*yawn*
So I felt this sudden urge to cry today. Don't know why. My eyes just teared up and I had this pain in my stomach that felt like knots.
Once again I'm feeling stressed out. I woke up with a fever blister this morning indicating I have dug myself into a hole.I'm really tired of how hard life is starting to become. I never really get time for myself. Money is always tight. I'm always either working, or at school. Only once in a while do I get to have some time for me. I just don't really feel like going on. I don't want to kill myself. That's retarted. I'm just tired of all the pressure. I'm tired of being in pain most of the time. I'm tired of feeling like I'm going no where. I feel like I have friends, but hardly any of them come and see me. Most of the time I feel used. Maybe that's part my fault too. Cause I let it happen. yay for doormats! So what do I do? I sit at home, stare at the TV and eat. Don't really do anything but sit there. I have this odd feeling I'm going to die alone in the recliner like my grandmother and no one is going to know or care except my mother and father because they would call and I won't answer...
It's hard to believe that someone you've grown up with has a drug problem and you can't do shit about it. I worry about her so much. I don't know if she's quit or not, so I don't know if she's ok. She says she has, but how am I supposed to trust her word?
I guess I just have to keep telling myself that once I'm done with college, everything will be alright. I don't really know that for sure so I'm just gonna have to have faith. Something kind of hard for me to find. I'm ready for it to be over...
GAH!!!! Where's my needle!?!?!
Once again I'm feeling stressed out. I woke up with a fever blister this morning indicating I have dug myself into a hole.I'm really tired of how hard life is starting to become. I never really get time for myself. Money is always tight. I'm always either working, or at school. Only once in a while do I get to have some time for me. I just don't really feel like going on. I don't want to kill myself. That's retarted. I'm just tired of all the pressure. I'm tired of being in pain most of the time. I'm tired of feeling like I'm going no where. I feel like I have friends, but hardly any of them come and see me. Most of the time I feel used. Maybe that's part my fault too. Cause I let it happen. yay for doormats! So what do I do? I sit at home, stare at the TV and eat. Don't really do anything but sit there. I have this odd feeling I'm going to die alone in the recliner like my grandmother and no one is going to know or care except my mother and father because they would call and I won't answer...
It's hard to believe that someone you've grown up with has a drug problem and you can't do shit about it. I worry about her so much. I don't know if she's quit or not, so I don't know if she's ok. She says she has, but how am I supposed to trust her word?
I guess I just have to keep telling myself that once I'm done with college, everything will be alright. I don't really know that for sure so I'm just gonna have to have faith. Something kind of hard for me to find. I'm ready for it to be over...
GAH!!!! Where's my needle!?!?!