I do this to myself...

[mindysaboob]

  Mindy's love life hasn't been working out too well. Then again, I think she said after last time she just didn't quite feel the same about it. Which is kinda harsh since none of that was my fault but it's not that I don't understand where she is coming from. Yeah, vague, I know. Deal with it. - Sept 17th post

To this day it isn't working out. Not

Comments

because your heart broke

[mindysaboob]

Plenty of guys after me means nothing. You have plenty of girls that like you, and that you like. And what does that mean? Nothing. Yea, they like, or love me, grats for them. They're in the same position with me, as I am with you. You want me to tell you about them? Seath likes me, cares about me alot... he's accepting my feelings are else where, and hes ok with friendship. Adam, has always loved me, yea great way of showing it by continusly being an ass to me, but he does care, as much as he can act like he doesn't. He to knows I'd never accept him as more then a friend, because of the time he came into my life. I like guys, and tell you I like them to cover up what ever feelings I have for you. I did like Heph, and when things didn't work out, I fell back on you, like I have long before James and I were over.

I can answer the question I asked you last night for you. How do you want things to be, you want to be with May, and you want to keep having that crush on Sam, because you always have. And me, as much as you say you care, and say you're needy of me, and are lonely when I'm not on to talk to, I will always not be good enough. I'll always be that friend you fooled around with when you needed it. Nothing more, nothing less.

But I'm your friend. I'm suppose to sit here and be happy for you, and let you blindlessly walk around being in love with a girl that can't be trusted and could never return that same love to you. You're that one friend she loves dearly, but could never let be more, because thats what you are, a friend. Just like I am.

One day you will settle though, not with me and not with her. A day will come when you find someone you can be happy with, and live with, even if your heart still belongs to May.

And Shabet wants to talk about our relationship being unhealthy, but it's perfectly ok for you to continue to love a girl that has cheated, and lied, and broken your heart numerous times, and its ok for you still want her.

Re: because your heart broke

[mindysaboob]

I didn't mean it like that... you weren't convent for me, like I was for you. Before James and I were finally over, I examined what you really ment to me, I just hide how I felt, because you love May. Yea, seemed like I got over us pretty quickly the first time, having you as a friend was better then losing you completely.

"One thing you'll never be, is always the same" You're right, I won't. Because I'm to busy trying to forget about these feelings I have for you, just like yours for May, they won't change.

Seath is to me, what I am to you, in a sense.

I just want to be loved. Someone that treats me like you do, but actually return those feelings. You will settle one day, as will I, because you'll finally tire of chasing that one thing you'll never have.

But none of this will matter tomorrow, or later today, because I'll lock myself back up, and continue pretending things are ok. And you'll be fine with that, because you want things to be that way.