meh still kicking =]
ugh
well, it sucks that april and i are no longer friends.
and since she (cutely) deleted me from her friends on here i can say this.
i tried really hard to keep it, but it was very obvious she didn't want it.
i'm going to miss her a bunch, but as a favor to myself, i can't let her know how much i still want to be her best friend
i can't do this whole answer to april, drop everything for april, i wonder if april would approve of this
nonsense
i can't do it for anyone
i do it too often
a lot of the things that happened to me happened because i'm way too nice and i can't stand up for myself or say no.
from now on, i have to be as much about myself as possible without purposely pushing people out. so i can't give in to people doing things like this to me.
friendships shouldn't be forced, they should come naturally, that's why they're your friends.
friends are supposed to ignore your flaws and shit. she's only mad because of things having to do with my personality, not anything i actually did. i knopw april isn't this stubborn or petty . there has to be something else she isn't telling me. idk whatever.
anyway. some good did come out of this. i realized that i actually have reached the level i want to be at. as much as i'd like to think i need april to be happy, i don't. i feel fine.
i'll be fine. i mean i'll have a lot less to do and have less fun, but i'll also be a lot less stressed out. also, i'm going to have a lot more time to myself, which, honestly after being alone all weekend, i realized i REALLY missed.
AND austin makes me so happy i swear.
"mindy i've known you most of your life, and you've always been there for yourself and everyone at the same time. you're the strongest person i have ever met. i've never seen you lean on anyone for anything. why april? you don't need to depend on someone to be close to them. don't let anyone control you, because if you do, then you won't be mindy, because the mindy i know has never needed anyone to make her happy. she saw the good in everything and didn't give a fuck about the bad. what happened to that? i know its still in you. if you want to be happy again, stop caring so goddamn much. i don't even know when you started caring about the approval of anyone anyway. not even me. but you never needed to care about that. i approve of every aspect of your personality."
plus i do have other friends. and now i can spend more time with them. ever since april moved here, annalyse and i have had like zero time to see each other. we've only been talking on the phone and i really miss that girl.
and yay for a new on campus buddy! that's you, allie. haha.
holy fuck its late.
well, it sucks that april and i are no longer friends.
and since she (cutely) deleted me from her friends on here i can say this.
i tried really hard to keep it, but it was very obvious she didn't want it.
i'm going to miss her a bunch, but as a favor to myself, i can't let her know how much i still want to be her best friend
i can't do this whole answer to april, drop everything for april, i wonder if april would approve of this
nonsense
i can't do it for anyone
i do it too often
a lot of the things that happened to me happened because i'm way too nice and i can't stand up for myself or say no.
from now on, i have to be as much about myself as possible without purposely pushing people out. so i can't give in to people doing things like this to me.
friendships shouldn't be forced, they should come naturally, that's why they're your friends.
friends are supposed to ignore your flaws and shit. she's only mad because of things having to do with my personality, not anything i actually did. i knopw april isn't this stubborn or petty . there has to be something else she isn't telling me. idk whatever.
anyway. some good did come out of this. i realized that i actually have reached the level i want to be at. as much as i'd like to think i need april to be happy, i don't. i feel fine.
i'll be fine. i mean i'll have a lot less to do and have less fun, but i'll also be a lot less stressed out. also, i'm going to have a lot more time to myself, which, honestly after being alone all weekend, i realized i REALLY missed.
AND austin makes me so happy i swear.
"mindy i've known you most of your life, and you've always been there for yourself and everyone at the same time. you're the strongest person i have ever met. i've never seen you lean on anyone for anything. why april? you don't need to depend on someone to be close to them. don't let anyone control you, because if you do, then you won't be mindy, because the mindy i know has never needed anyone to make her happy. she saw the good in everything and didn't give a fuck about the bad. what happened to that? i know its still in you. if you want to be happy again, stop caring so goddamn much. i don't even know when you started caring about the approval of anyone anyway. not even me. but you never needed to care about that. i approve of every aspect of your personality."
plus i do have other friends. and now i can spend more time with them. ever since april moved here, annalyse and i have had like zero time to see each other. we've only been talking on the phone and i really miss that girl.
and yay for a new on campus buddy! that's you, allie. haha.
holy fuck its late.