at last, entende
look up the lyrics to mirah's recommendation; i still don't understand, i still don't understand, and i wish i could shove it all behind me from those days of being afraid of everything and myself, even without knowing it. fears of not being cool enough, pretty enough, skinny enough, "hardcore" enough, gay enough, just goddamn not interesting enough. which is where all that buried hate came out of; i blamed you for all of this and in the end it all came pouring out of myself.
letting go is the what is hardest.
so, in other words, i have spent a fair amount of the last couple of whatevers trying to forget, burn down, some of those reactions to old actions. it hasn't worked, just made me more and more depressed. but now, i really do feel like i am moving forward. making progress, not by burning bridges, but just... walking forward, away from it all. alec showed me pictures of the new apartment yesterday, the one i will be seeing in a couple of months, and living in in many more. i'm excited. because it's like a signal beacon to a totally fresh start, away from fouled memories and stupid shit and being a fucking child. i don't know. & maybe i'm wrong, thinking like this; there is a family that lives inside me- this is the only way i can really explain it, and they don't have names, and in truth they are really only aspects, united in the end, but this is how it is.
i don't like myspace. i don't like the internet. i don't want to need it, or have to rely on it, and i hate that in some things (like buying more art supplies) it forces you into choosing between living in the real world, or saving money. this last one is a real dilemma for me.
anyway, what i'm really just trying to say is that i'm growing up, and i have no use for the internet anymore. there are other ways to contact me. my facebook profile is still up, and that has my mailing address and relevant telephone numbers (i will update it when i move to texas). my myspace profile is still there as well, so maybe you will not forget what i look like, should we pass on the street.
i'm not writing off all my friends, i'm writing off computers.
letting go is the what is hardest.
so, in other words, i have spent a fair amount of the last couple of whatevers trying to forget, burn down, some of those reactions to old actions. it hasn't worked, just made me more and more depressed. but now, i really do feel like i am moving forward. making progress, not by burning bridges, but just... walking forward, away from it all. alec showed me pictures of the new apartment yesterday, the one i will be seeing in a couple of months, and living in in many more. i'm excited. because it's like a signal beacon to a totally fresh start, away from fouled memories and stupid shit and being a fucking child. i don't know. & maybe i'm wrong, thinking like this; there is a family that lives inside me- this is the only way i can really explain it, and they don't have names, and in truth they are really only aspects, united in the end, but this is how it is.
i don't like myspace. i don't like the internet. i don't want to need it, or have to rely on it, and i hate that in some things (like buying more art supplies) it forces you into choosing between living in the real world, or saving money. this last one is a real dilemma for me.
anyway, what i'm really just trying to say is that i'm growing up, and i have no use for the internet anymore. there are other ways to contact me. my facebook profile is still up, and that has my mailing address and relevant telephone numbers (i will update it when i move to texas). my myspace profile is still there as well, so maybe you will not forget what i look like, should we pass on the street.
i'm not writing off all my friends, i'm writing off computers.