(no subject)
i attempted to sleep, but. oh well.
i think the thing that makes it hardest is that you love these imperfect beings, entirely, even for their most horrible flaws. you come/go to them, willingly (you weren't seduced or tempted by anything superficial or earthly), with open arms, with every possible negative outcome clearly engraved in your mind. it still doesn't stop or hinder you, such foolishness. your actions have been premeditated, planned, not an impulse, a well thought decision, over thought and analyzed.
in other words, you gave it your best, likely, for the first and only time, and what crushes you, maybe the most, is that...that wasn't good enough.
i think the thing that makes it hardest is that you love these imperfect beings, entirely, even for their most horrible flaws. you come/go to them, willingly (you weren't seduced or tempted by anything superficial or earthly), with open arms, with every possible negative outcome clearly engraved in your mind. it still doesn't stop or hinder you, such foolishness. your actions have been premeditated, planned, not an impulse, a well thought decision, over thought and analyzed.
in other words, you gave it your best, likely, for the first and only time, and what crushes you, maybe the most, is that...that wasn't good enough.