(no subject)
I have nothing of substance to write about.
Loki Owns Your Life. He's My Ferret, and Official Second Best Friend Ever. (Icarus 4 Lyfe)
As Does Bye Bye Birdie. GREATEST SPEECH EVER. And VIncent Wong. And Danny Gorman.
In order to update you about my life...I'll post a few HUNDRED Lj Stalker Things, As they're probably the greatest thing i've EVER Discovered.
Stalking is illegal. Mindofwerc confronts raccoonlady.
raccoonlady is stalking Mindofwerc
raccoonlady’s REAL name :
Wing Mallin
raccoonlady’s REAL DOB :
12th May 1979
Height :174 cm
Weight : 72.7 kg
raccoonlady has dreamt about you :
19 times
raccoonlady became interested in you :
05th January 2005
raccoonlady’s latest dream about you
Last night raccoonlady dreamt that you had told them that you were leaving for good. raccoonlady was just about ready to chop off your head with a samurai sword before the dream ended.
This is how raccoonlady describes your relationship behind your back
‘My god! Mindofwerc is hot as fuck. I want to get him into bed so I can nibble away at their earlobes all night long!’
raccoonlady’s been stealing stuff from your house too.
raccoonlady seems to get a thrill from continually stealing your toothbrushes. It is rumoured that raccoonlady uses them to scratch their ass.
They’ve even started modifying their body for you
In a night of sheer angst raccoonlady carved ‘Mindofwerc’ into their forehead with a set of bakers tongs.
They sent the following message to you in a Valentines
If I can’t have you, nobody can darling. I’d advise you to committ these words to memory.
The Police
No. calls to the police :
21 times
Your Last Call to The Police
"Hello look this is a bit embarassing, I have a stalker who keeps trying to climb over our perimeter fencing and they seem to have become impaled on it again. Could you please send someone over to check it out? Thanks."
raccoonlady’s Police File
raccoonlady is a callous, heartless young man who enjoys biting the head off squirrels and spitting them out at animal rights protestors.
Testimonies about raccoonlady
exiled_inthe_us - A deformed enuch
‘To be honest there was always something about raccoonlady that gave me the creeps. Gave off a really weird smell. Almost like a decomposing racoon.’
silly_love_s0ng - Spaced out junkie
‘I’m completely fucking gutted to hear about all of this. I always liked raccoonlady. Are you sure you’re accusing the right person?’
myski - Loves staring at dead bodies
‘I always knew there was something different about raccoonlady. I’m alway suspicious of people who become aroused upon watching barnyard animals give birth.’
ashi1058 - Long-haul trucker
‘I don’t really have that many enemies - but raccoonlady is definitely one of them now.’
LJ stalking horror - a report by Mindofwerc.
beija_me is stalking Mindofwerc
beija_me’s REAL name :
Blankenship Peacock
beija_me’s REAL DOB :
11th November 1974
Height :177 cm
Weight : 68.9 kg
beija_me has dreamt about you :
30 times
beija_me became interested in you :
16th May 2003
beija_me’s latest dream about you
You are working in an ice cream parlour. beija_me approaches the counter and asks for a whipped vanilla cone. You step out from behind the counter brandishing a leather whip in full BDSM gear.
This is how beija_me describes your relationship behind your back
‘We are just really good friends at the moment. I’d honestly cut off my arm to be with them though’
beija_me’s been stealing stuff from your house too.
Since meeting Mindofwerc in , beija_me has managed to collect around 10 of Mindofwerc’s old TV remotes.
They’ve even started modifying their body for you
beija_me had their nipples pierced to show you the true depths of their neverending love for you.
They sent the following message to you in a Valentines
Hold me my sweet angel and I shall forever be faithful. Well until you get old and ugly of course. Then it’ll be a completely different matter.
The Police
No. calls to the police :
25 times
Your Last Call to The Police
"Police? Look that fucker beija_me is still harassing me. I got another valentines card smeared in blood today again. Can’t you do something about this? I’m starting to become scared for my life."
beija_me’s Police File
beija_me will be the next Jeffrey Dahmer if they are not institutionalized immediately.
Testimonies about beija_me
babiiblankyta - A hardened ex-crook
‘You think you know a person and then something like this comes out of the blue. Fuck that, I’m becoming a recluse.’
skachickssttr - Balding slut
‘Well well, who would have thought it? beija_me a pervert? I knew it all along. They used to watch me getting undressed through my bedroom window every night.’
nixx_o_rama - Pig-hustler
‘I used to love beija_me. This news has broke my heart. I feel like beating the shit out of that bastard, seriously. What a dick.’
tinaeu - Flaccid Pornstar
‘Ahhh none of this is new to me. Mindofwerc’s been telling me about beija_me’s antics for ages now. I don’t honestly know why he has put up with it for so long.’
Mindofwerc is being stalked on Livejournal!
babiiblankyta is stalking Mindofwerc
babiiblankyta’s REAL name :
Rosalia Carver
babiiblankyta’s REAL DOB :
17th August 1986
Height :158 cm
Weight : 67.4 kg
babiiblankyta has dreamt about you :
30 times
babiiblankyta became interested in you :
13th September 2004
babiiblankyta’s latest dream about you
babiiblankyta dreamt that both of you died in each others arms in a rather bizarre rollercoaster accident.
This is how babiiblankyta describes your relationship behind your back
‘At first I thought it was just friendship, but it’s more than that. The way Mindofwerc looks at me has to be seen to be believed. Either he loves me as much as I love him or he’s terrified. And that isn’t very likely, is it……?’
babiiblankyta’s been stealing stuff from your house too.
babiiblankyta has stolen your DVD recorder and will only return it once they receive a tongue kiss from you.
They’ve even started modifying their body for you
babiiblankyta recently spent a months salary, tattooing your head onto the inside of both of their thighs.
They sent the following message to you in a Valentines
God want’s us to be together. He told me last night. He said that if you refute my love than I have the right to scald you with piping hot tap water.
The Police
No. calls to the police :
25 times
Your Last Call to The Police
"I’ve had enough of this. Send the fucking SWAT team around. That bastard babiiblankyta has been watching me for far too long. Don’t be stingey with the dum-dum bullets. Thanks."
babiiblankyta’s Police File
babiiblankyta has connections with the Church of Satan, The Communists and the IRA. It’s only a matter of time before they are responsible for a major terorrist attack on our country.
Testimonies about babiiblankyta
_teenageriot - Pig-hustler
‘It just goes to show that the world is full of sick, twisted perverts. I’m gonna fucking kill babiiblankyta!’
0not_ur_star0 - Dull O Dull
‘Dear God! I knew babiiblankyta was a right thieving bastard but I didn’t know they were such a skank. Mindofwerc is a bit of a sucker really.’
b_starna - The Devil In Disguise
‘Fucks sake! babiiblankyta’s been stitched up, that Mindofwerc has always been a right scheming fucker. It’s a disgrace.’
violeteyedhair - Fathers goats
‘Ahhh none of this is new to me. Mindofwerc’s been telling me about babiiblankyta’s antics for ages now. I don’t honestly know why he has put up with it for so long.’
Stalkers are twats. A cautionary tale from Mindofwerc.
tinaeu is stalking Mindofwerc
tinaeu’s REAL name :
Oakes Cumming
tinaeu’s REAL DOB :
01st July 1977
Height :180 cm
Weight : 51.8 kg
tinaeu has dreamt about you :
17 times
tinaeu became interested in you :
15th February 2005
tinaeu’s latest dream about you
After a brief rendezvous in a unisex spa, the two lovers decide to make kittens behind an unattended reception desk. 5 minutes into the experience David Hasselhoff mysteriously appears at the desk with his hand resting casually on the side of his cheek trying to surpress the grin that by-now has engulfed his face. He steals a glimpse of your genetalia before disappearing as quickly as he came.
This is how tinaeu describes your relationship behind your back
‘I don’t want to be just good friends. I want to be with him forever. To death to us part and all that.’
tinaeu’s been stealing stuff from your house too.
A pair of soiled underpants that you left out in your backyard after a night out on the razz.
They’ve even started modifying their body for you
tinaeu had their nipples pierced to show you the true depths of their neverending love for you.
They sent the following message to you in a Valentines
I love you darling. Shall we organise our funeral arrangements soon? We wouldn’t want to be buried without one another would we?
The Police
No. calls to the police :
17 times
Your Last Call to The Police
"Hi, police? Yeah, I’d like to report a crime. Some mad fuckers just shovelled shit into our mailbox. I think it’s this person I know from the internet called tinaeu. Yeah, real mad son of a bitch. Can’t seem to understand that I just don’t like ‘em."
tinaeu’s Police File
We are sincerely worried about tinaeu’s future. We believe that he has the potential to kill at least 10 people.
Testimonies about tinaeu
jimicore_x - A hardened ex-crook
‘I can’t believe what I’m hearing! tinaeu a stalker? Well I suppose it makes sense actually. That bastard had really shifty eyes…’
raccoonlady - Balding slut
‘Boring. I know Mindofwerc and tinaeu really love each other. They are both just seeking attention. Just get married and stop the fucking games already! Jesus!’
shatteredvirus - Nosy old hen
‘Surprise Surprise, tinaeu’s a dirty fucker? Tell me something different.’
Stalking is illegal. Mindofwerc confronts thefinalflight.
thefinalflight is stalking Mindofwerc
thefinalflight’s REAL name :
Rosenda Cleaver
thefinalflight’s REAL DOB :
26th June 1976
Height :171 cm
Weight : 79.0 kg
thefinalflight has dreamt about you :
4 times
thefinalflight became interested in you :
22nd April 2005
thefinalflight’s latest dream about you
Mindofwerc is awoken by the heavy breathing of thefinalflight who is sitting on your bed stroking a fat ginger cat. Your stalker winks at you and pat’s you on the groin whilst you attempt to cower in horror beneath your bed linen.
This is how thefinalflight describes your relationship behind your back
‘Things couldn’t be any worse at the moment, not only has Mindofwerc’s father threatened to kill me if I go anywhere near their house but I’ve also just received a restrainer order from the police which prevents me from going within 1500m of him.’
thefinalflight’s been stealing stuff from your house too.
thefinalflight has a habit of searching Mindofwerc’s home for sex toys and ‘borrowing’ any that they find.
They’ve even started modifying their body for you
In the past year thefinalflight has spent their entire life savings on cosmetic surgery in an attempt to look more like you.
They sent the following message to you in a Valentines
Hug me. Kiss me. Fuck me.
The Police
No. calls to the police :
5 times
Your Last Call to The Police
"Police! I need your assistance, someones trying to climb in through my window. It’s a stalker I met off the internet. They’ve been harassing me for months now. I can’t walk down the street without them following me. Come quickly and make sure you bring a couple of baseball bats. I could do with beating this fucker into submission."
thefinalflight’s Police File
15 years of continual drug abuse has taken it’s toll on thefinalflight’s psyche. Unstable and a potential threat to society.
Testimonies about thefinalflight
babiiblankyta - Stone dead tripper
‘I always suspected thefinalflight was a little weird, but never THIS weird.’
only_i_matter - Balding slut
‘thefinalflight was a depressing bore and I’m fucking glad they’ve been outted as a twat. Means I won’t have to deal with them ever again. Hip-hip-horray.’
zeequestionmark - Overweight cult comedian
‘I’ve been friends with thefinalflight all of my life and I know all of this is bullshit. Mindofwerc is such a drama queen.’
diesolitairedie - The Ear Doctor
‘Fucking hell! This is hilarious for all the wrong reasons. Mindofwerc should really be in hospital receiving X-rays to the head.’
Stalked again, a rant by Mindofwerc.
if_onlyou_knew is stalking Mindofwerc
if_onlyou_knew’s REAL name :
Haddad Galligan
if_onlyou_knew’s REAL DOB :
17th June 1975
Height :162 cm
Weight : 42.0 kg
if_onlyou_knew has dreamt about you :
28 times
if_onlyou_knew became interested in you :
04th October 2002
if_onlyou_knew’s latest dream about you
You are on a golfcourse with if_onlyou_knew and your tormentor is showing you kinky new ways to make use of the putter.
This is how if_onlyou_knew describes your relationship behind your back
‘We’re star-crossed lovers! We could not possibly be in love anymore than we already are.’
if_onlyou_knew’s been stealing stuff from your house too.
if_onlyou_knew seems to get a thrill from continually stealing your toothbrushes. It is rumoured that if_onlyou_knew uses them to scratch their ass.
They’ve even started modifying their body for you
In a vain attempt to impress you if_onlyou_knew walked into a piercing studio and got everything pierced including their nose, chin, genitals and lip.
They sent the following message to you in a Valentines
Hug me. Kiss me. Fuck me.
The Police
No. calls to the police :
17 times
Your Last Call to The Police
"Ah fuck it not again. Look if_onlyou_knew you little bastard, get your fucking head out of my bin or else I’m phoning the cops. Right that’s fucking it! Hello police? Yes it’s if_onlyou_knew again. The little shit-stirrer."
if_onlyou_knew’s Police File
It’s quite obvious to us that if_onlyou_knew is clinically insane and should be sectioned immediately.
Testimonies about if_onlyou_knew
_teenageriot - A deformed enuch
‘Surprise Surprise, if_onlyou_knew’s a dirty fucker? Tell me something different.’
skachickssttr - Spaced out junkie
‘if_onlyou_knew is pointlessness personified. I just wish they’d kill themselves or something.’
dud3witn0clu3 - Worn out Musician
‘Uncool and unhip if_onlyou_knew is just plain shit!’
I now have reason to live.
Loki Owns Your Life. He's My Ferret, and Official Second Best Friend Ever. (Icarus 4 Lyfe)
As Does Bye Bye Birdie. GREATEST SPEECH EVER. And VIncent Wong. And Danny Gorman.
In order to update you about my life...I'll post a few HUNDRED Lj Stalker Things, As they're probably the greatest thing i've EVER Discovered.
Stalking is illegal. Mindofwerc confronts raccoonlady.
raccoonlady is stalking Mindofwerc
raccoonlady’s REAL name :
Wing Mallin
raccoonlady’s REAL DOB :
12th May 1979
Height :174 cm
Weight : 72.7 kg
raccoonlady has dreamt about you :
19 times
raccoonlady became interested in you :
05th January 2005
raccoonlady’s latest dream about you
Last night raccoonlady dreamt that you had told them that you were leaving for good. raccoonlady was just about ready to chop off your head with a samurai sword before the dream ended.
This is how raccoonlady describes your relationship behind your back
‘My god! Mindofwerc is hot as fuck. I want to get him into bed so I can nibble away at their earlobes all night long!’
raccoonlady’s been stealing stuff from your house too.
raccoonlady seems to get a thrill from continually stealing your toothbrushes. It is rumoured that raccoonlady uses them to scratch their ass.
They’ve even started modifying their body for you
In a night of sheer angst raccoonlady carved ‘Mindofwerc’ into their forehead with a set of bakers tongs.
They sent the following message to you in a Valentines
If I can’t have you, nobody can darling. I’d advise you to committ these words to memory.
The Police
No. calls to the police :
21 times
Your Last Call to The Police
"Hello look this is a bit embarassing, I have a stalker who keeps trying to climb over our perimeter fencing and they seem to have become impaled on it again. Could you please send someone over to check it out? Thanks."
raccoonlady’s Police File
raccoonlady is a callous, heartless young man who enjoys biting the head off squirrels and spitting them out at animal rights protestors.
Testimonies about raccoonlady
exiled_inthe_us - A deformed enuch
‘To be honest there was always something about raccoonlady that gave me the creeps. Gave off a really weird smell. Almost like a decomposing racoon.’
silly_love_s0ng - Spaced out junkie
‘I’m completely fucking gutted to hear about all of this. I always liked raccoonlady. Are you sure you’re accusing the right person?’
myski - Loves staring at dead bodies
‘I always knew there was something different about raccoonlady. I’m alway suspicious of people who become aroused upon watching barnyard animals give birth.’
ashi1058 - Long-haul trucker
‘I don’t really have that many enemies - but raccoonlady is definitely one of them now.’
LJ stalking horror - a report by Mindofwerc.
beija_me is stalking Mindofwerc
beija_me’s REAL name :
Blankenship Peacock
beija_me’s REAL DOB :
11th November 1974
Height :177 cm
Weight : 68.9 kg
beija_me has dreamt about you :
30 times
beija_me became interested in you :
16th May 2003
beija_me’s latest dream about you
You are working in an ice cream parlour. beija_me approaches the counter and asks for a whipped vanilla cone. You step out from behind the counter brandishing a leather whip in full BDSM gear.
This is how beija_me describes your relationship behind your back
‘We are just really good friends at the moment. I’d honestly cut off my arm to be with them though’
beija_me’s been stealing stuff from your house too.
Since meeting Mindofwerc in , beija_me has managed to collect around 10 of Mindofwerc’s old TV remotes.
They’ve even started modifying their body for you
beija_me had their nipples pierced to show you the true depths of their neverending love for you.
They sent the following message to you in a Valentines
Hold me my sweet angel and I shall forever be faithful. Well until you get old and ugly of course. Then it’ll be a completely different matter.
The Police
No. calls to the police :
25 times
Your Last Call to The Police
"Police? Look that fucker beija_me is still harassing me. I got another valentines card smeared in blood today again. Can’t you do something about this? I’m starting to become scared for my life."
beija_me’s Police File
beija_me will be the next Jeffrey Dahmer if they are not institutionalized immediately.
Testimonies about beija_me
babiiblankyta - A hardened ex-crook
‘You think you know a person and then something like this comes out of the blue. Fuck that, I’m becoming a recluse.’
skachickssttr - Balding slut
‘Well well, who would have thought it? beija_me a pervert? I knew it all along. They used to watch me getting undressed through my bedroom window every night.’
nixx_o_rama - Pig-hustler
‘I used to love beija_me. This news has broke my heart. I feel like beating the shit out of that bastard, seriously. What a dick.’
tinaeu - Flaccid Pornstar
‘Ahhh none of this is new to me. Mindofwerc’s been telling me about beija_me’s antics for ages now. I don’t honestly know why he has put up with it for so long.’
Mindofwerc is being stalked on Livejournal!
babiiblankyta is stalking Mindofwerc
babiiblankyta’s REAL name :
Rosalia Carver
babiiblankyta’s REAL DOB :
17th August 1986
Height :158 cm
Weight : 67.4 kg
babiiblankyta has dreamt about you :
30 times
babiiblankyta became interested in you :
13th September 2004
babiiblankyta’s latest dream about you
babiiblankyta dreamt that both of you died in each others arms in a rather bizarre rollercoaster accident.
This is how babiiblankyta describes your relationship behind your back
‘At first I thought it was just friendship, but it’s more than that. The way Mindofwerc looks at me has to be seen to be believed. Either he loves me as much as I love him or he’s terrified. And that isn’t very likely, is it……?’
babiiblankyta’s been stealing stuff from your house too.
babiiblankyta has stolen your DVD recorder and will only return it once they receive a tongue kiss from you.
They’ve even started modifying their body for you
babiiblankyta recently spent a months salary, tattooing your head onto the inside of both of their thighs.
They sent the following message to you in a Valentines
God want’s us to be together. He told me last night. He said that if you refute my love than I have the right to scald you with piping hot tap water.
The Police
No. calls to the police :
25 times
Your Last Call to The Police
"I’ve had enough of this. Send the fucking SWAT team around. That bastard babiiblankyta has been watching me for far too long. Don’t be stingey with the dum-dum bullets. Thanks."
babiiblankyta’s Police File
babiiblankyta has connections with the Church of Satan, The Communists and the IRA. It’s only a matter of time before they are responsible for a major terorrist attack on our country.
Testimonies about babiiblankyta
_teenageriot - Pig-hustler
‘It just goes to show that the world is full of sick, twisted perverts. I’m gonna fucking kill babiiblankyta!’
0not_ur_star0 - Dull O Dull
‘Dear God! I knew babiiblankyta was a right thieving bastard but I didn’t know they were such a skank. Mindofwerc is a bit of a sucker really.’
b_starna - The Devil In Disguise
‘Fucks sake! babiiblankyta’s been stitched up, that Mindofwerc has always been a right scheming fucker. It’s a disgrace.’
violeteyedhair - Fathers goats
‘Ahhh none of this is new to me. Mindofwerc’s been telling me about babiiblankyta’s antics for ages now. I don’t honestly know why he has put up with it for so long.’
Stalkers are twats. A cautionary tale from Mindofwerc.
tinaeu is stalking Mindofwerc
tinaeu’s REAL name :
Oakes Cumming
tinaeu’s REAL DOB :
01st July 1977
Height :180 cm
Weight : 51.8 kg
tinaeu has dreamt about you :
17 times
tinaeu became interested in you :
15th February 2005
tinaeu’s latest dream about you
After a brief rendezvous in a unisex spa, the two lovers decide to make kittens behind an unattended reception desk. 5 minutes into the experience David Hasselhoff mysteriously appears at the desk with his hand resting casually on the side of his cheek trying to surpress the grin that by-now has engulfed his face. He steals a glimpse of your genetalia before disappearing as quickly as he came.
This is how tinaeu describes your relationship behind your back
‘I don’t want to be just good friends. I want to be with him forever. To death to us part and all that.’
tinaeu’s been stealing stuff from your house too.
A pair of soiled underpants that you left out in your backyard after a night out on the razz.
They’ve even started modifying their body for you
tinaeu had their nipples pierced to show you the true depths of their neverending love for you.
They sent the following message to you in a Valentines
I love you darling. Shall we organise our funeral arrangements soon? We wouldn’t want to be buried without one another would we?
The Police
No. calls to the police :
17 times
Your Last Call to The Police
"Hi, police? Yeah, I’d like to report a crime. Some mad fuckers just shovelled shit into our mailbox. I think it’s this person I know from the internet called tinaeu. Yeah, real mad son of a bitch. Can’t seem to understand that I just don’t like ‘em."
tinaeu’s Police File
We are sincerely worried about tinaeu’s future. We believe that he has the potential to kill at least 10 people.
Testimonies about tinaeu
jimicore_x - A hardened ex-crook
‘I can’t believe what I’m hearing! tinaeu a stalker? Well I suppose it makes sense actually. That bastard had really shifty eyes…’
raccoonlady - Balding slut
‘Boring. I know Mindofwerc and tinaeu really love each other. They are both just seeking attention. Just get married and stop the fucking games already! Jesus!’
shatteredvirus - Nosy old hen
‘Surprise Surprise, tinaeu’s a dirty fucker? Tell me something different.’
Stalking is illegal. Mindofwerc confronts thefinalflight.
thefinalflight is stalking Mindofwerc
thefinalflight’s REAL name :
Rosenda Cleaver
thefinalflight’s REAL DOB :
26th June 1976
Height :171 cm
Weight : 79.0 kg
thefinalflight has dreamt about you :
4 times
thefinalflight became interested in you :
22nd April 2005
thefinalflight’s latest dream about you
Mindofwerc is awoken by the heavy breathing of thefinalflight who is sitting on your bed stroking a fat ginger cat. Your stalker winks at you and pat’s you on the groin whilst you attempt to cower in horror beneath your bed linen.
This is how thefinalflight describes your relationship behind your back
‘Things couldn’t be any worse at the moment, not only has Mindofwerc’s father threatened to kill me if I go anywhere near their house but I’ve also just received a restrainer order from the police which prevents me from going within 1500m of him.’
thefinalflight’s been stealing stuff from your house too.
thefinalflight has a habit of searching Mindofwerc’s home for sex toys and ‘borrowing’ any that they find.
They’ve even started modifying their body for you
In the past year thefinalflight has spent their entire life savings on cosmetic surgery in an attempt to look more like you.
They sent the following message to you in a Valentines
Hug me. Kiss me. Fuck me.
The Police
No. calls to the police :
5 times
Your Last Call to The Police
"Police! I need your assistance, someones trying to climb in through my window. It’s a stalker I met off the internet. They’ve been harassing me for months now. I can’t walk down the street without them following me. Come quickly and make sure you bring a couple of baseball bats. I could do with beating this fucker into submission."
thefinalflight’s Police File
15 years of continual drug abuse has taken it’s toll on thefinalflight’s psyche. Unstable and a potential threat to society.
Testimonies about thefinalflight
babiiblankyta - Stone dead tripper
‘I always suspected thefinalflight was a little weird, but never THIS weird.’
only_i_matter - Balding slut
‘thefinalflight was a depressing bore and I’m fucking glad they’ve been outted as a twat. Means I won’t have to deal with them ever again. Hip-hip-horray.’
zeequestionmark - Overweight cult comedian
‘I’ve been friends with thefinalflight all of my life and I know all of this is bullshit. Mindofwerc is such a drama queen.’
diesolitairedie - The Ear Doctor
‘Fucking hell! This is hilarious for all the wrong reasons. Mindofwerc should really be in hospital receiving X-rays to the head.’
Stalked again, a rant by Mindofwerc.
if_onlyou_knew is stalking Mindofwerc
if_onlyou_knew’s REAL name :
Haddad Galligan
if_onlyou_knew’s REAL DOB :
17th June 1975
Height :162 cm
Weight : 42.0 kg
if_onlyou_knew has dreamt about you :
28 times
if_onlyou_knew became interested in you :
04th October 2002
if_onlyou_knew’s latest dream about you
You are on a golfcourse with if_onlyou_knew and your tormentor is showing you kinky new ways to make use of the putter.
This is how if_onlyou_knew describes your relationship behind your back
‘We’re star-crossed lovers! We could not possibly be in love anymore than we already are.’
if_onlyou_knew’s been stealing stuff from your house too.
if_onlyou_knew seems to get a thrill from continually stealing your toothbrushes. It is rumoured that if_onlyou_knew uses them to scratch their ass.
They’ve even started modifying their body for you
In a vain attempt to impress you if_onlyou_knew walked into a piercing studio and got everything pierced including their nose, chin, genitals and lip.
They sent the following message to you in a Valentines
Hug me. Kiss me. Fuck me.
The Police
No. calls to the police :
17 times
Your Last Call to The Police
"Ah fuck it not again. Look if_onlyou_knew you little bastard, get your fucking head out of my bin or else I’m phoning the cops. Right that’s fucking it! Hello police? Yes it’s if_onlyou_knew again. The little shit-stirrer."
if_onlyou_knew’s Police File
It’s quite obvious to us that if_onlyou_knew is clinically insane and should be sectioned immediately.
Testimonies about if_onlyou_knew
_teenageriot - A deformed enuch
‘Surprise Surprise, if_onlyou_knew’s a dirty fucker? Tell me something different.’
skachickssttr - Spaced out junkie
‘if_onlyou_knew is pointlessness personified. I just wish they’d kill themselves or something.’
dud3witn0clu3 - Worn out Musician
‘Uncool and unhip if_onlyou_knew is just plain shit!’
I now have reason to live.