wow... free at last

Nov 19, 2004 02:16

big weight lifted from my shoulders tonight... big

i think what has helped me thru everything is the idea that i chose this situation for myself before i was born. could be a cop out... dont wanna have something else to blame, wanna feel in control, but i feel as though i have huge lessons to learn here, i wanted to, and i'm learning them. so phewy to self-pity...

my baby amazes me, this old old soul looking out thru a young woman's eyes... intimidating, intriguing and intense. there it is

i feel so free now, to write as i please, god willing, i hit the friends only button, but the drama nerds will never find my journal here anyways. my journal pages look so peaceful. the trick will be to recover the other journals from my old name and not read all the bullshit. i can do it... i'm a scorp.

"i envy you and your ingorance, i hear that it's bliss" is it possible that two souls could come down here just to antagonize each other their whole lives? we help each other grow though. interesting times.

freshmen and threesomes and juniors other classmen with their undies on so tight they'll never get hard. funny shit. crazy ass people!!!!!!!!!!!! only a matter of weeks, then freedom.
i was remembering stacy and i before we were friends with "the family" and i remember telling her i would put a car in my name for her and let her drive it. i knew she was a good soul... things got jumbled in between, but chicken cunt can suck it. we stuck by each other... in touch or not... it's about getting backs. i get it now... chicken cunts... barely average... hahahaha... i joked about being slightly above average, but i have the cal state to apply to, i have good karma, i'm a good person, and damnit, people like me... edward smiley.... nice... old SNL

wow... need to sleep, thoughts/fears barreling through my mind. my hands smell really good... wish i could remember what i put on them... oh well... what do i remember? i remember the color of corn just before the harvest, when its really high late august and the edges are browning and the catepillars in the roads and the cheap schwag that grows in the ditches next to the field. "but it'll get you buzzed if you dry out a bushel and burn it on a bon fire" damned straight... but i digress, the corn.. it's burnt edges... i told destiny there was even rust in the rain, i think, and the corn rusted... iron... everything heavy in iron... strong and brutish metal, but the color the the corn husks, especially as the sun faded into the flat horizon, the color reminded me tonight, or her eyes reminded me tonight of that color... that rusted corn, gloaming color. the gloaming is that pre-dusk time, when you sit on your porch and get ready to watch the hot air balloons from michigan flying over.. but the color... golden strength... it's in her eyes.
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