Because sometimes you just gotta write canon
Title: Spark of Truth
Criminal Intent, Season 4 during Jimmy's bout of Bell's Palsy, just before My Good Name.
Pairing: Deakins/Eames
Rating: PG
When Jimmy Deakins looked up he realized that Eames must have been standing there for a while. She leaned against the door frame with one arm crossed over her belly. She hadn’t dressed to leave and looked the way he always pictured her-in jeans and a tank top with her weapon hanging hugely on her petite frame. She watched him, head canted and a satisfied grin brightening her face.
“If I ask how long, I’m going to be very embarrassed aren’t I?” He shook his head with mock resignation and sat back in his chair. “I’m getting old.”
She laughed and straightened to her full height. “Hardly. I’m just small and easy to miss.”
Now it was his turn to laugh. “Hardly.” Jimmy glanced at his watch. “I know what I’m still doing here. Why haven’t you left yet?” Cocking his head, he looked past her toward Goren’s desk. “Your partner has gone, I see.”
She shrugged. “He left a little early to see his mom. And before you ask, no, I have no plans for a Friday night.”
“That surprises me. I thought you were the squad’s social butterfly.” He waved her in and pointed to a chair.
“You did? I really think Daniels gets more play than I do.” She watched his reaction with a straight face as she took a seat. Daniels was six months from retirement, had false teeth and a bad toupee. He was a damn fine detective but not an attractive man.
He considered that with a small smile. “You think so? Hmm, must be his suits. He’s a very snappy dresser.”
Alex pictured Daniels’ suit for that day-light blue polyester that was popular just before she lost her virginity-and shuddered hard. “Yeah, boss, that’s got to be it.” She shot him a look of both annoyance at being bested and appreciation at the very same thing before asking, “So what does keep you here? Usually you bolt out of here on a Friday night.”
“It the annual shopping trip.”
She blinked. “It’s the annual what?”
He grinned. “My mother-in-law takes Angie and the girls shopping all day one Saturday in the fall. ALL day. It’s an indulgence for her and it keeps her out of my hair the rest of the year about getting them things.”
“Sounds fun. But what does it have to do with tonight?” Before he could answer she put her hand up. “They sleep over to get an early start.”
Laughing, he nodded, pleased with her deduction. “Yes. No time wasted meeting up. They take this very seriously.”
“I’m sure. And it leaves you the house all to yourself. Must be nice to get a break from all those women.”
His expression clouded and cleared so fast she wasn’t sure she’d seen it correctly. “I love my girls. And I don’t see them as much as I’d like with the job as it is. One of those things that makes sense in theory.”
Pursing her lips, Alex considered a moment before speaking softly. “What with being sick lately, I’d think you’ve wanted to be closer to your family, even more than usual.” The guarded look returned, much more obvious now, and he stood, walking to the window and looking out at the rapidly darkening sky. When she realized he wasn’t going to respond, she frowned. “I’m sorry. I spoke out of turn.”
“No.” He shook his head slowly but didn’t look back. “You didn’t. Wouldn’t expect you not to catch it.”
Deakins had always been familiar with his detectives, sharing stories about his family and encouraging them to share about theirs. The squad felt like a home which made for a good work environment, but he kept just enough distance between himself and the others to maintain professionalism. Given that she had a pretty idea where this was going, Alex knew she was intruding. “You don’t need to tell me.”
“It’s hardly original. My wife is concerned for me. Rather than let me see her concern, she’s withdrawn from me.” His voice was flat but she could see the pain in the set of his shoulders.
“That’s not fair.” Alex spoke softly. “You are supposed to share things like that. Both admit your fears and support each other.” Her voice held a note of sadness. “By keeping that back, you don’t get the chance to say what you need to.”
He turned to her, surprised by her tone, if not her insight. “Yes, exactly.” He leaned against the window and smiled faintly. “I can’t blame her, but it does make a difficult situation harder.” The smile faded. “Already feeling less than a man, doesn’t help when she can barely-“ He stopped suddenly and looked away.
“That’s not what it is.” Now it was her turn to look away, knowing she’d said more than she meant to. She took a very deep breath and spoke while she kept her eyes on the floor. “I don’t believe that she thinks you are less of a man. Even when it first happened, you didn’t become that.”
It took him a moment to understand what she’d said. His first impulse was to joke it away. “Come on now, Alex, I’m just a broken down old cop.”
All she said was a soft and firm, “No.”
He nodded slowly, watching her. “Thank you. It means a lot to know that someone I admire thinks kindly of me.”
She stood and shook her head, finally meeting his eyes. “It’s not about thinking kindly, Cap-- Jimmy. It’s about seeing something that I wish you could see.”
His head dropped and he sighed. “I’m not seeing things very well these days, down an eye like I am.” He felt rather than saw her tense. “Alex, will you have dinner with me tonight?” When she raised her head to look at him he lowered his voice. “Will you? Show an old man he’s not worthless?”
An hour later they sat at a local pub, burgers and chips plus a beer in front of each of them. Conversation on the walk over had been significantly lighter. He’d asked about her nephew and she’d asked for updates on his girls. They’d also discussed how Ron Carver had reacted to a recent interrogation she and Goren had conducted. He’d promised her a report on it, but with one thing and another he’d never gotten to it. Within minutes he had her laughing so hard she had to put her hand on his arm to keep from stumbling.
He watched her eat, pleased that she’d enjoyed herself on the walk over. He’d felt badly about upsetting her with intimacies he really should have kept to himself. Not afraid to show his humanity, he still didn’t want to burden someone with his problems. It was enough to sit in public with a beautiful woman, a beautiful younger woman no less. He caught at least two men eyeing her and felt a surge of pure masculine pride.
“I’m going to steal your pickle in a minute if you don’t eat something.”
He looked at her in surprise, then handed her the pickle, laughing. “Enjoy it.”
“Thanks.” She took a bite. “You’ve been staring.”
He nodded. “Yeah. Sorry.”
“No problem. I can turn, give you a different view.”
He laughed. “Oh, no, I’m fine. But you might want to turn a little to your right. The guy in the booth over there has been trying to get a better look at your figure since we walked in.”
She turned with a smirk until he nodded that she was in a better position. “I wouldn’t want to disappoint my fans.”
“I have a hard time imagining you disappointing anyone, Alex.”
His voice was gentle, and she was stunned to find herself blushing. She took a deep breath and met his eyes. As nice an interlude as they’d had on the walk over, something had come up in his office, and they were going to have to address it. “And I have a hard time imagining that Angie or any other woman who knows you at all would think that makes you any less of a man.”
He put a hand up to his face, touching the black patch over his eye. “What woman wants to see her husband scared? Or in pain? And what if this doesn’t go away? I’ve had to look at what I’d do in the private sector if it doesn’t. Years of work thrown away.” He dropped his hand and looked away. “She shouldn’t have to deal with the uncertainty.”
Pursing her lips, Alex put her hand on his. “I understand the uncertainty being hard, but if neither of you talk to the other… The uncertainty isn’t what you were talking about, though. All of life is that, doubly so when your job involves guns.” She swallowed before continuing, knowing she was walking on thin ice. “You were talking about feeling like a whole man. That’s something different.”
He looked down at their hands, her small and slim one on his larger, calloused one. All he had to do was turn his hand under hers and he could clasp it and take strength from her. She was offering him friendship, compassion. Why didn’t he take it? “I’m not a whole man right now, though, am I?”
She sighed. “I know you know better than to think a man is measured by a temporary disability. Or even a permanent one.”
He nodded but didn’t answer; his gaze still on their hands.
She watched him for a minute before continuing. “It’s more than that. You are a smart guy; you know you could find a job outside the force if you had to. You know your girls love you and can depend on you no matter what. So what is upsetting you this much?” A little surprised at her boldness, she didn’t falter. She didn’t like seeing him upset.
“What if this doesn’t go away? What if she doesn’t-decides she doesn’t want me anymore?” He spoke in a whisper, his voice betraying real fear. He should feel humiliated admitting his fear to this woman who was his subordinate, but he didn’t. He continued to watch their hands, hoping something would happen to show him his fears were groundless.
“Then she’s a fool.” Alex spoke quickly, forcefully. “You are a handsome, smart and yes, sexy man who loves his family and lives his life with a real sense of responsibility and service. Any woman would be lucky to have you, no matter if you wear a patch for the rest of your life or not.” Her conviction barreled her through the speech but when she was done she realized what she’d said and blushed hotly.
He looked up at her in surprise. Even through his upset he realized she’d just called him sexy. Watching her carefully, he waited for her to retract it. When she didn’t, even after a full minute, he dropped his eyes again and whispered, “Thank you.”
“I know it’s hard right now, but really, you haven’t stopped being the man I admire.” She closed her eyes for a moment, delicately running her fingers over his knuckles, wanting to comfort him and not sure if what she was doing might make it worse. “Still funny. Still strong and supportive of the people around you. Another man might have just taken off, gone on leave. You stayed with us.” She swallowed. “I’m glad you stayed with us.”
Now he turned his hand and took hers, enclosing it tightly. “Didn’t want to disappoint you. Not any of my detectives, but mostly you, Alex.”
She squeaked, “Me?”
Chuckling, he nodded. “Yes, you. Beyond the fact that I respect your work and your dedication, no man wants a beautiful woman to think less of him.”
She groaned. “Why would I think less of you? You are a good--- Beautiful?”
He nodded. “That’s what I said.” The chuckle returned when he saw the look on her face. “Is it that a man would consider you beautiful or that I would consider you beautiful? So far tonight you’ve called me both handsome and sexy, as well as outlining my more general virtues. I’m not sure why you are surprised that I would find you beautiful.” He shook his head, remembering her first weeks with Major Case. “I had to warn a couple of the guys away from you. Did you know that?”
Her eyes went wide. “No, really? Who?”
He shook his head. “Oh, I don’t think so. Not fair to them, after they’ve been so good about it for so long.”
“What did you say?” She didn’t let herself pay attention to the fact that he held her hand tightly or that they’d leaned toward each other.
“I pointed out that as the father of three girls I had a tendency to be very protective of the women around me and that according to your service record you were a better shot than any two of them combined.”
Laughing, she dropped her head to the table, her forehead resting on their hands. “That explains so much.”
He watched, smiling. For days after that he could see the members of the squad passing the word around that she was off limits. He’d wondered at the time if it was a wise choice but they seemed to have taken his warning with the same good humor he’d delivered it and they’d never let on to her. She’d become a full member of the Major Case family. So much so that when Goren joined the team everyone left him alone out of respect for her.
He brought his other hand up and delicately caressed her hair. She really was a beautiful woman.
Without thinking, still laughing softly, she leaned into his hand. “I wish I could have seen their faces. And you know they passed that on. I love it.” She looked up at him, chin resting on their joined hands.
She was smiling, her hair was soft under his fingers, and she held his hand easily. Despite the lingering pain, despite the lingering fears, he felt good. A night he thought would have to be spent buried in work or maybe even drink had changed to-to what? She’d lifted her head but stayed with his hand, which was now caressing her hair. She was smiling easily, still highly amused by his story, and she wasn’t moving away. Most importantly she was meeting his gaze while she smiled.
He brought his hand around slowly, off her hair and onto her cheek. She stilled but her smile didn’t fade. Delicately he ran his thumb over her lips, feeling the smile broaden against the sensitive skin of his fingertip.
Very softly, not wanting to startle her, he asked, “What would you do if I asked you to sleep with me?”
Her smile never faltered, if anything it grew broader still. “I’d remind you that your wife takes Tae Kwon Do. And that you love her madly.” She pressed her lips against his thumb in a gentle kiss, her eyes fluttering shut. “And I’d spend a fair bit of tonight cursing about how we are both better people than that. And another bit of tonight imagining what it could have been like.”
He groaned and nodded. “Yeah. She’d beat the hell out of me.”
Alex laughed. “God, how frustrating. The very things that make you so attractive mean this will never happen, don’t they?” She nuzzled his hand, kissing his fingers and palm. “In another life, maybe we would-“
“In that other life where I’m not married, I’m not your boss and your partner, who is no less protective than I am, wouldn’t kill me?” He stated the case clearly for the ever increasing tightness in his groin as much as anything. She kept kissing his palm.
“That’s the one.” She made a small noise of frustration as she nipped at his thumb. “I need to stop doing this. Not doing either of us any good.”
He swallowed. She couldn’t be more wrong. “It’s working wonders for me, Alex.” His voice was rough and the tightness was getting worse. He wouldn’t be able to stand without embarrassment soon. “Thank you for flattering an old man.”
She rolled her eyes and nipped his finger. What made smart men so stupid sometimes? “Yeah, that’s why I’m sitting here, molesting you as much as I can without feeling like a total slut, and at the same time trying not to squirm in my chair.” Closing her eyes, she rubbed against his hand and made the same frustrated little whimper. “I do this with all my friends who are feeling down.” She turned her head and kissed his palm, speaking the next words into his skin. “Handsome. Smart. Honorable. Sexy. In that other life I’d be dragging you home and doing what I could to keep you there.”
“Even now? Even with-“ He couldn’t bring himself to ask.
She sighed deeply. “All this time we’ve worked together and when do I tell you that I’m attracted to you? I’m not big on pity fu-“ She stopped and bit her lip. “I wouldn’t say it, or do it, if it weren’t true.”
Laughing softly at her slip, he ran his thumb over her lips again. ‘In another life you wouldn’t have to drag me.” He leaned in close and said in a low voice. “I’d carry you off over my shoulder and keep you in bed for days at a time. I’d do everything in my power to be sure you were happy and satisfied.” He moved in closer, bringing his lips closer and closer to hers. At the last moment he turned and kissed her cheek before whispering in her ear. “I wouldn’t want to disappoint you, after all.”
She whimpered and rested her head on his. “You wouldn’t. You never have.”
They stayed that way for a long while, his fingers paying over her lips while theirs heads touched. Finally, reluctantly, they moved apart. He dropped his hand from her cheek but kept his other hand on hers. “Will you do something for me?” When she nodded he smiled. “Some night, when you are alone and feeling low, think of me? Think-think of what would be in that other life?”
She shivered hard and nodded. “Days in bed? You and me and no disappointments or regrets? Yes, I will, if you promise to do the same.”
He groaned and looked down at their hands. “God, Alex, what the hell do you think I’m going to be doing in that house all alone tonight!”
*****
Monday came and went, and then Tuesday. It wasn’t until Wednesday that they really had a minute to talk. She stopped in his office at the end of the day, leaning on the door jam and watching him the way she had before. He noticed her almost immediately this time and waved her in.
She waited until she was seated to ask how the girl’s shopping trip had gone.
“Insane. This year was the worst I’ve seen it. Took each of them two trips to bring everything in.” He shook his head. “They were ecstatic.”
She laughed. “Sounds wonderful. I’m glad they had a good time.” She pursed her lips before asking, “And Angie? Did she have a good time, too?”
He nodded slowly. “She did.” He looked down at his hands for a moment before adding, “We had a long talk on Sunday morning.” His voice dropped to a whisper. “After spending a good part of Saturday night getting reacquainted.”
“That’s great!” Alex grinned. “I told you there was no reason to feel badly.”
He chuckled, a little embarrassed. “Yes, you did.” He took a deep breath. “I kept my word. About that night. I think it made a difference on Saturday.” He looked up at her finally. “Restored some of my confidence.”
She was surprised to feel herself blush. “That’s good. That’s very good.”
“Thank you, Alex. Thank you for being my friend.”
She nodded and stood, smiling. “Of course. It’s my pleasure.” She paused just inside the door, speaking without turning back. “I’m going to think about it again. That other life. If you don’t mind.”
“No. I don’t mind. You can rest assured that I will, too.”
She nodded again and walked out, leaving him to watch her gather her coat and leave the bullpen. After a moment he picked up the phone and dialed home. “Hey, baby. No, no, I’m leaving now. I was just wondering…is there anyone who can watch the girls tonight?” He looked again at the empty hallway. “I have a sudden urge to go dancing or something.”
Criminal Intent, Season 4 during Jimmy's bout of Bell's Palsy, just before My Good Name.
Pairing: Deakins/Eames
Rating: PG
When Jimmy Deakins looked up he realized that Eames must have been standing there for a while. She leaned against the door frame with one arm crossed over her belly. She hadn’t dressed to leave and looked the way he always pictured her-in jeans and a tank top with her weapon hanging hugely on her petite frame. She watched him, head canted and a satisfied grin brightening her face.
“If I ask how long, I’m going to be very embarrassed aren’t I?” He shook his head with mock resignation and sat back in his chair. “I’m getting old.”
She laughed and straightened to her full height. “Hardly. I’m just small and easy to miss.”
Now it was his turn to laugh. “Hardly.” Jimmy glanced at his watch. “I know what I’m still doing here. Why haven’t you left yet?” Cocking his head, he looked past her toward Goren’s desk. “Your partner has gone, I see.”
She shrugged. “He left a little early to see his mom. And before you ask, no, I have no plans for a Friday night.”
“That surprises me. I thought you were the squad’s social butterfly.” He waved her in and pointed to a chair.
“You did? I really think Daniels gets more play than I do.” She watched his reaction with a straight face as she took a seat. Daniels was six months from retirement, had false teeth and a bad toupee. He was a damn fine detective but not an attractive man.
He considered that with a small smile. “You think so? Hmm, must be his suits. He’s a very snappy dresser.”
Alex pictured Daniels’ suit for that day-light blue polyester that was popular just before she lost her virginity-and shuddered hard. “Yeah, boss, that’s got to be it.” She shot him a look of both annoyance at being bested and appreciation at the very same thing before asking, “So what does keep you here? Usually you bolt out of here on a Friday night.”
“It the annual shopping trip.”
She blinked. “It’s the annual what?”
He grinned. “My mother-in-law takes Angie and the girls shopping all day one Saturday in the fall. ALL day. It’s an indulgence for her and it keeps her out of my hair the rest of the year about getting them things.”
“Sounds fun. But what does it have to do with tonight?” Before he could answer she put her hand up. “They sleep over to get an early start.”
Laughing, he nodded, pleased with her deduction. “Yes. No time wasted meeting up. They take this very seriously.”
“I’m sure. And it leaves you the house all to yourself. Must be nice to get a break from all those women.”
His expression clouded and cleared so fast she wasn’t sure she’d seen it correctly. “I love my girls. And I don’t see them as much as I’d like with the job as it is. One of those things that makes sense in theory.”
Pursing her lips, Alex considered a moment before speaking softly. “What with being sick lately, I’d think you’ve wanted to be closer to your family, even more than usual.” The guarded look returned, much more obvious now, and he stood, walking to the window and looking out at the rapidly darkening sky. When she realized he wasn’t going to respond, she frowned. “I’m sorry. I spoke out of turn.”
“No.” He shook his head slowly but didn’t look back. “You didn’t. Wouldn’t expect you not to catch it.”
Deakins had always been familiar with his detectives, sharing stories about his family and encouraging them to share about theirs. The squad felt like a home which made for a good work environment, but he kept just enough distance between himself and the others to maintain professionalism. Given that she had a pretty idea where this was going, Alex knew she was intruding. “You don’t need to tell me.”
“It’s hardly original. My wife is concerned for me. Rather than let me see her concern, she’s withdrawn from me.” His voice was flat but she could see the pain in the set of his shoulders.
“That’s not fair.” Alex spoke softly. “You are supposed to share things like that. Both admit your fears and support each other.” Her voice held a note of sadness. “By keeping that back, you don’t get the chance to say what you need to.”
He turned to her, surprised by her tone, if not her insight. “Yes, exactly.” He leaned against the window and smiled faintly. “I can’t blame her, but it does make a difficult situation harder.” The smile faded. “Already feeling less than a man, doesn’t help when she can barely-“ He stopped suddenly and looked away.
“That’s not what it is.” Now it was her turn to look away, knowing she’d said more than she meant to. She took a very deep breath and spoke while she kept her eyes on the floor. “I don’t believe that she thinks you are less of a man. Even when it first happened, you didn’t become that.”
It took him a moment to understand what she’d said. His first impulse was to joke it away. “Come on now, Alex, I’m just a broken down old cop.”
All she said was a soft and firm, “No.”
He nodded slowly, watching her. “Thank you. It means a lot to know that someone I admire thinks kindly of me.”
She stood and shook her head, finally meeting his eyes. “It’s not about thinking kindly, Cap-- Jimmy. It’s about seeing something that I wish you could see.”
His head dropped and he sighed. “I’m not seeing things very well these days, down an eye like I am.” He felt rather than saw her tense. “Alex, will you have dinner with me tonight?” When she raised her head to look at him he lowered his voice. “Will you? Show an old man he’s not worthless?”
An hour later they sat at a local pub, burgers and chips plus a beer in front of each of them. Conversation on the walk over had been significantly lighter. He’d asked about her nephew and she’d asked for updates on his girls. They’d also discussed how Ron Carver had reacted to a recent interrogation she and Goren had conducted. He’d promised her a report on it, but with one thing and another he’d never gotten to it. Within minutes he had her laughing so hard she had to put her hand on his arm to keep from stumbling.
He watched her eat, pleased that she’d enjoyed herself on the walk over. He’d felt badly about upsetting her with intimacies he really should have kept to himself. Not afraid to show his humanity, he still didn’t want to burden someone with his problems. It was enough to sit in public with a beautiful woman, a beautiful younger woman no less. He caught at least two men eyeing her and felt a surge of pure masculine pride.
“I’m going to steal your pickle in a minute if you don’t eat something.”
He looked at her in surprise, then handed her the pickle, laughing. “Enjoy it.”
“Thanks.” She took a bite. “You’ve been staring.”
He nodded. “Yeah. Sorry.”
“No problem. I can turn, give you a different view.”
He laughed. “Oh, no, I’m fine. But you might want to turn a little to your right. The guy in the booth over there has been trying to get a better look at your figure since we walked in.”
She turned with a smirk until he nodded that she was in a better position. “I wouldn’t want to disappoint my fans.”
“I have a hard time imagining you disappointing anyone, Alex.”
His voice was gentle, and she was stunned to find herself blushing. She took a deep breath and met his eyes. As nice an interlude as they’d had on the walk over, something had come up in his office, and they were going to have to address it. “And I have a hard time imagining that Angie or any other woman who knows you at all would think that makes you any less of a man.”
He put a hand up to his face, touching the black patch over his eye. “What woman wants to see her husband scared? Or in pain? And what if this doesn’t go away? I’ve had to look at what I’d do in the private sector if it doesn’t. Years of work thrown away.” He dropped his hand and looked away. “She shouldn’t have to deal with the uncertainty.”
Pursing her lips, Alex put her hand on his. “I understand the uncertainty being hard, but if neither of you talk to the other… The uncertainty isn’t what you were talking about, though. All of life is that, doubly so when your job involves guns.” She swallowed before continuing, knowing she was walking on thin ice. “You were talking about feeling like a whole man. That’s something different.”
He looked down at their hands, her small and slim one on his larger, calloused one. All he had to do was turn his hand under hers and he could clasp it and take strength from her. She was offering him friendship, compassion. Why didn’t he take it? “I’m not a whole man right now, though, am I?”
She sighed. “I know you know better than to think a man is measured by a temporary disability. Or even a permanent one.”
He nodded but didn’t answer; his gaze still on their hands.
She watched him for a minute before continuing. “It’s more than that. You are a smart guy; you know you could find a job outside the force if you had to. You know your girls love you and can depend on you no matter what. So what is upsetting you this much?” A little surprised at her boldness, she didn’t falter. She didn’t like seeing him upset.
“What if this doesn’t go away? What if she doesn’t-decides she doesn’t want me anymore?” He spoke in a whisper, his voice betraying real fear. He should feel humiliated admitting his fear to this woman who was his subordinate, but he didn’t. He continued to watch their hands, hoping something would happen to show him his fears were groundless.
“Then she’s a fool.” Alex spoke quickly, forcefully. “You are a handsome, smart and yes, sexy man who loves his family and lives his life with a real sense of responsibility and service. Any woman would be lucky to have you, no matter if you wear a patch for the rest of your life or not.” Her conviction barreled her through the speech but when she was done she realized what she’d said and blushed hotly.
He looked up at her in surprise. Even through his upset he realized she’d just called him sexy. Watching her carefully, he waited for her to retract it. When she didn’t, even after a full minute, he dropped his eyes again and whispered, “Thank you.”
“I know it’s hard right now, but really, you haven’t stopped being the man I admire.” She closed her eyes for a moment, delicately running her fingers over his knuckles, wanting to comfort him and not sure if what she was doing might make it worse. “Still funny. Still strong and supportive of the people around you. Another man might have just taken off, gone on leave. You stayed with us.” She swallowed. “I’m glad you stayed with us.”
Now he turned his hand and took hers, enclosing it tightly. “Didn’t want to disappoint you. Not any of my detectives, but mostly you, Alex.”
She squeaked, “Me?”
Chuckling, he nodded. “Yes, you. Beyond the fact that I respect your work and your dedication, no man wants a beautiful woman to think less of him.”
She groaned. “Why would I think less of you? You are a good--- Beautiful?”
He nodded. “That’s what I said.” The chuckle returned when he saw the look on her face. “Is it that a man would consider you beautiful or that I would consider you beautiful? So far tonight you’ve called me both handsome and sexy, as well as outlining my more general virtues. I’m not sure why you are surprised that I would find you beautiful.” He shook his head, remembering her first weeks with Major Case. “I had to warn a couple of the guys away from you. Did you know that?”
Her eyes went wide. “No, really? Who?”
He shook his head. “Oh, I don’t think so. Not fair to them, after they’ve been so good about it for so long.”
“What did you say?” She didn’t let herself pay attention to the fact that he held her hand tightly or that they’d leaned toward each other.
“I pointed out that as the father of three girls I had a tendency to be very protective of the women around me and that according to your service record you were a better shot than any two of them combined.”
Laughing, she dropped her head to the table, her forehead resting on their hands. “That explains so much.”
He watched, smiling. For days after that he could see the members of the squad passing the word around that she was off limits. He’d wondered at the time if it was a wise choice but they seemed to have taken his warning with the same good humor he’d delivered it and they’d never let on to her. She’d become a full member of the Major Case family. So much so that when Goren joined the team everyone left him alone out of respect for her.
He brought his other hand up and delicately caressed her hair. She really was a beautiful woman.
Without thinking, still laughing softly, she leaned into his hand. “I wish I could have seen their faces. And you know they passed that on. I love it.” She looked up at him, chin resting on their joined hands.
She was smiling, her hair was soft under his fingers, and she held his hand easily. Despite the lingering pain, despite the lingering fears, he felt good. A night he thought would have to be spent buried in work or maybe even drink had changed to-to what? She’d lifted her head but stayed with his hand, which was now caressing her hair. She was smiling easily, still highly amused by his story, and she wasn’t moving away. Most importantly she was meeting his gaze while she smiled.
He brought his hand around slowly, off her hair and onto her cheek. She stilled but her smile didn’t fade. Delicately he ran his thumb over her lips, feeling the smile broaden against the sensitive skin of his fingertip.
Very softly, not wanting to startle her, he asked, “What would you do if I asked you to sleep with me?”
Her smile never faltered, if anything it grew broader still. “I’d remind you that your wife takes Tae Kwon Do. And that you love her madly.” She pressed her lips against his thumb in a gentle kiss, her eyes fluttering shut. “And I’d spend a fair bit of tonight cursing about how we are both better people than that. And another bit of tonight imagining what it could have been like.”
He groaned and nodded. “Yeah. She’d beat the hell out of me.”
Alex laughed. “God, how frustrating. The very things that make you so attractive mean this will never happen, don’t they?” She nuzzled his hand, kissing his fingers and palm. “In another life, maybe we would-“
“In that other life where I’m not married, I’m not your boss and your partner, who is no less protective than I am, wouldn’t kill me?” He stated the case clearly for the ever increasing tightness in his groin as much as anything. She kept kissing his palm.
“That’s the one.” She made a small noise of frustration as she nipped at his thumb. “I need to stop doing this. Not doing either of us any good.”
He swallowed. She couldn’t be more wrong. “It’s working wonders for me, Alex.” His voice was rough and the tightness was getting worse. He wouldn’t be able to stand without embarrassment soon. “Thank you for flattering an old man.”
She rolled her eyes and nipped his finger. What made smart men so stupid sometimes? “Yeah, that’s why I’m sitting here, molesting you as much as I can without feeling like a total slut, and at the same time trying not to squirm in my chair.” Closing her eyes, she rubbed against his hand and made the same frustrated little whimper. “I do this with all my friends who are feeling down.” She turned her head and kissed his palm, speaking the next words into his skin. “Handsome. Smart. Honorable. Sexy. In that other life I’d be dragging you home and doing what I could to keep you there.”
“Even now? Even with-“ He couldn’t bring himself to ask.
She sighed deeply. “All this time we’ve worked together and when do I tell you that I’m attracted to you? I’m not big on pity fu-“ She stopped and bit her lip. “I wouldn’t say it, or do it, if it weren’t true.”
Laughing softly at her slip, he ran his thumb over her lips again. ‘In another life you wouldn’t have to drag me.” He leaned in close and said in a low voice. “I’d carry you off over my shoulder and keep you in bed for days at a time. I’d do everything in my power to be sure you were happy and satisfied.” He moved in closer, bringing his lips closer and closer to hers. At the last moment he turned and kissed her cheek before whispering in her ear. “I wouldn’t want to disappoint you, after all.”
She whimpered and rested her head on his. “You wouldn’t. You never have.”
They stayed that way for a long while, his fingers paying over her lips while theirs heads touched. Finally, reluctantly, they moved apart. He dropped his hand from her cheek but kept his other hand on hers. “Will you do something for me?” When she nodded he smiled. “Some night, when you are alone and feeling low, think of me? Think-think of what would be in that other life?”
She shivered hard and nodded. “Days in bed? You and me and no disappointments or regrets? Yes, I will, if you promise to do the same.”
He groaned and looked down at their hands. “God, Alex, what the hell do you think I’m going to be doing in that house all alone tonight!”
*****
Monday came and went, and then Tuesday. It wasn’t until Wednesday that they really had a minute to talk. She stopped in his office at the end of the day, leaning on the door jam and watching him the way she had before. He noticed her almost immediately this time and waved her in.
She waited until she was seated to ask how the girl’s shopping trip had gone.
“Insane. This year was the worst I’ve seen it. Took each of them two trips to bring everything in.” He shook his head. “They were ecstatic.”
She laughed. “Sounds wonderful. I’m glad they had a good time.” She pursed her lips before asking, “And Angie? Did she have a good time, too?”
He nodded slowly. “She did.” He looked down at his hands for a moment before adding, “We had a long talk on Sunday morning.” His voice dropped to a whisper. “After spending a good part of Saturday night getting reacquainted.”
“That’s great!” Alex grinned. “I told you there was no reason to feel badly.”
He chuckled, a little embarrassed. “Yes, you did.” He took a deep breath. “I kept my word. About that night. I think it made a difference on Saturday.” He looked up at her finally. “Restored some of my confidence.”
She was surprised to feel herself blush. “That’s good. That’s very good.”
“Thank you, Alex. Thank you for being my friend.”
She nodded and stood, smiling. “Of course. It’s my pleasure.” She paused just inside the door, speaking without turning back. “I’m going to think about it again. That other life. If you don’t mind.”
“No. I don’t mind. You can rest assured that I will, too.”
She nodded again and walked out, leaving him to watch her gather her coat and leave the bullpen. After a moment he picked up the phone and dialed home. “Hey, baby. No, no, I’m leaving now. I was just wondering…is there anyone who can watch the girls tonight?” He looked again at the empty hallway. “I have a sudden urge to go dancing or something.”