I do but I don't.
*sigh* the Christmas season. A time of joy, family, and mass consumerism...well, maybe not so much in this economy. As for me? Well, I like Christmas, but yet I don't.
I don't like all the wet crap around me (i.e: trudging to class in the SNOW!), and I don't like all the OMGIGOTTAGOGETPRESENTSBECAUSEIWILLFEELINADEQUATETOWARDSFAMILYANDFRIENDSIDONTEVENLIKESOSPENDSPENDSPEND! (is it strange that I found a small sense of pleasure in just writing that massive thing?)
I also don't like the drama associated with the holiday. Well, it's just my mom, dad, a friend of the family, and I on Christmas Eve (when we celebrate). It's usually a nice small get together, but it's always a mask to hide the dysfunction in our family. As a kid, I really liked Christmas because A.) I got toys, how awesome! and B.)my parents didn't fight so much. Flash forward to today: I'm in university, thus not home that often, my mom's alone with the dogs (and she's very happy, at least seems like it) and my dad works abroad. He usually comes home for the holidays and for some time in the summer. When my dad comes home, my mom usually has a list of things for him to do, since he's the handy one in our family and we have a renovation going on. He's complained to me that he'd just like to relax and enjoy being at home... *snirk*enjoy. He drinks, gets emotional and annoying. I feel awkward, my mom's stressed out because my dad expects everything to be in perfect, tip-tip shape when he gets home (but she's alone and works very hard at work and with the dogs, so she doesn't always have time for that).
So where does that leave me? A time of year I once enjoyed, I don't enjoy anymore. I tried to go to my family in Finland one year for Christmas... and that was even worse. Well, I'm usually just left in the middle of this drama, wishing to get out and hang out with my dwindling number of friends, who have their own families and lives to get back to. A part of me even hopes that when I start my own family someday, I can actually enjoy the holidays with people that I love, with no drama.
Yay, soon I'll be done with finals, but I have more family drama awaiting me when I go home. Which is better? I don't really know.
Maybe I'm just getting a little emotional because it's such a stressful time of year, but it still sucks ASS.
maybe I SHOULD move abroad when I graduate and not look back...
I don't like all the wet crap around me (i.e: trudging to class in the SNOW!), and I don't like all the OMGIGOTTAGOGETPRESENTSBECAUSEIWILLFEELINADEQUATETOWARDSFAMILYANDFRIENDSIDONTEVENLIKESOSPENDSPENDSPEND! (is it strange that I found a small sense of pleasure in just writing that massive thing?)
I also don't like the drama associated with the holiday. Well, it's just my mom, dad, a friend of the family, and I on Christmas Eve (when we celebrate). It's usually a nice small get together, but it's always a mask to hide the dysfunction in our family. As a kid, I really liked Christmas because A.) I got toys, how awesome! and B.)my parents didn't fight so much. Flash forward to today: I'm in university, thus not home that often, my mom's alone with the dogs (and she's very happy, at least seems like it) and my dad works abroad. He usually comes home for the holidays and for some time in the summer. When my dad comes home, my mom usually has a list of things for him to do, since he's the handy one in our family and we have a renovation going on. He's complained to me that he'd just like to relax and enjoy being at home... *snirk*enjoy. He drinks, gets emotional and annoying. I feel awkward, my mom's stressed out because my dad expects everything to be in perfect, tip-tip shape when he gets home (but she's alone and works very hard at work and with the dogs, so she doesn't always have time for that).
So where does that leave me? A time of year I once enjoyed, I don't enjoy anymore. I tried to go to my family in Finland one year for Christmas... and that was even worse. Well, I'm usually just left in the middle of this drama, wishing to get out and hang out with my dwindling number of friends, who have their own families and lives to get back to. A part of me even hopes that when I start my own family someday, I can actually enjoy the holidays with people that I love, with no drama.
Yay, soon I'll be done with finals, but I have more family drama awaiting me when I go home. Which is better? I don't really know.
Maybe I'm just getting a little emotional because it's such a stressful time of year, but it still sucks ASS.
maybe I SHOULD move abroad when I graduate and not look back...