Bathed In Every Act Of Light
I wonder sometimes if I'm a good person. When I am hurt I tend to blow things out of proportion because I get so scared, and then flip aggressive on people for it, because I'm just so fucking scared. Why am I so scared? It's ridiculous. I let myself feel the magnitude of pain that I do. I let people in too easily and I trust too much and I hurt in the end. It's not fucking fair to turn my weaknesses against other people. The only thing that comes from that is a transference of pain from me into them. And from there, only more conflict is met, and more pain.
I should be strong enough to not let this shit happen, it tears apart the closest relationships I have. And it makes me lose all confidence in who I am. I hate hurting people so much so why the hell do I feed into it? What the fuck is going on in my head that allows that to happen without a second thought? I hate it. I hate hurting people. I hate hurting her. I may have quit a lot of self-destructive cycles but it seems I have much worse ones to confront inside of me.
Only this time, I don't know how...