(no subject)
It's like I'm at a wall with so many things.
I love accounting so far... but can I see myself doing that? Sometimes I think there's a difference between the reality of me working a job and balancing all of my thousands of interests. Leaving music literally terrifies me - I've been involved in music since first grade. In high school I was a "music major". I've invested so much time, money, and sanity into it to not do it for life, but Music Ed in American Society is really showing me that I DON'T have what it takes in this day and time. I'm not an advocate, I'm a teacher. I'm not a politician, I'm a musician. Unfortunately, it can't be like that anymore. So I look for different alternatives, but if I follow through with accounting, say hello to another three whole years of college. I didn't come into college with 35 AP credits to stay here for six years. No happy alternative.
I'm either too negative or too positive for people. When I'm in a big group, most people go for my cycnicism and sarcasm until someone starts making subtle comments against it. A lot of times people get mad at me because every time I walk into a room "people start to breathe negativity". Joking as it might be, it kind of hurts to hear that. So I've been trying to be more positive and like everyone else, but when that happens people complain that it's weird and to go back to being myself. No happy alternative.
It's summer and I don't have time for anything. Last night I went out and was angry the whole time because I should have been home studying and now this feeling is going to loom over me until 2pm when I fail my test today. My mom exploded at me last night for not having a job even though I've applied to a few different places. I don't know what she wants -- she wants me to get straight A's, be involved in KKPsi, be involved in Marching Chiefs, but also have a job to get money. I wish it was plausible to drop Chiefs, go conditional in Psi, get straight C's, and get a job. Would she be happier then? If she doesn't want me to use "her" money, then let me take out a Stafford loan [government that doesn't accrue interest]. Put it in my name and when I get out of college let me pay it back with my own money. At least then I won't have to worry about her getting upset at me everytime SHE asks ME if I need money and my answer is "yes". No happy alternative.
My career, personality, and finances aren't things that don't matter much also. These are big things. Quarter-life crisis maybe?
ps. I got asst. section leader for next year. I wish I could be happy about that, but I'm not.
I love accounting so far... but can I see myself doing that? Sometimes I think there's a difference between the reality of me working a job and balancing all of my thousands of interests. Leaving music literally terrifies me - I've been involved in music since first grade. In high school I was a "music major". I've invested so much time, money, and sanity into it to not do it for life, but Music Ed in American Society is really showing me that I DON'T have what it takes in this day and time. I'm not an advocate, I'm a teacher. I'm not a politician, I'm a musician. Unfortunately, it can't be like that anymore. So I look for different alternatives, but if I follow through with accounting, say hello to another three whole years of college. I didn't come into college with 35 AP credits to stay here for six years. No happy alternative.
I'm either too negative or too positive for people. When I'm in a big group, most people go for my cycnicism and sarcasm until someone starts making subtle comments against it. A lot of times people get mad at me because every time I walk into a room "people start to breathe negativity". Joking as it might be, it kind of hurts to hear that. So I've been trying to be more positive and like everyone else, but when that happens people complain that it's weird and to go back to being myself. No happy alternative.
It's summer and I don't have time for anything. Last night I went out and was angry the whole time because I should have been home studying and now this feeling is going to loom over me until 2pm when I fail my test today. My mom exploded at me last night for not having a job even though I've applied to a few different places. I don't know what she wants -- she wants me to get straight A's, be involved in KKPsi, be involved in Marching Chiefs, but also have a job to get money. I wish it was plausible to drop Chiefs, go conditional in Psi, get straight C's, and get a job. Would she be happier then? If she doesn't want me to use "her" money, then let me take out a Stafford loan [government that doesn't accrue interest]. Put it in my name and when I get out of college let me pay it back with my own money. At least then I won't have to worry about her getting upset at me everytime SHE asks ME if I need money and my answer is "yes". No happy alternative.
My career, personality, and finances aren't things that don't matter much also. These are big things. Quarter-life crisis maybe?
ps. I got asst. section leader for next year. I wish I could be happy about that, but I'm not.