'she'll think I'm being very rude'.
Which is the point of the rant, really. Rudeness. I don't remember ever having it forcibly instilled in me, or any occasions when I was deeply embarrassed by my own actions because of my lack of it, but politeness is very important to me. Taking other people into consideration. All of the time.
It manifests itself in a variety of ways. Keeping your mouth shut when you chew. Saying thank you when someone holds a door for you. Not getting angry at someone for something they can't help. nterrupting a conversation with something completely irrelevant because you're not interested in what people were talking about. The one that has always bugged me most, I think, is not paying attention.
Okay, so the teacher is boring. You know this stuff, or you don't want to know. I was brought up to believe you should still, at the very least, appear to be paying attention. No reading, no talking, no blatant ignoring. Drove me up the wall at school. For a start, other people very probably are interested in what's being said. Secondly, you're in danger of missing things you are interested in. Thirdly, and most importantly to me, if you're offending the person you ought to be paying attention to. They're doing this for you. Maybe they benefit too, but even if their motives are entirely selfish it's still offputting and upsetting to see people acting as though you're not even there.
It's like having someone wander off in the middle of a conversation because they've thought of something else they'd rather be doing. And then start talking to someone else, in some cases. Why are some people deserving of your attention and some not? At least have the nerve to excuse yourself. "Sorry, x doesn't interest me. Perhap we could discuss y, or I could move away for a bit so I don't disturb people who are interested in x." Personally, I find that very hard to do, which is why I always make an effort to pay attention. I don't always succeed, but I like to think I don't make it too obvious.
There are two sort of key sources of rudeness, as far as I can see. Selfishness, and inconsideration. Occasionaly ignorance too, but for the most part that still comes under inconsideration. Maybe you aren't aware that your behaviour is bothering others, but would you really be fine with it if someone behaved like that towards you? I'm sure the girl who I let in didn't think she was being rude, but I highly doubt she'd like it if someone was that abrupt and demanding to her. Even a 'please' or 'thank you' can turn around the sentiment of a statement.
Everything you do affects others. Everything. Insert ecosystem analogy here. Politeness is essential. Even if you believe in being completely straightforward and saying exactly what you think you can still do it politely. It's not dressing it up or being twofaced. I'm sure you don't really want to offend people - they're far less likely to listen to your opinions if you do even if they are well thought out and perfectly sensible. If you're right and rude people will treat you like you're wrong.
So, yeah. Politeness. Big button for me. I never say anything to anyone's faces, which I know is not productive way of going about things, but I can't quite understand why so many people seem to need so much saying to them. And I don't want to offend them. Even if I'm offended by your behaviour, that doesn't give me the right to offend you in turn. Until you push me too far, at which point I'll probably explode and start dredging up things that happened years ago just so I can keep going. I don't know; it hasn't happened yet. But if someone manages to push me to a point where I one hundred percent cease to care about their opinion (probably a point where I know for certain I'll never see them again) then I'm pretty sure they'll hear about exactly how it got that way.
In other news, I've finally got going on my essay. No title or introduction, but several paragraphs after that. It's probably going to be far too long again. Sort of trundling along, because I keep getting distracted by things around me. Especially 'One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest' which is one of the best books I've ever read. I'm already halfway through, and I didn't pick it up until late last night.
I keep getting cravings for cake with thick butter icing, which resulted in me going to get food to help motivated me with the essay. Turns out I have a bakewell tarts problem. It's quite similar to the mince pie problem I had over Christmas. Possibly it's a small tart/pie in a foil case problem. Six bakewell tarts in about five minuts, when I really honestly only intended to have one and put the rest in the cupboard. Oops.
And Grr at McVites. 'White Choclate & Raspberry Cookies'. Hah! Read down a little furtherL '... raspberry flavoured fruit pieces'. Eh? According to the ingredients they're 'sugar, concentrated fruit purees (apple, pear, raspberry, elderberry')'. What's wrong with just putting raspberry in? Little bits of dried raspberry. And, to add insult to injury, they're not even cookies. They're biscuits (twice backed, hard and crispy). I want gooey soft cookies :(
Actually, after 6 bakewell tarts and far too many cups of tea, I don't really want anything.
Oh, yes, last weekend there was an almighty_frog here, and fun was had by all. I'm stupidly proud of myself for now owning several straight runs of Impulse comics, which considering they stopped the series a few years ago, and the early ones are about 8 years old, I'm quite proud of. I also have new Constantine and Fables, and a book I already own (why did Borders have both the American nad English editions in? And why on earth are they under different names? I can see no motivation whatsoever to change it, unless it's for the spelling of 'honour'). And a corset. Which, last time I check online, I hadn't been charged for! Is very pretty. At some point I'll scan the little illustration I did of me buying it.
Nnnn. Is all grey and dim out there. Makes me want to read more. 'Cuckoo's nest' is such a great book, anwhen I'm done with it I'll probably move straight on to the Gormenghast trilogy, to keep nicely in the mindfuck vein. But now? Essay. Grr.