(no subject)
well as most of you know i've been in a very rough situation.... kinda of lost what to do about it.... i have to find a new home for two of our "geusts" or pay money to keep them.... i fucked up my calf muscle to the point where it hurts to walk.... i deal with the thoughts in my head to much... the funreal didn't help...plus i still got pointed for doing it but hey i was there for my firends and that's where i should be...with friends...good company and all of that cup of jo.... but mst of that i'm finding hard to keep around here.... people are fucking whack.... some i don't even get anymore... i don't even get myself anymore... i told myself never to put up with shit like what i've gone through in the past week... but do i listen no.. of course not i always think that it'll change and let myself get mentally fucked all over again...then i get turned out to be the bad guy in the end...a t least two people have actually seen what happens to me in this world... and i think they still don't believe it...or they do and just don't know what to say anymore...or are to scared to...the one i wish saw what happens will never see what's done to me everytime it happens... the nights sspent crying myself to sleep, the nights spent with a dagger next to bed so i could feel safe, sleeing with lights on cuz i've now become afraid of the darkness and the lonliness it holds.... and the thoughts that run rampid in my mind.... i try to fix it i try to be myslef but it never happens that way... i just need to run or break down and soon.... i don't know when or how i just need to runaway for a while.. you know get free of what's killing my spirit.... of what i don't know but it's killing me.... and i need to be free and run in the meadows of flowers, bike as far a possible to a spot of pure bliss, run on the beach of happiness, watch a sunset or sunrise through clear and open eyes....
I JUST WANT TO BE ME AND FREE TO BE WHO I WANT TO BE!!!!!!!!!!