learning to live - Dealing with Ducks
Fandom - Harry Potter
Pairing- Snape/Harry
Rating - PG 13
Summary - Snape goes up against his deadliest enemy yet - Muggle Technology!
Word Count - 1000
Disclaimer - Characters belong to the fabulous JK Rowling, I own nothing.
"Potter."
"Severus."
"There is a duck on the table."
"Fancy that."
"Potter, why is there a duck on the table?"
There was a pause.
"That is an excellent question."
"Thank you."
"You're welcome."
"Potter?"
"Yes?"
"WHY IS THERE A DUCK ON THE DINNER TABLE?" Snape blew a fuse.
"Sev, you don't have to shout! Honestly…"
"THESE ARE MY QUARTERS! I WILL SHOUT IF …"
"QUACK!"
"HOW DARE YOU INTERUPT ME, YOU CROW!"
"It didn't do anything!"
"IT INTERRUPTED ME!"
"It's not a big deal Sev!"
"THE WRETCHED CHICKEN INTERRUP…"
"QUACK!"
"COME BACK HERE, YOU BLASTED PIGEON! "
"SEV! Don't kill the duck! Sev!"
Soon, the orderly quarters were transformed into a whirlwind of chaos, curses and feathers as Snape chased the bird, Harry chased Snape and the bird ran around, dodging both Seeker and Potions Master.
"YOU LITTLE….."
"QUACK!"
"CEASE YOUR QUACKING, YOU INFERNAL PARROT!"
"QUACK!"
"I'LL GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO QUACK ABOUT!"
Suddenly the bird took flight and exited the chambers through an open window, but not before leaving behind a souvenir of his visit. Right on Snape's head.
"Sev. I'm so sorry …" Harry was doubled over, trying not o laugh, tears leaking out the corner of his eyes.
"Explain the duck."
"Oh. Well, Hermione loved the Golden Goose Story and Ron wanted to give her the duck as a present and I somehow wound up taking care of it until next week…." Harry trailed off at the murderous look on Snape's face and gulped nervously.
"Oh, come on, Sev, it's not that bad! I mean, look at the bright side! You don't have any excuse for not washing your hair!"
"I'm going to give you 5 seconds head start."
"Huh?"
"3 seconds."
"Yikes!" Harry took off running. Best to get away until Sev cooled off. He needed to find the duck too.
hpsshpsshpsshpsshpsshpsshpsshpsshpsshpsshpss
"Hey Sev, what are you doing?"
Snape, who had been poised over a cauldron, methodically adding ingredients to a simmering mixture, raised an eyebrow and gave him the infamous Snape glare.
"What does it look like I'm doing, brat?"
"It looks like you're making a potion."
"Your powers of observation never cease to astonish me."
Harry ignored that sarcastic remark and instead began to walk around Snape's potions lab, poking his nose into every nook and cranny. Snape paid him no heed, by now used to his young lover's constant curiosity. Most likely the inquisitive brat had gotten bored and wandered down to the dungeons. He probably wanted the attention of Hogwart's resident Potions Master.
But Snape wasn't going to fall for it this time. He was sick of being berated by Poppy about restocking her medicinal potions later than usual. The Haler had an uncanny knack of making the scary Severus Snape feel like a sniffling, snot-nosed First year.
After all, he could hardly tell the elderly school nurse that the real reason he wasn't submitting his potions as speedily as before was that the 21 year old Gryffindor staying in his quarters was indefatigable and needed to be entertained at all times, lest he go lookingfor trouble.
Well, he could, Snape thought with an evil grin, but he might give the poor, unsuspecting woman a heart attack. Especially if he described in detail howhe kept the boy occupied. That information, might even kill her outright.
Snape was brought out of his sinister musings (Of course they're sinister! What do you expect? He's a Slytherin! Who cares if the war is over?) by Harry who had opened his very distracting mouth.
"Quack?"
Snape narrowed his eyes at the boy. What in the name of Merlin?
"Quack?"
There he went again. Perhaps the boy had been confounded. His pupils weren't dilated. It had to be something else.
"Quack?"
That wretched parrot! It must have infected the boy with its weirdness. Harry was probably going to transform into a full blown bird in a couple of hours. Snape's mind went into overdrive, trying to make a list of cures. His brain failed him, turning up no such list.
"Sev, have you seen Quack?"
At lest the boy cold still form halfway coherent sentences. But even those trailed off into gibberish, chicken talk.
"Quack? Quack?"
Merlin, it was progressing. Hat could Snape do?
"Potter."
"Sev."
"Are you feeling all right?"
"Yes, I'm fine."
Harry looked at Snape, wondering what was wrong.
Snape looked at Harry, wondering what was wrong.
"So, about Quack?"
"Maybe you should go see Madam Pomfrey, Harry…."
"What? Why? I feel perfectly fine….Quack?"
"You are obviously not fine, Potter! What about those Quacks?"
"Quack? Quack!"
"See!"
"Yes, I do see Quack! There he is!"
"What?"
"Look Sev! Quack!"
"STOP MAKING THAT BLASTED SOUND!"
"What sound? Here Quack! Why are you yelling?"
"THAT SOUND! WHY ARE YOU QUACKING!"
"I'm not quacking!"
"YES YOU ARE! You KEEP SAYING…QUACK!"
"No! No, Quack, don't do that! Don't….."
But Harry's warning had come too late. The duck had appeared out of nowhere and dropped a little 'package' into Snape's potion. As soon as the poop came into contact with the bubbling liquid, the concoction exploded directly into Snape's face, coating him with a thick green slime.
"Oh no…"
"Indeed," Snape menacingly spoke, reaching up with one hand to wipe the slime off his face. He glared at the duck who had the nerve to perch itself on Harry's shoulder. Snape could have sworn that the blood chicken was laughing at him.
"Sev, stay calm, ok?"
"Calm?"
"Yes, calm."
"CALM?"
"Err...yes?"
"CALM! YOU WANT ME TO STAY CALM!"
"Sev!"
"I'M GOING TO KILL IT!"
"SEV! I won't let you hurt Quack!"
"MOVE!"
"Sev! Please! If you love me, you'll calm down."
After a few minutes…
"Wow, I didn't expect that to work. I love you too, Sev."
"QUACK!"
"THAT'S IT! AVADA…"
"SEV!"
"QUACK!"
Pairing- Snape/Harry
Rating - PG 13
Summary - Snape goes up against his deadliest enemy yet - Muggle Technology!
Word Count - 1000
Disclaimer - Characters belong to the fabulous JK Rowling, I own nothing.
"Potter."
"Severus."
"There is a duck on the table."
"Fancy that."
"Potter, why is there a duck on the table?"
There was a pause.
"That is an excellent question."
"Thank you."
"You're welcome."
"Potter?"
"Yes?"
"WHY IS THERE A DUCK ON THE DINNER TABLE?" Snape blew a fuse.
"Sev, you don't have to shout! Honestly…"
"THESE ARE MY QUARTERS! I WILL SHOUT IF …"
"QUACK!"
"HOW DARE YOU INTERUPT ME, YOU CROW!"
"It didn't do anything!"
"IT INTERRUPTED ME!"
"It's not a big deal Sev!"
"THE WRETCHED CHICKEN INTERRUP…"
"QUACK!"
"COME BACK HERE, YOU BLASTED PIGEON! "
"SEV! Don't kill the duck! Sev!"
Soon, the orderly quarters were transformed into a whirlwind of chaos, curses and feathers as Snape chased the bird, Harry chased Snape and the bird ran around, dodging both Seeker and Potions Master.
"YOU LITTLE….."
"QUACK!"
"CEASE YOUR QUACKING, YOU INFERNAL PARROT!"
"QUACK!"
"I'LL GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO QUACK ABOUT!"
Suddenly the bird took flight and exited the chambers through an open window, but not before leaving behind a souvenir of his visit. Right on Snape's head.
"Sev. I'm so sorry …" Harry was doubled over, trying not o laugh, tears leaking out the corner of his eyes.
"Explain the duck."
"Oh. Well, Hermione loved the Golden Goose Story and Ron wanted to give her the duck as a present and I somehow wound up taking care of it until next week…." Harry trailed off at the murderous look on Snape's face and gulped nervously.
"Oh, come on, Sev, it's not that bad! I mean, look at the bright side! You don't have any excuse for not washing your hair!"
"I'm going to give you 5 seconds head start."
"Huh?"
"3 seconds."
"Yikes!" Harry took off running. Best to get away until Sev cooled off. He needed to find the duck too.
hpsshpsshpsshpsshpsshpsshpsshpsshpsshpsshpss
"Hey Sev, what are you doing?"
Snape, who had been poised over a cauldron, methodically adding ingredients to a simmering mixture, raised an eyebrow and gave him the infamous Snape glare.
"What does it look like I'm doing, brat?"
"It looks like you're making a potion."
"Your powers of observation never cease to astonish me."
Harry ignored that sarcastic remark and instead began to walk around Snape's potions lab, poking his nose into every nook and cranny. Snape paid him no heed, by now used to his young lover's constant curiosity. Most likely the inquisitive brat had gotten bored and wandered down to the dungeons. He probably wanted the attention of Hogwart's resident Potions Master.
But Snape wasn't going to fall for it this time. He was sick of being berated by Poppy about restocking her medicinal potions later than usual. The Haler had an uncanny knack of making the scary Severus Snape feel like a sniffling, snot-nosed First year.
After all, he could hardly tell the elderly school nurse that the real reason he wasn't submitting his potions as speedily as before was that the 21 year old Gryffindor staying in his quarters was indefatigable and needed to be entertained at all times, lest he go lookingfor trouble.
Well, he could, Snape thought with an evil grin, but he might give the poor, unsuspecting woman a heart attack. Especially if he described in detail howhe kept the boy occupied. That information, might even kill her outright.
Snape was brought out of his sinister musings (Of course they're sinister! What do you expect? He's a Slytherin! Who cares if the war is over?) by Harry who had opened his very distracting mouth.
"Quack?"
Snape narrowed his eyes at the boy. What in the name of Merlin?
"Quack?"
There he went again. Perhaps the boy had been confounded. His pupils weren't dilated. It had to be something else.
"Quack?"
That wretched parrot! It must have infected the boy with its weirdness. Harry was probably going to transform into a full blown bird in a couple of hours. Snape's mind went into overdrive, trying to make a list of cures. His brain failed him, turning up no such list.
"Sev, have you seen Quack?"
At lest the boy cold still form halfway coherent sentences. But even those trailed off into gibberish, chicken talk.
"Quack? Quack?"
Merlin, it was progressing. Hat could Snape do?
"Potter."
"Sev."
"Are you feeling all right?"
"Yes, I'm fine."
Harry looked at Snape, wondering what was wrong.
Snape looked at Harry, wondering what was wrong.
"So, about Quack?"
"Maybe you should go see Madam Pomfrey, Harry…."
"What? Why? I feel perfectly fine….Quack?"
"You are obviously not fine, Potter! What about those Quacks?"
"Quack? Quack!"
"See!"
"Yes, I do see Quack! There he is!"
"What?"
"Look Sev! Quack!"
"STOP MAKING THAT BLASTED SOUND!"
"What sound? Here Quack! Why are you yelling?"
"THAT SOUND! WHY ARE YOU QUACKING!"
"I'm not quacking!"
"YES YOU ARE! You KEEP SAYING…QUACK!"
"No! No, Quack, don't do that! Don't….."
But Harry's warning had come too late. The duck had appeared out of nowhere and dropped a little 'package' into Snape's potion. As soon as the poop came into contact with the bubbling liquid, the concoction exploded directly into Snape's face, coating him with a thick green slime.
"Oh no…"
"Indeed," Snape menacingly spoke, reaching up with one hand to wipe the slime off his face. He glared at the duck who had the nerve to perch itself on Harry's shoulder. Snape could have sworn that the blood chicken was laughing at him.
"Sev, stay calm, ok?"
"Calm?"
"Yes, calm."
"CALM?"
"Err...yes?"
"CALM! YOU WANT ME TO STAY CALM!"
"Sev!"
"I'M GOING TO KILL IT!"
"SEV! I won't let you hurt Quack!"
"MOVE!"
"Sev! Please! If you love me, you'll calm down."
After a few minutes…
"Wow, I didn't expect that to work. I love you too, Sev."
"QUACK!"
"THAT'S IT! AVADA…"
"SEV!"
"QUACK!"