*~*I hope it rains*~*
What a day. Didn't do anything. Sat here at the house. Had a really boring day but it was an okay day until just a few minutes ago. I was talking to my mom on here. i was just playing around and said a few things and she thought I was being serious. I wasn't though. Now she is mad at me. You never can tell what someone really means by what they say over a computer. Now, Im sitting here crying my eyes out. I hope it rains all day tomorrow, that way I can stay hidden in my room all day. Maybe thats what I'll do anyway. I hate it when everyone is arguing and fighting and its my fault. She just took what I said the wrong way, if it were in person, she'd be laughing about it. I feel like I'm not wanted here at all. I feel like Im causing nothing but problems for everyone. Maybe I should quit talking and quit doing anything. Be the way I used to be. I don't know what to do. i mean, i dont think I do anything to give them reasons to be mad at me. I have been trying so damn hard to do right and change so much about myself. Now, I just want to give up. I was doing so good, but i slowly see myself falling deeper and deeper by the minute into that hole I had just recently spent months digging myself out of. Does no one see that?? Or do they just truly not give a shit when it comes right down to it? Sometimes i wonder about that. Thats part of the reason I did run away. i felt like i didnt belong and wasnt wanted here. everytime I broke down and cried trying to reach out for help, they ignored me. Said stop crying, those are fake tears, just to get attention. i dont want attention, all I wanted was a hug, someone to say everything will be okay. I wanted someone to stop and acre about me for a minute. Spend some time with me for once. I did and do need attention, but when I cry....Im not reaching out for attention. when I cry, thats when it gets bad. Thats when everyone should know Im falling apart. But they apparently dont know. Or dont care one. But they think its all for attention. If I wanted attention Id get it some other way. I dont cry unless somehting is bad wrong. Like now, Im scared to death because of the thoughts and feeling that I feel when Im like this. Just sad and depressed and pissed off at the world. i just want to crawl away into a corner and hide. But then theres a part of me that wants to try and make it through these next two years and live through it. Make something of myself juist to prove them wrong and piss them off. Then I wonder, can I make it two more years? Is everyones life like this? Or is it just me? I dont know. i wish that I did. I wish that I could have one of those families that are so happy. then again maybe one day I will. If I live through being a teenager, I will. God help me. Someone help me.