film review
Elizabeth - The Golden Age
I loved Elizabeth the film the first time over and have had a long term crush on Elizabeth I every since I was eight, so I was dying to see this. Plus, she's from the time that monarchy was natural and right *and not populated by wankers. Unfortunately though, it's crap. Why?
- Elizabeth instead of being shown as the fierce politician and imperial leader that she was, is now just a hand-wringing, feeble person who spends her time either ineffectively worrying about armadas or running around like a 14 year old after the repulsive Clive Owen. And it pisses me off that one of the unanimously best monarchs England ever had was reduced to some sort of Mills & Boon character because she's a woman.
- God, I hate Clive Owen, the single least attractive human being on the planet.
- Where was the game of bowls before the armada and all that?
- THE LINE THE LINE SHE DIDN'T SAY THE LINE about the heart and stomach of a king! Why the hell not? Screw you, stupid film. Screw you to hell and back. That's all I was waiting for.
- A DOP that was seriously out of control. Ok, it was a visually stunning film (and amazing wardrobe yay!) but sometimes you just had the impression of a camera team depserately trying to outdo each other with the artsiness of the next shot. White horses leaping from a burning fireship? Sort of cool. Man on deathbed viewed from above through the tiny curlicue of a gothic piece of stonework? Get over yourselves, you pointless wankers.
I love you, Elizabeth. Don't let the wankers get you down.
*I don't really think this.
I loved Elizabeth the film the first time over and have had a long term crush on Elizabeth I every since I was eight, so I was dying to see this. Plus, she's from the time that monarchy was natural and right *and not populated by wankers. Unfortunately though, it's crap. Why?
- Elizabeth instead of being shown as the fierce politician and imperial leader that she was, is now just a hand-wringing, feeble person who spends her time either ineffectively worrying about armadas or running around like a 14 year old after the repulsive Clive Owen. And it pisses me off that one of the unanimously best monarchs England ever had was reduced to some sort of Mills & Boon character because she's a woman.
- God, I hate Clive Owen, the single least attractive human being on the planet.
- Where was the game of bowls before the armada and all that?
- THE LINE THE LINE SHE DIDN'T SAY THE LINE about the heart and stomach of a king! Why the hell not? Screw you, stupid film. Screw you to hell and back. That's all I was waiting for.
- A DOP that was seriously out of control. Ok, it was a visually stunning film (and amazing wardrobe yay!) but sometimes you just had the impression of a camera team depserately trying to outdo each other with the artsiness of the next shot. White horses leaping from a burning fireship? Sort of cool. Man on deathbed viewed from above through the tiny curlicue of a gothic piece of stonework? Get over yourselves, you pointless wankers.
I love you, Elizabeth. Don't let the wankers get you down.
*I don't really think this.