Dear Diary
Dear Diary,
I can no longer put on this facade that im well. The truth is im dying inside and for what reason is still unknown to me. Its insane. In a matter of minutes i transformed from my bubbly self to this emo stranger. ugh i hate it. Im still adjusting to college and learning to let go some of my attachments back home, but i must say its been extremely hard. I feel so alone. Furthermore, Im so stressed on so many levels about so many things. My head wants to explode. Even though Henry comes to visit me more often than he should, i still can't help but feel that it isn't enough. As if missing him wasn't bad enough, a part of me is always dejected because i know that he's so unhappy about how things are with himself and there's nothing i can do to fix it. boo. I miss my family the most, yet i can never quiet figure out how to fully show this to them. And when i do go home i still feel lonely..everyone's so busy with their own lives that it saddens me that im no longer really a part of it. I don't want to feel that i've moved on with my life and leaving everyone in the past behind but certain people make it difficult, or awkward to even keep in touch with people back home that sometimes i don't want to come home. (on a side note about this, i wish people would grow the hell up and save the drama for their mama's because i've been done with all that immaturity a long time ago, jealousy only creates evilness so get over yourself.)
Anyway, I found out today that my mom started a second job, so she'll be working seven days a week now. It kills me to see how much her and my dad work just to support me and my sisters which is why i told myself i'd pay for my own college expenses. Even this i feel like a failure at. I've been stressing for the past week about not being able to come up with the 1600 dollar difference for my housing payment. blah what am i saying "been stressing", im still stressing. I need a job, or maybe two.
Im so overwhelmed with everything on top of the insane amount of reading i have to do. Im taking two history courses in one quarter which is fuggin killing me. I don't know how i'd ever be able to pull this off. I don't even know if its possible for me to take on a job or two, classes and in between bf, family, friend time as well as vsu, aca, circle k.
it's only been one real full week of school, and already im complaining. im lame.
ha. 10 more days until im 18 and for some reason, this fact is depressing.
I need you so much closer
So come on, come on
I can no longer put on this facade that im well. The truth is im dying inside and for what reason is still unknown to me. Its insane. In a matter of minutes i transformed from my bubbly self to this emo stranger. ugh i hate it. Im still adjusting to college and learning to let go some of my attachments back home, but i must say its been extremely hard. I feel so alone. Furthermore, Im so stressed on so many levels about so many things. My head wants to explode. Even though Henry comes to visit me more often than he should, i still can't help but feel that it isn't enough. As if missing him wasn't bad enough, a part of me is always dejected because i know that he's so unhappy about how things are with himself and there's nothing i can do to fix it. boo. I miss my family the most, yet i can never quiet figure out how to fully show this to them. And when i do go home i still feel lonely..everyone's so busy with their own lives that it saddens me that im no longer really a part of it. I don't want to feel that i've moved on with my life and leaving everyone in the past behind but certain people make it difficult, or awkward to even keep in touch with people back home that sometimes i don't want to come home. (on a side note about this, i wish people would grow the hell up and save the drama for their mama's because i've been done with all that immaturity a long time ago, jealousy only creates evilness so get over yourself.)
Anyway, I found out today that my mom started a second job, so she'll be working seven days a week now. It kills me to see how much her and my dad work just to support me and my sisters which is why i told myself i'd pay for my own college expenses. Even this i feel like a failure at. I've been stressing for the past week about not being able to come up with the 1600 dollar difference for my housing payment. blah what am i saying "been stressing", im still stressing. I need a job, or maybe two.
Im so overwhelmed with everything on top of the insane amount of reading i have to do. Im taking two history courses in one quarter which is fuggin killing me. I don't know how i'd ever be able to pull this off. I don't even know if its possible for me to take on a job or two, classes and in between bf, family, friend time as well as vsu, aca, circle k.
it's only been one real full week of school, and already im complaining. im lame.
ha. 10 more days until im 18 and for some reason, this fact is depressing.
I need you so much closer
So come on, come on