Going back.
The last time I went up to the high school, was on my birthday. It felt weird. And tonight was no different. I was moping around the house, looming on things that have been on my mind, and I'm talking to Laura online and she wants to know if I wanna go up and watch rehersal at the HS. I figure, ah why not. Bah. I'm an idiot, because if there is anything I REALLY miss about high school, its the show. Which includes the people, even if I hate some of them. But when you get out of HS, you get this awakening... some of it is awesome, some of it is not. And one thing thats been pretty much a slap, is shows. I never really realized how spoiled we are at JC when it comes to our shows. We have it good. Compared to other places, we have no idea the kind of blessing we have. So when you get outta HS after being in "beck/JC" shows, its a bit of a let down. So of course, I wanted to run up onstage all night. but I didn't. I sat with Laura, and we whinned about how we missed it. Dan Williams is really really good at his part. Alison and I have never really been all that close either but while her songs and all are really good, she doesn't always look very comfy. Maybe it's the costumes. But just like, watching, and walking around... I missed it. We went to the south during the break. Saw Andy Pregacz! He's such a cool kid. He's totally gonna break everyones heart someday though. You can just see it. Jerimiah came over and chatted...with my chest. Glad to see he hasn't changed much. We were walkin back, past the gym, and the lacrosse team was in there practicing...ugh... and I couldn't help but think of who I had seen at wegman's this weekend. It really kinda blows that I still think about him. I don't miss him, but I kinda wonder if he ever thinks about me at all. That was very weird when that ended. The painful truth of being used. Blah. Its weird, cuz he keeps showing up randomly in my dreams. BAH! But anyways...Saw Darren. He's still just... *sigh* Darren. AND Still didn't talk to him. I felt bad, like, he waved from far away but I didn't recognize him at all, so I just like nodded...I'm cool like that. Alex said hi to me. lol, how often does that happen. Who else. OH lord, Jimmy!!! I miss Jimmy like nobody's business. It was so good to see him. He's so adorable. Almost reminded me of waaaaay back in the day when like, we had that little attraction thing goin on. I just miss that dude. He rocks my socks. ha. Saw Mike Depersis, but due to some things Laura had told me earlier that day, the idea of talking to him didn't sit too well with me. But visiting...it felt very...weird. Laura and I kinda briefly talked about it. We felt kinda...unwanted. Like, that sounds stupid but it just seemed like no one really cared. How's that for great, yer outta high school for almost a year, and its like no one knows or cares bout ya anymore. The whole thing is just bizarre, to go back to something that was once so warm, comfy and welcome and just seeing how much parts have changed. The people stay mostly the same, personality wise. Some people get taller, some get thinner, cut their hair, dye their hair, but they're mainly the same inside. And yet, watching the show, I didn't even know 1/4 of the people onstage. And that number is only going to get bigger. Thats when I miss the music people I gradutated with. I missed it all. Ugh, now I'm listening to this song that reminds me of the show last year and its depressin me even more. I miss it!!! BLAH. Makes me think a lot about the boy of that moment too. Man... lol, the opportunity for that was so close, and now it doesn't even exsist. And whats up with thinkin about the other boy. Arg. I wish he'd seen me tonight. I wish I'd seen him. OR SOMETHING. idk, just goes to show that you really should just take things as they come to ya, and go for anything you want. Otherwise, you'll end up like me, sitting in a chair, typing in an online journal, and lookin at a program picture from a show a year ago. BLAH. good night.