Drive-thru window.
[Lost] in a pre-determined sky,
With the [firm resolution] of a determined [soul]..
You know times are changing when [things feel different].. though it can [all come back] with a keenness of sense.
When thoughts you had before aren't [true] to you like they were before.
This [seems] so familiar. Everything coming to an end, and [you find yourself] not caring as much as you have in the past. [Even though].. you won't be doing it much longer. There is life to live. [Day-to-day problems dont seem that significant when you look at the whole picture]. You can shrug off the petty things.. save your worry for something worth it. Don't upset as easily.. it's a [waste].
There is a [kindness]... real [kindness].. and there is a [heartlessness] in people.
Senses [bring you back], and [you remember] the times... [all the times]. Seems like it [wasn't all that long ago] that your acuteness for [some people] was sharper than it has [ended up to be]. Friendships and feelings ebb.. [and not all tides go back to their full high].
How does it [feel] to not exist?
Thoughtful, [yet] careless.
I realize I have been playing the [same game].
A serene understanding...
A duration [is but just that], though broken down throughout the day makes [anything last forever]..
A million [different] reasons, for [this] and [this alone], and [none of them matter].
To stare into a desolation. Nothing is before you because it is [all behind].
Such a glorious fall and [blind to the casualties that come with the situation].
And in a flash of insight, cutting with cold clarity, through the fog of my fatigue, I realized what I hadn't been able to articulate earlier, [even to myself].
I was [distantly aware] that this sounded like a rationalization.
An [exasperated sigh] and now months later. A sickening feeling inside you when you [sense] something wrong, or [feel] you know this is not the way for these things to be. That sickness spreads when you realize you [wouldn't want to know] where to go from [there]..
Halting to a cold reality. Okay. Fine. I won't act the immature and [try] to ignore the feelings that hurt the most. It seems almost pathetic the rate of deteriorating that I detect going on. I'll wait. Still, I can't help reflecting. Which [at times] doesn't have the most desirable side effects.
Another amputation from the medium that connects. An immunity to all things that would be considered horrid. Though drenched in salt, the wound ceases to sting. Memories become hazy as another variable in my life becomes clearer. Forget that of which hurt so much. That was bullshit. By [my own] fault, at least.
I feel a duty to keep this up-to-date. It seems wrong, unfair, almost... how I can simply forget all of which plagued me. A new variable. Another click of my combination. And as always, feeling permanent. Desires renewed, hopes once again high. Thinking of the future is nothing less than pleasant. So what of the past? A hole... in the (great) scheme of things? Entertainment until now. A period of dark, and into my new light. [I'll admit] I was obsessive, [wrong]. The past, is the past. What else could it of been?
[Be satisfied with the fact nothing matters.]
With the [firm resolution] of a determined [soul]..
You know times are changing when [things feel different].. though it can [all come back] with a keenness of sense.
When thoughts you had before aren't [true] to you like they were before.
This [seems] so familiar. Everything coming to an end, and [you find yourself] not caring as much as you have in the past. [Even though].. you won't be doing it much longer. There is life to live. [Day-to-day problems dont seem that significant when you look at the whole picture]. You can shrug off the petty things.. save your worry for something worth it. Don't upset as easily.. it's a [waste].
There is a [kindness]... real [kindness].. and there is a [heartlessness] in people.
Senses [bring you back], and [you remember] the times... [all the times]. Seems like it [wasn't all that long ago] that your acuteness for [some people] was sharper than it has [ended up to be]. Friendships and feelings ebb.. [and not all tides go back to their full high].
How does it [feel] to not exist?
Thoughtful, [yet] careless.
I realize I have been playing the [same game].
A serene understanding...
A duration [is but just that], though broken down throughout the day makes [anything last forever]..
A million [different] reasons, for [this] and [this alone], and [none of them matter].
To stare into a desolation. Nothing is before you because it is [all behind].
Such a glorious fall and [blind to the casualties that come with the situation].
And in a flash of insight, cutting with cold clarity, through the fog of my fatigue, I realized what I hadn't been able to articulate earlier, [even to myself].
I was [distantly aware] that this sounded like a rationalization.
An [exasperated sigh] and now months later. A sickening feeling inside you when you [sense] something wrong, or [feel] you know this is not the way for these things to be. That sickness spreads when you realize you [wouldn't want to know] where to go from [there]..
Halting to a cold reality. Okay. Fine. I won't act the immature and [try] to ignore the feelings that hurt the most. It seems almost pathetic the rate of deteriorating that I detect going on. I'll wait. Still, I can't help reflecting. Which [at times] doesn't have the most desirable side effects.
Another amputation from the medium that connects. An immunity to all things that would be considered horrid. Though drenched in salt, the wound ceases to sting. Memories become hazy as another variable in my life becomes clearer. Forget that of which hurt so much. That was bullshit. By [my own] fault, at least.
I feel a duty to keep this up-to-date. It seems wrong, unfair, almost... how I can simply forget all of which plagued me. A new variable. Another click of my combination. And as always, feeling permanent. Desires renewed, hopes once again high. Thinking of the future is nothing less than pleasant. So what of the past? A hole... in the (great) scheme of things? Entertainment until now. A period of dark, and into my new light. [I'll admit] I was obsessive, [wrong]. The past, is the past. What else could it of been?
[Be satisfied with the fact nothing matters.]