(no subject)
ive just realised. i actually dream about 99% of the time, i dont really pay attention to whats goin on around me. maybe thats why time goes so fast for me, because i spend most of my time, just thinking really. i also dont really share most of my feelings. you can never know whether im genuinely happy or whether im pretending. im not saying im depressed or anything btw, just to clear that up. sometimes i just wish i was different. nothing in particular. just different. saw my dad today, all because his wife, michelle, text me and asked me to come over(not dad) dont think he cares, he never arranges for me and my sisters to go down and visit unless hes made to by my gran or michelle(you would think my dad would want to see me more than my stepmum would!) dont know why i thought id be any different from my sisters and hed show more interest, just thought if i was nice enough, didnt bring up how nasty he was to my sister and mum and not argue, then maybe hed care. so much for that. and now i feel guilty for pretending he was great and not sticking up for them,but i still wouldnt say anything. id never tell him what i really think about this whole thing(such a coward), i dont even know him. i wonder if he'll stop paying for his 2 new kids when they turn 18, most likely not.he probably thinks they should have been his only children.why cant he love me and my sisters like he loves them? and now i feel guilty for resenting them in a way(if thats even the right word). wotever. sorry bout this entry guys. just felt like venting. :-D xx