the teaches of peaches.
I'm reading the ES magazine and have come across 'Peaches Teaches'. Peaches Teaches is an advice column. Sorry if you knew this, I've been out of the country and would normally avoid reading the Evening Standard like I avoid drinking arsenic. Peaches Geldof has been selected, above all other human beings on this planet (think about that for a second. Just think about it.) to advise on the problems of the ES magazine's readership.
Of course you can argue that Peaches' unusual upbringing as the socialite daughter of the Saviour of Africa Bob Geldof gives her some life experience that is worth transmitting despite her tender years and her limited ability to demonstrate usefulness or even interest in any realm whatsoever. Things Peaches is good at: wearing clothes. Having boyfriends in failed bands. Being in photographs. Of course, some people are useless but endlessly fascinating in general, the kind of people whose outstanding wit, charisma, style, or humanity has no obvious single purpose, meaning they end up with job titles like 'cultural commentator' or 'muse' or 'intellectual'. Perhaps this is Peaches, who is no stranger to controversy: after all, in a moment of searing class critique she did once say that Trinny and Susannah are 'upper-class bitches'! Comrades, it's good to know that Peaches, heiress and frequent resident of the Mayfair hotel, is on our side.
And it's not the only astonishingly unqualified advice column out there, even though Peaches makes the thirty year long career of broadcasting vapidity that is the chief characteristic of Mariella Frostrup's experience, look like she's the fucking Professor Emeritus of the University of Life. Things Mariella Frostrup is good at: being blonde. Having a gravelly voice. Asking celebrities things like: 'How are you?'. At least Mariella at the Observer gives out good solid advice, mostly using the evidence of 'reading between the lines' to tell women that they are probably just fat, whining bores, and that he's not going to stop cheating on you if you look like a whale you know.
So looking at the featured question of this week's 'Peaches Teaches', a reader, who is not made up at all, asks: 'Do you have any tips and suggestions for what I should call my baby?'
As we can add 'unusual names' as one of the things Peaches is experienced in, we should listen to the advice. What does Peaches suggest? 'Why not buy one of those 'modern baby names' books, which have beautiful and unusual names.'
I look forward to the next captivating advice columns, where readers ask questions like: 'What clothes should I wear this season?' and Peaches replies 'Why not pick up one of those 'clothing catalogues', which have lots of beautiful clothes in them'. Or someone asks: 'What shall I do about my career?' and Peaches says 'Why not go to one of those 'career counsellors', which have lots of interesting careers for you.' Or: 'My boyfriend is cheating on me, what shall I do?' to which Peaches will reply 'Why not write to one of those 'magazines', which have advice columns in them ... oh, wait.'
Of course you can argue that Peaches' unusual upbringing as the socialite daughter of the Saviour of Africa Bob Geldof gives her some life experience that is worth transmitting despite her tender years and her limited ability to demonstrate usefulness or even interest in any realm whatsoever. Things Peaches is good at: wearing clothes. Having boyfriends in failed bands. Being in photographs. Of course, some people are useless but endlessly fascinating in general, the kind of people whose outstanding wit, charisma, style, or humanity has no obvious single purpose, meaning they end up with job titles like 'cultural commentator' or 'muse' or 'intellectual'. Perhaps this is Peaches, who is no stranger to controversy: after all, in a moment of searing class critique she did once say that Trinny and Susannah are 'upper-class bitches'! Comrades, it's good to know that Peaches, heiress and frequent resident of the Mayfair hotel, is on our side.
And it's not the only astonishingly unqualified advice column out there, even though Peaches makes the thirty year long career of broadcasting vapidity that is the chief characteristic of Mariella Frostrup's experience, look like she's the fucking Professor Emeritus of the University of Life. Things Mariella Frostrup is good at: being blonde. Having a gravelly voice. Asking celebrities things like: 'How are you?'. At least Mariella at the Observer gives out good solid advice, mostly using the evidence of 'reading between the lines' to tell women that they are probably just fat, whining bores, and that he's not going to stop cheating on you if you look like a whale you know.
So looking at the featured question of this week's 'Peaches Teaches', a reader, who is not made up at all, asks: 'Do you have any tips and suggestions for what I should call my baby?'
As we can add 'unusual names' as one of the things Peaches is experienced in, we should listen to the advice. What does Peaches suggest? 'Why not buy one of those 'modern baby names' books, which have beautiful and unusual names.'
I look forward to the next captivating advice columns, where readers ask questions like: 'What clothes should I wear this season?' and Peaches replies 'Why not pick up one of those 'clothing catalogues', which have lots of beautiful clothes in them'. Or someone asks: 'What shall I do about my career?' and Peaches says 'Why not go to one of those 'career counsellors', which have lots of interesting careers for you.' Or: 'My boyfriend is cheating on me, what shall I do?' to which Peaches will reply 'Why not write to one of those 'magazines', which have advice columns in them ... oh, wait.'