(no subject)
i found "the book" and read most of it.
the book is a notebook i completely filled while i was in lacombe
i wrote down how i felt about everyone in my life
how i felt about how i got there
about everyone i lost last year
about every awful thing that happened to me
and how amazing life used to be.
now that everything is back to normal i keep thinking about all the shit that happened over the past two years.
i went through so much shit and did things i never would have done.
its weird.
like that person wasn't even me.
and now that i'm content where i am and some disaster isn't happening everyday, i have time to look back and think about all that shit.
half of what is in that book i don't even remember because i was drunk and alone everyday over there.
all but maybe two of the people i wrote about in there are either dead, in jail, in rehab, or won't talk to me for whatever reason.
its only just beginning to fully hit me.
i let austin read some of it
i wanted him to know everything
all the horrible things i did after i left
except for a few i'm pretending never happened.
he gave me this look like he was just about to break up with me right there and walked away
he came to my dorm later and told me he loved me and spent the night with me.
i was so relieved. i didn't want him to know the truth really but i don't want to keep anything from him.
askjdfb;sdjf
anyway
i'm glad all of that is over with now but i doubt i'm going to get over it well, probably ever.
the book is a notebook i completely filled while i was in lacombe
i wrote down how i felt about everyone in my life
how i felt about how i got there
about everyone i lost last year
about every awful thing that happened to me
and how amazing life used to be.
now that everything is back to normal i keep thinking about all the shit that happened over the past two years.
i went through so much shit and did things i never would have done.
its weird.
like that person wasn't even me.
and now that i'm content where i am and some disaster isn't happening everyday, i have time to look back and think about all that shit.
half of what is in that book i don't even remember because i was drunk and alone everyday over there.
all but maybe two of the people i wrote about in there are either dead, in jail, in rehab, or won't talk to me for whatever reason.
its only just beginning to fully hit me.
i let austin read some of it
i wanted him to know everything
all the horrible things i did after i left
except for a few i'm pretending never happened.
he gave me this look like he was just about to break up with me right there and walked away
he came to my dorm later and told me he loved me and spent the night with me.
i was so relieved. i didn't want him to know the truth really but i don't want to keep anything from him.
askjdfb;sdjf
anyway
i'm glad all of that is over with now but i doubt i'm going to get over it well, probably ever.