And it's odd, I suppose...
But I think I am a more private person than I realized.
In ways that are not obvious.
I am an extremely open strangely private person.
Indeed. (?)
I do and I do not tell people how I feel about things.
Out pours of emotion make me see that I sheild more than I thought.
Perhaps because I think it's hopeless and no one will understand, or more accurately, that no one can fully relate?
Perhaps because concerns are more petty in one's head?
The funniest part is I just thought about deleting this for being too presonal, or for sounding bizarre.
oooohhh my.
I mean, I guess, that I can only see flaws in my life that aren't actually flaws in my life but huge problems in the world at large, ever-present, that affect my life.
And that isn't really something one talks about, but it seems to be often in my thoughts.
Once, I read some one else's live journal and they spoke of thinking of starving people, and the environment, and gay's and women's oppression, and "does any one else ever think about this?"
And I thought it to be utterly pretentious.
Because of course other people think about it, no use playing the martyr and besides, thinking is not doing, so it's not as though you're somehow good for thinking of people that are less fortunate, or of things that need to be helped. You're not acting on a thought by having a thought. Which, (uh-oh, this is becoming a digression) is not to say that having thoughts is futile or stupid, but that one doesn't have a claim to any kind of moral high ground by literally doing nothing more than thinking about something.
Dear God.
The point, which is now practically lost, is that I feel trapped by this lifestyle, alot. By pavement and jobs and this thing people in stupid places we call the developed world refer to as "reality", which actually is the farthest thing from it. And I feel like I don't live what I say or what I think, yet, but that I'm trying, and that I know alot of people who are. I feel like I always have to explain that I'm not trying to single myself out, or make it seem like I'm alone in thinking this way, because I don't, I'm not, and I wish that people would know that, that I know so many people who love and support me. I'm not having a pity party. I just I feel like I want a place. A place where it's okay to be who I am, where other people don't want to argue with me for wanting people to have rights, for living things to be left alone. Where me being alive doesn't mean that I'm some huge "radical" on display for criticism.
Contrary to the way it sounds, this is an optimistic feeling, because I know I'll find it.
And I would say more, but I have to leave.
This post makes me a little nervous. I don't want it to cause feelings contrary to it's nature.
In ways that are not obvious.
I am an extremely open strangely private person.
Indeed. (?)
I do and I do not tell people how I feel about things.
Out pours of emotion make me see that I sheild more than I thought.
Perhaps because I think it's hopeless and no one will understand, or more accurately, that no one can fully relate?
Perhaps because concerns are more petty in one's head?
The funniest part is I just thought about deleting this for being too presonal, or for sounding bizarre.
oooohhh my.
I mean, I guess, that I can only see flaws in my life that aren't actually flaws in my life but huge problems in the world at large, ever-present, that affect my life.
And that isn't really something one talks about, but it seems to be often in my thoughts.
Once, I read some one else's live journal and they spoke of thinking of starving people, and the environment, and gay's and women's oppression, and "does any one else ever think about this?"
And I thought it to be utterly pretentious.
Because of course other people think about it, no use playing the martyr and besides, thinking is not doing, so it's not as though you're somehow good for thinking of people that are less fortunate, or of things that need to be helped. You're not acting on a thought by having a thought. Which, (uh-oh, this is becoming a digression) is not to say that having thoughts is futile or stupid, but that one doesn't have a claim to any kind of moral high ground by literally doing nothing more than thinking about something.
Dear God.
The point, which is now practically lost, is that I feel trapped by this lifestyle, alot. By pavement and jobs and this thing people in stupid places we call the developed world refer to as "reality", which actually is the farthest thing from it. And I feel like I don't live what I say or what I think, yet, but that I'm trying, and that I know alot of people who are. I feel like I always have to explain that I'm not trying to single myself out, or make it seem like I'm alone in thinking this way, because I don't, I'm not, and I wish that people would know that, that I know so many people who love and support me. I'm not having a pity party. I just I feel like I want a place. A place where it's okay to be who I am, where other people don't want to argue with me for wanting people to have rights, for living things to be left alone. Where me being alive doesn't mean that I'm some huge "radical" on display for criticism.
Contrary to the way it sounds, this is an optimistic feeling, because I know I'll find it.
And I would say more, but I have to leave.
This post makes me a little nervous. I don't want it to cause feelings contrary to it's nature.