(no subject)
In the land of the unfunctional since my appointment. Physical unmanageable pain. Emotionally a mess, too.
I had so many staples and some had obviously healed more than others. Some of the staples deeper than others, some twisted. The staples in one of the incisions on my foot came out with the ease, the other not so much. My hip.... just tender. They say the donor site is always more raw and sensitive. I wouldn't think it so. That has definitely been true with me though.
Dr. Pinzur is pleased with the healing. Another appointment in 3 weeks and I'm hoping to be out of cast for good and into a walking cast for an insane amount of time.
The new cast has been painful. Tight. I think they have my foot in a more neutral position which is of course good, ... but it just hurts so much because I'm not used to it. My CRPS did flare up and my trip to the pain clinic is ... a whole other story . It physically feels like it did when I had the compartment syndrome which has been amazingly hard to ignore. I know it's a combination of the newness of the cast and the CRPS, but hard hard hard. And when they recasted over the incisions on my foot .... just everything hurts. I could barely move when I left the office and that night, until today it's been insane. Lori AMAZING. Me, not so much.
Flashback hell. The saw was....oh I can't even describe. Lori intuitively knew what to do to calm me as much as I could be calmed. She held my hand tight and I looked deep into baby Harry's darling little eyes. I tried not to hear it. I REALLY tried not to hear it. I tried. The sound is just so deep within me. I've been in flashback hell ever since. In and out of reality. for the past 3 days. Only a couple of times I've been truly stuck, mostly at night when I'm trying to sleep.
Of course when I'm finally starting to reconnect I get a letter from my lawyer. It had the testimony of a couple of the witnesses in my accident. I shouldn't of read it. I know I shouldn't have. Not yet. Reading that I should have been dead in writing. Reading that I should have had all of my legs gone... It just was beyond overwhelming and I'm am praying to Val of course that tonight isn't a repeat of how the past couple of days have been. Lori again amazing as the tears flowed. I'm amazed at how someone without PTSD could do as much as she did. She just intuitively knows what to do and it floors me. I lost it for a while...and so did her kids. I just wish that when Lori or I needed a break from .... from....from.... life that it didn't impact her kids so much.
Appointment with Denny for tomorrow since Dr. Pinzur wants me more weight baring even though I'm still in the hardcast. I am hurting so badly still and I don't want to mess up all that's been done by putting more weight on my foot the wrong way. I'm hoping Denny will have some suggestions.
I'm done. More to say, ... perhaps but without words. Just done.
I had so many staples and some had obviously healed more than others. Some of the staples deeper than others, some twisted. The staples in one of the incisions on my foot came out with the ease, the other not so much. My hip.... just tender. They say the donor site is always more raw and sensitive. I wouldn't think it so. That has definitely been true with me though.
Dr. Pinzur is pleased with the healing. Another appointment in 3 weeks and I'm hoping to be out of cast for good and into a walking cast for an insane amount of time.
The new cast has been painful. Tight. I think they have my foot in a more neutral position which is of course good, ... but it just hurts so much because I'm not used to it. My CRPS did flare up and my trip to the pain clinic is ... a whole other story . It physically feels like it did when I had the compartment syndrome which has been amazingly hard to ignore. I know it's a combination of the newness of the cast and the CRPS, but hard hard hard. And when they recasted over the incisions on my foot .... just everything hurts. I could barely move when I left the office and that night, until today it's been insane. Lori AMAZING. Me, not so much.
Flashback hell. The saw was....oh I can't even describe. Lori intuitively knew what to do to calm me as much as I could be calmed. She held my hand tight and I looked deep into baby Harry's darling little eyes. I tried not to hear it. I REALLY tried not to hear it. I tried. The sound is just so deep within me. I've been in flashback hell ever since. In and out of reality. for the past 3 days. Only a couple of times I've been truly stuck, mostly at night when I'm trying to sleep.
Of course when I'm finally starting to reconnect I get a letter from my lawyer. It had the testimony of a couple of the witnesses in my accident. I shouldn't of read it. I know I shouldn't have. Not yet. Reading that I should have been dead in writing. Reading that I should have had all of my legs gone... It just was beyond overwhelming and I'm am praying to Val of course that tonight isn't a repeat of how the past couple of days have been. Lori again amazing as the tears flowed. I'm amazed at how someone without PTSD could do as much as she did. She just intuitively knows what to do and it floors me. I lost it for a while...and so did her kids. I just wish that when Lori or I needed a break from .... from....from.... life that it didn't impact her kids so much.
Appointment with Denny for tomorrow since Dr. Pinzur wants me more weight baring even though I'm still in the hardcast. I am hurting so badly still and I don't want to mess up all that's been done by putting more weight on my foot the wrong way. I'm hoping Denny will have some suggestions.
I'm done. More to say, ... perhaps but without words. Just done.