I'm writing it on a little piece of paper...
God Trent Reznor, do I ever love you. You make my heart beat hard against my chest, you make me grind my hips against the air, and you make me want your music to be tangible. "I want to fuck you like an animal," ah only too true. Your music is more than sex to me, its something I haven't yet been able to come to terms with so when I hear "Something I can Never Have" I cry, or when you play "Hurt" I weep. "I cannot go through this again," just sends shivers down my spine.
Your music, despite my ignorance to it recently has been the centerpiece of many of my happiest and saddest moments. Nine Inch Nails, is more than angsty teenage music to me, its more than powerchords and churning computers, its something real, something that makes me more whole. I know, stupid right. But God, I just feel so relieved, so empty of pain and anger, so complete after I hear his music or go to his concerts. I feel like I've put through an emotional wringer: bitterness, emptiness, intense anger, extreme arousal, and sadness like I have never felt before. Listening to NIN always reminds me, it keeps picking and picking at the fragile memories I keep locked away. I know it doesn't make much sense to many people, but music defines my life, and this is my absolue favorite band that just happens to know all of my moods.
I can't get past certain few events in my life. I am constantly dragged kicking and screaming back to those days. I'm just really bitter, I know its true. I'm really angry that I, a control freak, let things slip so quickly through my hands. I yielded power to others. It makes me think that I've peaked and lost what I had. I am quickly going downhill in my life. WHY?
Ugh once again let down by my own impetuousness. I am depressed. Why? Because my life holds no intrigue, every day is exactly the same as Reznor would say. I meet people, I leave people. The trend of my fucking life. No one ever wants to hang out with me, no one ever wants to chill. Its random. Life is random right now. I feel like I'm in fucking limbo or something. Trapped between having everything and knowing exactly what's going to happen tomorrow and not knowing anything at all. "I can still feel you, even so far away." God I wonder about myself sometimes. Why do I do the things I do. Am I certain of the results, am I certain of what I am doing? No never, goddamn.
Everytime I meet someone remotely like me I get my hopes all up that somehow I might have a new friend that will understand me, that will share common interests. Yes I love my friends, and yes I love Matt, but when I find that one person who knows everything I know and loves everything I love I just want to jump for joy. But it is never to be.
So this entry is scattered, like my mind seems to be floating in and out of concerts and memories and terrible pains I thought I forgot. Maybe I will reconvene with my thoughts and give you a more sound outlook on my life tomorrow. Sound is the word. "Breathe, echoing the sound..."
Your music, despite my ignorance to it recently has been the centerpiece of many of my happiest and saddest moments. Nine Inch Nails, is more than angsty teenage music to me, its more than powerchords and churning computers, its something real, something that makes me more whole. I know, stupid right. But God, I just feel so relieved, so empty of pain and anger, so complete after I hear his music or go to his concerts. I feel like I've put through an emotional wringer: bitterness, emptiness, intense anger, extreme arousal, and sadness like I have never felt before. Listening to NIN always reminds me, it keeps picking and picking at the fragile memories I keep locked away. I know it doesn't make much sense to many people, but music defines my life, and this is my absolue favorite band that just happens to know all of my moods.
I can't get past certain few events in my life. I am constantly dragged kicking and screaming back to those days. I'm just really bitter, I know its true. I'm really angry that I, a control freak, let things slip so quickly through my hands. I yielded power to others. It makes me think that I've peaked and lost what I had. I am quickly going downhill in my life. WHY?
Ugh once again let down by my own impetuousness. I am depressed. Why? Because my life holds no intrigue, every day is exactly the same as Reznor would say. I meet people, I leave people. The trend of my fucking life. No one ever wants to hang out with me, no one ever wants to chill. Its random. Life is random right now. I feel like I'm in fucking limbo or something. Trapped between having everything and knowing exactly what's going to happen tomorrow and not knowing anything at all. "I can still feel you, even so far away." God I wonder about myself sometimes. Why do I do the things I do. Am I certain of the results, am I certain of what I am doing? No never, goddamn.
Everytime I meet someone remotely like me I get my hopes all up that somehow I might have a new friend that will understand me, that will share common interests. Yes I love my friends, and yes I love Matt, but when I find that one person who knows everything I know and loves everything I love I just want to jump for joy. But it is never to be.
So this entry is scattered, like my mind seems to be floating in and out of concerts and memories and terrible pains I thought I forgot. Maybe I will reconvene with my thoughts and give you a more sound outlook on my life tomorrow. Sound is the word. "Breathe, echoing the sound..."