Life's A Long Song
Well. It started a little over a year ago. It was at Charitably Loud of 10th grade, when I first met her. Several weeks after Charitably Loud people started telling me that this girl Catie Reilly thought I was cute. I didn't even know who she was. We ended up being together for a year. We WERE a great couple. Once I got past the initial uneasyness around her, but before I got TOO comfortable with her, our relationship was great. Then I guess my assholy nature kicked in. I went from being an asshole waste of life who smoked a lot of weed, to a good kid, who was happier than Ive ever been. After all that I resorted back to my prior self. Especially as of late, I've been smoking weed a lot like I used to. Anyway, Catie and I are no longer going out. Sure, I could easily start pointing fingers. Since the blame is mine it always lingers. Yea, that's two major things in my life I've fucked up. I was an ass to her, and probably caused her more pain than happiness. Besides all that though, she hurt me today. I mean hurt in an offended way, and bad. I mean, I was upset when we first broke up, but that was different. When we broke up todat, she revealed to me that she never actually loved me. Keep in mind that I have minimal conscience, and it is truly hard to really get to me. She succeeded. I was taken back and left speechless and appauled. I don't know why, but that really really hurt me. All along I thought there was someone who finally cared about me, and not only that but was infatuated with me. I trusted her(to an extent). I was so comfortable with her. I was so sure she loved me. I was so sure. I never ever doubted it, and I can be a pretty doubtful person.
As of right now, I'm only mildly upset, but this emotion has manifested a rather unsettling feeling in my gut. I know it's going to be hard. The fact that it was mostly my fault will make it no easier. I, however, refuse to go crawling back. We are through. I will not look back. Don't Dwell. Just like the 311 song. That leads me to my next topic; What do I do know? Well, actually I don't think I'd like to be single longer than neccessary. I want a girlfriend. This time though, I want one that has similar interests. I think one of the main reasons Catie and I fought so much was because we are so different. I've been talking to this girl Bonnie that I met in Florida recently(on friendly terms), but she expressed that she thought I was goodlooking in Florida. She likes the Misfits too! I wanna hang out with her, and see how that goes. In case you're wondering how sick I am for just getting out of a year long relationship, and already thinking about my next girlfriend. Well, it's simply because if I stop too long and think about Catie, it's just going to upset me. Fuck that. I've got enough problems in my life(ie failing out of school, having no ambition, no job etc). I don't need to deal with crying and shit. Plus, men don't cry. I cried the first time Catie broke up with me. Not this time. I won't cry(above all things boy be a man). I don't really know what else to say. I'm back to exactly what I was before I met her, except I have longer hair and the ability to grow facial hair now. I was so upset about what she said, I don't want to think about it. I don't want to think about her. I don't want to hear her name at all for a while. Mr. Early told me it might be for the better anyway. Shit, Cameron's coming over later, and he'll want to know all of what happened. Wanna know how much of an asshole I am? All throughout Catie and I's relationship Cameron and I would joke about her dumping me. I always said I would use some Mallrats quotes. Well, I actually did. lol Wow, Im so lonely. Whatever, I apologize for the poor entry. I'm not 100% at the moment. Goodbye.
As of right now, I'm only mildly upset, but this emotion has manifested a rather unsettling feeling in my gut. I know it's going to be hard. The fact that it was mostly my fault will make it no easier. I, however, refuse to go crawling back. We are through. I will not look back. Don't Dwell. Just like the 311 song. That leads me to my next topic; What do I do know? Well, actually I don't think I'd like to be single longer than neccessary. I want a girlfriend. This time though, I want one that has similar interests. I think one of the main reasons Catie and I fought so much was because we are so different. I've been talking to this girl Bonnie that I met in Florida recently(on friendly terms), but she expressed that she thought I was goodlooking in Florida. She likes the Misfits too! I wanna hang out with her, and see how that goes. In case you're wondering how sick I am for just getting out of a year long relationship, and already thinking about my next girlfriend. Well, it's simply because if I stop too long and think about Catie, it's just going to upset me. Fuck that. I've got enough problems in my life(ie failing out of school, having no ambition, no job etc). I don't need to deal with crying and shit. Plus, men don't cry. I cried the first time Catie broke up with me. Not this time. I won't cry(above all things boy be a man). I don't really know what else to say. I'm back to exactly what I was before I met her, except I have longer hair and the ability to grow facial hair now. I was so upset about what she said, I don't want to think about it. I don't want to think about her. I don't want to hear her name at all for a while. Mr. Early told me it might be for the better anyway. Shit, Cameron's coming over later, and he'll want to know all of what happened. Wanna know how much of an asshole I am? All throughout Catie and I's relationship Cameron and I would joke about her dumping me. I always said I would use some Mallrats quotes. Well, I actually did. lol Wow, Im so lonely. Whatever, I apologize for the poor entry. I'm not 100% at the moment. Goodbye.