Memory Meme
Almost forgot this. Gacked from oko_chan:
If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, even if we don't speak often, please post a comment with a memory of you and me. It can be anything you want -- good or bad. When you're finished,post this little paragraph on your blog and be surprised (or mortified) about what people remember about ( Read more... )
If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, even if we don't speak often, please post a comment with a memory of you and me. It can be anything you want -- good or bad. When you're finished,post this little paragraph on your blog and be surprised (or mortified) about what people remember about ( Read more... )
Ben Stein: They were such a nice lot at first. I was so happy to have them on my show. They were very humble then, especially Marc, who had lost on my show before. Now? Good god. I try to avoid their dressing room area, for fear of what I might find, considering all of the sex and wild partying. Plus, every time Paul sees me, he calls me "Pip", from the character I voiced on Animaniacs. Marc, meanwhile, just has to quote me from Ferris Bueller. They know that pisses me off, the assholes, but they don't care. They think they run the lot. The damned Geek Mafia. I've heard rumors about what happens if you speak out against them. (He shrugs.) I worked for fuckin' Nixon. I'm not scared of a bunch of Geeks.
Voiceover: Tragically, just a few days after he taped that bit, Ben Stein was found dead, dressed as a Roman centurion, outside a gay bar. Police are still investigating.
Voiceover: Other people who offended cast members disappeared or died mysteriously as well. After the first season of Beat the Geeks, the producers decided to replace van Straaten as the host. One by one, every new host that they hired mysteriously vanished before he even got on the air. All records of who each host was were even completely erased or destroyed around the same time, as if the host never existed at all. Taping of the second season was repeatedly delayed by this, as the producers kept refusing to rehire van Straaten. Finally, the producers themselves were replaced, van Straaten was rehired, and the show went on to more success.
van Straaten: You know, it's funny how those pictures of the producers molesting farm animals along with the network execs involved in scheduling Beat the Geeks just happened to turn up around that time.
Voiceover: The Geek Mafia, as they began to be known, became more and more powerful. Eventually, they controlled all aspects of the show, as well as the studio they shot at. They even had some leverage over The Network as a whole.
Jimmy Kimmel: So, the Geeks contacted us, saying they wanted us to send over the Juggies, our trampoline, and large quantities of whipped cream, chocolate syrup, cherries, and nuts. OK, so I can understand why they wanted all of that...
Adam Carolla, interrupting: Heck, yeah! It's a lot of fun, making Juggy Sundaes.
Kimmel, shushing Carolla: But there was no way we were sending them our ladies. Then, they showed up late one night. (He shudders) It was horrible. I can't even begin to describe what they did. In the end, they got what they wanted.
Carolla: I still have nightmares about cheap polyester choir robes and being beaten like a redheaded stepchild with those medals.
Jon Stewart: I thought we were safe, since we're all the way across the country. Besides, they're Geeks, right? A lot of our staff are geeks, so when we heard the stories coming out of LA, we just dismissed them. Then, they wanted on the show. We said, sure, since they're popular. (snorts) Boy, that was a mistake.
(Footage is shown of the Geeks on The Daily Show, groping the female correspondants and giving the male ones wedgies and noogies)
Stewart: They knew just how to torment us, probably because they also got the same treatment back in school. It was horrible... so, so horrible... (Stewart breaks down in tears. After a few moments, he collects himself.) The worst part was that they stole my stash. That was primo stuff, dude.
Zax: Hey, we didn't use any of it. We just appropriated it for a better purpose.
Heuck: Yes, like bribing Jolley to keep his mouth shut about...
(Zax covers up Heuck's mouth quickly.)
Zax: Oh, by the way, we do get to see this before it airs, right?
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(A selection of Beat the Geeks merchandising is shown displayed on a table, including t-shirts, jackets, mugs, mouse pads, key chains, caps, replica robes and medals, replica Converse sneakers, books, videos, dolls, posters, swimsuit calendars, and women's lingerie.)
van Straaten: The money's been pretty good from all of the merchandising. Some folks were hesitant about all of it, especially when extra-special, private, exclusive home video footage came out. (Boxes of homemade porn featuring Tiffany and the Geeks, not necessarily together, are shown.) However, once the bucks started rolling in from them, everyone was pretty happy.
Voiceover: But it didn't end there. Soon, Beat The Geeks had taken over the entire network...
Trey Parker, co-creator of South Park: At first we were like 'ok, yeah, cool' about the rampant success of the show, but when the Comedy Central execs told us to write the Geeks into OUR show? (shakes head) That was going a bit too far, in my opinion. But still, we were nice guys, and we said 'hey, fine' and just did it, to shut everyone up...
Matt Stone, co-creator of South Park: We figured one guest appearance would be fine; I mean, pretty much everyone's been featured on South Park at one point in time or another, so this was really no big deal. But then we were told to write the Geeks in more and more, until finally they had taken over the entire f*cking show! I mean, we put our foot down when the newest South Park catch phrase was 'Hey, you killed Jolley; you bastard!' It was too much.
Voiceover: Sadly, Parker and Stone have been out of a job for months, unemployed after a falling out with Comedy Central over what direction South Park took.
Goebel, munching on some pretzels: They asked for it, though! (evil cackle, spitting crumbs everywhere) We didn't ask for much; just a permanant spot on the show! I mean, that's not asking a lot. I, of course, make a wonderful Chef, in my humble opinion...
Heuck, sighing: Yeah, but did they have to make ME Mr. Garrison? Why do *I* get the rep as the pervert?
(van Straaten rips of Heuck's robe, exposing a leather catsuit, spiked collar, thigh-high boots, and a whip strapped to his thigh.)
van Straaten: That's why, you sicko.
Heuck: To each, his own.
(Heuck quickly covers himself up and stalks off to go find and dominate Zax)
van Straaten, sighing wistfully: It wasn't always like this, you know...
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And it's in several comments, just like the original that we wrote in Moviegeeked! (headdesk)
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