Somewhere over the rainbow...
I'm just going to say that my grandma died yesterday.
And I can't decide if it feels like she is really dead or not.
She had a stroke, and then exactly one week (almost to the minute)of shock, hospital, and later, hospice, cafeteria coffee, near constant crying by at least one family member, forty million urgent cell phone calls, and waiting room sleep later, she was gone.
I feel good that my family and I got to say goodbye.
I feel good that my cousin and her husband are pregnant so the family has something to look forward to, and that grandma got to know and be excited about it before she died.
I'm going to sing her favorite song at the funeral, and I have to get my tears out of me before that.
I just said really simply, "How does a circle exist with only half it's center?"
I said, "I am just going to miss her."
He said, "I will take all of your tears."
I was waiting to be alone with him, but I think I might just be waiting to be alone.
And now, it's like it's so appropriate some how...
My mom is moving in with my grandpa, into her old house. It's a big old house with a big yard and they won't get in each other's way and they will probably get a dog.
And I am moving into my apartment with Jeff. No more of this house.
So we're cleaning things out, and packing things up, and setting out for different.
And it's fall, which to me has always meant new beginnings, whether good or bad.
It's like all signs are pointing to NEW LIFE CHAPTER.
You know you are officially grown up when your parent feels comfortable enough with you moving in with your (pretty much) spouse that she is moving out of your childhood home herself.
And somehow, we all ended up staying in fucking town. You know who you are.
This year needs structure, this year needs normal. This mother needs me, that father needs her.
This year is my experiment with easier, with ordinary.
Yeah, we'll see.
After that, this me needs-
This me will have her own needs. And I don't have to know what they will be yet.
And I can't decide if it feels like she is really dead or not.
She had a stroke, and then exactly one week (almost to the minute)of shock, hospital, and later, hospice, cafeteria coffee, near constant crying by at least one family member, forty million urgent cell phone calls, and waiting room sleep later, she was gone.
I feel good that my family and I got to say goodbye.
I feel good that my cousin and her husband are pregnant so the family has something to look forward to, and that grandma got to know and be excited about it before she died.
I'm going to sing her favorite song at the funeral, and I have to get my tears out of me before that.
I just said really simply, "How does a circle exist with only half it's center?"
I said, "I am just going to miss her."
He said, "I will take all of your tears."
I was waiting to be alone with him, but I think I might just be waiting to be alone.
And now, it's like it's so appropriate some how...
My mom is moving in with my grandpa, into her old house. It's a big old house with a big yard and they won't get in each other's way and they will probably get a dog.
And I am moving into my apartment with Jeff. No more of this house.
So we're cleaning things out, and packing things up, and setting out for different.
And it's fall, which to me has always meant new beginnings, whether good or bad.
It's like all signs are pointing to NEW LIFE CHAPTER.
You know you are officially grown up when your parent feels comfortable enough with you moving in with your (pretty much) spouse that she is moving out of your childhood home herself.
And somehow, we all ended up staying in fucking town. You know who you are.
This year needs structure, this year needs normal. This mother needs me, that father needs her.
This year is my experiment with easier, with ordinary.
Yeah, we'll see.
After that, this me needs-
This me will have her own needs. And I don't have to know what they will be yet.