There would be no quick get away...
This is Gus part 5. For the other parts, look here.
Jimmy Deakins found a small white box on his desk when he arrived at work. After determining it was much too small to contain an explosive device of any consequence, he opened it. Inside was a single key on a heavy sterling key ring. Underneath the key was a handwritten note on fine grey paper.
Jimmy,
You said I couldn't change your mind the night you called and I know I may never be able to. I know full well I should never try. Despite that, I want you to know that you are always welcome in my home and in my life. Even if all we can ever do hold each other and talk about might have been, you are welcome. If you can ever find a way for us to have more, I will do everything in my power to make you happy.
Use the key anytime.
--Alex
He read the note over and again before folding it and putting it in his desk. Without looking out at her, he took out his keys and added the ring to it. He never acknowledged the gift beyond jangling his key ring later that day while standing beside her desk. Watching her drop her head so her hair covered the sudden blush gave him a sharp thrill.
After that, he made himself forget about the key. He would never be able to use it, but having it was a comfort. Having it was a promise that the words they'd spoken to each other and the moment of intimacy stolen were as important to her as they were to him.
A few nights later his house was quiet. The girls were either gone or busy in their rooms. Angie had retreated to their bedroom with a book and a headache. Stretched out in his chair in his den, he finally allowed himself the time to think about the extra key. He pulled his key ring out of his pocket and set it on his belly, fingering the silver circle. At first he only considered the simplest part-being able to be alone with her in a quiet place. The way he'd described coming home to her and watching her. He watched her often enough to know how she moved when she thought no one was paying attention. She chewed on her lip. She hid behind her hair. She smiled at unexpected thoughts, fleeting moments that transformed her face.
Once he had the image of her clearly in his mind, he tightened his hand around the key and let out a long sigh. Instead of the sharp metal in his hand he felt her silky hair. He could almost smell her and his breathing turned ragged as he imagined pulling her into a deep kiss. She wrapped her arms around his neck and held him tightly. The longer this kiss went on the harder she pressed her body against his until he gave in and bent to lift her off the ground.
He'd only been to her place once, dropping an exhausted Alex off after days on the job without a break. He knew the layout just well enough to carry her to her bedroom without direction, keeping her in the deep kiss. Laying her comfortably on the bed, he undressed her as best he could without breaking the kiss for more than a moment.
His hand convulsed around the key, the edges biting into his skin. She was a beautiful woman and the idea that she would present herself to him this way took his breath away. Despite having her beg him to please her, despite having her give him a key to her home, the fact that this dry and generous woman would be willing to have anything to do with him continued to amaze him. He could not offer her a full relationship and yet she continued to invite and accept him.
He remembered her tight heat around his fingers and felt himself harden. Keeping the key in one hand, his other dropped to his crotch. He rubbed himself through his slacks and groaned at the contact. He hadn't let her touch him. He knew intimately what it felt like to have her come around his fingers, under his touch, because of him. And he'd never let her touch him.
If he went to her, if he took her up on this amazing offer, would he let her touch him? Would he feel her hand on his cock? He undid his pants and slid his hand in, getting past his boxers to wrap his hand around his erection. He could feel her breath against his neck and her body against his as he stroked himself. Her rich smell filled his senses and he bucked on the chair as if seeking her.
It was more than her touch he craved, though, as his climax approached. He wanted to hear her say the things she'd said to him before-that he was worthy and desirable. He wanted to hear her say the thing he'd imagined her saying when he spoke to her on the phone-that she loved him. He groaned loudly and came with a shudder.
When he settled, he looked down at the hand holding the key. He'd gripped it so tightly he'd cut his palm.
Two weeks later Alex and Goren closed yet another case that involved Nicole Wallace. After the child was discovered safe and all the paperwork complete, he watched Alex drag her partner out of the squad room. They both looked exhausted and he heard Alex promise that yes, she'd go straight home to bed…as soon as she dropped Goren off. A half hour later he pulled his keys out to unlock a cabinet and the silver key ring she'd given him caught his eye.
He leaned against the cabinet for a long time, contemplating his options. Angie and the girls didn't expect him. He'd already called home to say he was working late to clear the paperwork that still confronted him. What he should do was sit back down at his desk and finish his work. What he could do was pack it all in and go home, surprising Angie. What he wanted to do, of course, was to go to Alex's and wrap his arms around her. For as much as she knew Goren needed a little extra attention after dealing with Wallace, he knew she would need the attention after settling Goren.
With a low groan he went back to sit at his desk and stare at the phone. Maybe she wasn't even home. She might have taken him out for a drink or gone to her sister's as she often did when stressed. There was also the very real possibility she just wanted to sleep and forget all of them. When he lifted the phone he'd talked himself into expecting her voice mail.
Instead a very sleepy voice answered. "Eames."
He had to swallow hard before he could answer. "If a man were to use his key to come into your home, would you shoot him for trespassing?"
There was a long pause on the other end where all he could hear was her breathing. Her answer was soft and amused. "I would only shoot him if he woke me up. If he came in and crawled into bed with me, held me while I slept, he'd be pretty safe."
He exhaled slowly. "I think he can manage that." He hung up and stared at the phone for another long while before getting his coat and heading out.
He turned the key slowly as if he expected something to explode when the lock disengaged. The door opened easily and he entered her home with a soft sigh. Once inside he locked the door behind him, took off his coat and hung it up, putting his shoes beneath it, with his socks tucked in. After a moment's hesitation he stripped off his jacket, tie, belt, and well as his gun and badge. There would be no quick get away.
Without turning on any lights, he made his way to her bedroom and stood in the doorway watching her. She'd fallen back to sleep on her side with one hand under her cheek. Her face still held its native intelligence and strength in sleep, but there was a softness to it. He'd seen an expression similar to it when she interviewed victims, but this held a shadow of the open vulnerability he'd seen when he touched her.
He crossed the room and slid into the bed behind her. She shifted toward him, taking his hand and pulling him closer with a soft moan. He kissed her hair and whispered her name. Smiling, she nodded and snuggled in tight against him then slipped back to sleep.
He stayed as long as he could, his eyes never leaving her face. Through her cycles of dreaming and quiet sleep, he burned the memory of every moment into his mind, knowing there was no guarantee he would ever have the chance to be with her this way again. He left before she woke after kissing her hair and whispering her name in a voice filled with longing.
Jimmy Deakins found a small white box on his desk when he arrived at work. After determining it was much too small to contain an explosive device of any consequence, he opened it. Inside was a single key on a heavy sterling key ring. Underneath the key was a handwritten note on fine grey paper.
Jimmy,
You said I couldn't change your mind the night you called and I know I may never be able to. I know full well I should never try. Despite that, I want you to know that you are always welcome in my home and in my life. Even if all we can ever do hold each other and talk about might have been, you are welcome. If you can ever find a way for us to have more, I will do everything in my power to make you happy.
Use the key anytime.
--Alex
He read the note over and again before folding it and putting it in his desk. Without looking out at her, he took out his keys and added the ring to it. He never acknowledged the gift beyond jangling his key ring later that day while standing beside her desk. Watching her drop her head so her hair covered the sudden blush gave him a sharp thrill.
After that, he made himself forget about the key. He would never be able to use it, but having it was a comfort. Having it was a promise that the words they'd spoken to each other and the moment of intimacy stolen were as important to her as they were to him.
A few nights later his house was quiet. The girls were either gone or busy in their rooms. Angie had retreated to their bedroom with a book and a headache. Stretched out in his chair in his den, he finally allowed himself the time to think about the extra key. He pulled his key ring out of his pocket and set it on his belly, fingering the silver circle. At first he only considered the simplest part-being able to be alone with her in a quiet place. The way he'd described coming home to her and watching her. He watched her often enough to know how she moved when she thought no one was paying attention. She chewed on her lip. She hid behind her hair. She smiled at unexpected thoughts, fleeting moments that transformed her face.
Once he had the image of her clearly in his mind, he tightened his hand around the key and let out a long sigh. Instead of the sharp metal in his hand he felt her silky hair. He could almost smell her and his breathing turned ragged as he imagined pulling her into a deep kiss. She wrapped her arms around his neck and held him tightly. The longer this kiss went on the harder she pressed her body against his until he gave in and bent to lift her off the ground.
He'd only been to her place once, dropping an exhausted Alex off after days on the job without a break. He knew the layout just well enough to carry her to her bedroom without direction, keeping her in the deep kiss. Laying her comfortably on the bed, he undressed her as best he could without breaking the kiss for more than a moment.
His hand convulsed around the key, the edges biting into his skin. She was a beautiful woman and the idea that she would present herself to him this way took his breath away. Despite having her beg him to please her, despite having her give him a key to her home, the fact that this dry and generous woman would be willing to have anything to do with him continued to amaze him. He could not offer her a full relationship and yet she continued to invite and accept him.
He remembered her tight heat around his fingers and felt himself harden. Keeping the key in one hand, his other dropped to his crotch. He rubbed himself through his slacks and groaned at the contact. He hadn't let her touch him. He knew intimately what it felt like to have her come around his fingers, under his touch, because of him. And he'd never let her touch him.
If he went to her, if he took her up on this amazing offer, would he let her touch him? Would he feel her hand on his cock? He undid his pants and slid his hand in, getting past his boxers to wrap his hand around his erection. He could feel her breath against his neck and her body against his as he stroked himself. Her rich smell filled his senses and he bucked on the chair as if seeking her.
It was more than her touch he craved, though, as his climax approached. He wanted to hear her say the things she'd said to him before-that he was worthy and desirable. He wanted to hear her say the thing he'd imagined her saying when he spoke to her on the phone-that she loved him. He groaned loudly and came with a shudder.
When he settled, he looked down at the hand holding the key. He'd gripped it so tightly he'd cut his palm.
Two weeks later Alex and Goren closed yet another case that involved Nicole Wallace. After the child was discovered safe and all the paperwork complete, he watched Alex drag her partner out of the squad room. They both looked exhausted and he heard Alex promise that yes, she'd go straight home to bed…as soon as she dropped Goren off. A half hour later he pulled his keys out to unlock a cabinet and the silver key ring she'd given him caught his eye.
He leaned against the cabinet for a long time, contemplating his options. Angie and the girls didn't expect him. He'd already called home to say he was working late to clear the paperwork that still confronted him. What he should do was sit back down at his desk and finish his work. What he could do was pack it all in and go home, surprising Angie. What he wanted to do, of course, was to go to Alex's and wrap his arms around her. For as much as she knew Goren needed a little extra attention after dealing with Wallace, he knew she would need the attention after settling Goren.
With a low groan he went back to sit at his desk and stare at the phone. Maybe she wasn't even home. She might have taken him out for a drink or gone to her sister's as she often did when stressed. There was also the very real possibility she just wanted to sleep and forget all of them. When he lifted the phone he'd talked himself into expecting her voice mail.
Instead a very sleepy voice answered. "Eames."
He had to swallow hard before he could answer. "If a man were to use his key to come into your home, would you shoot him for trespassing?"
There was a long pause on the other end where all he could hear was her breathing. Her answer was soft and amused. "I would only shoot him if he woke me up. If he came in and crawled into bed with me, held me while I slept, he'd be pretty safe."
He exhaled slowly. "I think he can manage that." He hung up and stared at the phone for another long while before getting his coat and heading out.
He turned the key slowly as if he expected something to explode when the lock disengaged. The door opened easily and he entered her home with a soft sigh. Once inside he locked the door behind him, took off his coat and hung it up, putting his shoes beneath it, with his socks tucked in. After a moment's hesitation he stripped off his jacket, tie, belt, and well as his gun and badge. There would be no quick get away.
Without turning on any lights, he made his way to her bedroom and stood in the doorway watching her. She'd fallen back to sleep on her side with one hand under her cheek. Her face still held its native intelligence and strength in sleep, but there was a softness to it. He'd seen an expression similar to it when she interviewed victims, but this held a shadow of the open vulnerability he'd seen when he touched her.
He crossed the room and slid into the bed behind her. She shifted toward him, taking his hand and pulling him closer with a soft moan. He kissed her hair and whispered her name. Smiling, she nodded and snuggled in tight against him then slipped back to sleep.
He stayed as long as he could, his eyes never leaving her face. Through her cycles of dreaming and quiet sleep, he burned the memory of every moment into his mind, knowing there was no guarantee he would ever have the chance to be with her this way again. He left before she woke after kissing her hair and whispering her name in a voice filled with longing.