EXHAUSTED...emotionally and physically
I don't write here alot. Sometime when I want to write and have someone read...or sometimes because NO one reads. Take your pick.
Life has given me the Bum Rap lately. First the storm that knocked the power out for 9 1/2 days, then the prospect that I may not get to go see my godson graduation next week. (june 5th) and my cat of 11 years died while we had our storm. It was unexpected.
Then to top off this life...I have found out that I have two cataracts. Mild ones at the moment that really doesn't impair my vision. But still, life isn't the best.
Lately .... the past few days I have had a mixture of emotions...anger, sadness, bitterness, and feeling sorry for myself. That isn't me. But I have had too much piled on me at once. I just can't take it.
The other day I was talking to a friend online. I said...you know I dealt with not being able to walk for all my life. I adapted to a wheelchair ... had my experiences as a wild child, was blessed with friends, and have led a great life.
In 1994 I was dealt with the fact that I was going to have to use a ventilator to breathe all my life. It was a tough transition, but I used the vent, went on, and had some fun. In the years since, I have lost 8 good friends thru their passing. I dealt with that. But now, to have these cataracts..Why me? That is the syndrome I am in now. It isn't fair. I have had the bumps in the road, but this feels like a mountain.
I am in a hole that I seem to not be able to get myself out. I need to, and I want to. But I don't have the strength anymore. I have no interest in anything and find myself shutting people out of my life.
Hell you know I am feeling bad when the I have no interest in watching Craig, thinking about the famous person that I once idolized. I still do, but have no hope for a god damned thing. Yes, excuse the language. I just feel hopeless.
Maybe time will heal, but right now, everything is raw.
I need to light at the end of the tunnel.
venti
Life has given me the Bum Rap lately. First the storm that knocked the power out for 9 1/2 days, then the prospect that I may not get to go see my godson graduation next week. (june 5th) and my cat of 11 years died while we had our storm. It was unexpected.
Then to top off this life...I have found out that I have two cataracts. Mild ones at the moment that really doesn't impair my vision. But still, life isn't the best.
Lately .... the past few days I have had a mixture of emotions...anger, sadness, bitterness, and feeling sorry for myself. That isn't me. But I have had too much piled on me at once. I just can't take it.
The other day I was talking to a friend online. I said...you know I dealt with not being able to walk for all my life. I adapted to a wheelchair ... had my experiences as a wild child, was blessed with friends, and have led a great life.
In 1994 I was dealt with the fact that I was going to have to use a ventilator to breathe all my life. It was a tough transition, but I used the vent, went on, and had some fun. In the years since, I have lost 8 good friends thru their passing. I dealt with that. But now, to have these cataracts..Why me? That is the syndrome I am in now. It isn't fair. I have had the bumps in the road, but this feels like a mountain.
I am in a hole that I seem to not be able to get myself out. I need to, and I want to. But I don't have the strength anymore. I have no interest in anything and find myself shutting people out of my life.
Hell you know I am feeling bad when the I have no interest in watching Craig, thinking about the famous person that I once idolized. I still do, but have no hope for a god damned thing. Yes, excuse the language. I just feel hopeless.
Maybe time will heal, but right now, everything is raw.
I need to light at the end of the tunnel.
venti