Rants from da Mimi/Caroline
"I Just Wanna Live"
By Caroline Sheets
I’m not who you think I am. Really I’m not! I’ve never had a life of my own before. And I wont for a while. But “I just wanna live” and be “stronger than yesterday”. Cause life is defined as existence. I want to exist. I am by breathing right now, right here. But I want to live! To spend every moment not thinking “what will happen if I die tonight?”. I just want to know everything will be alright. To make way for more life after mine. To be kind to those around me. To yell when it is deserved, or rather state the same facts in a calm, cool voice. Raising it loudly may get the point across “loud and clear” but so can speaking calmly. They know your deadly serious then. But as I said, I am not who you think I am. You look at me and you see just a fourteen year old girl, with black and teal hair. Wearing a black shirt and snug fit jeans. Black and green socks and black Converses with checkered shoelaces. With small copper glasses that frame an averaged size face. With a body type that is average for her height of 5' 6" and a half! Not to big, but not small enough for a size eight. Is it fate that you do not see into my eyes of brown, green and a speck of blue, and see the true me? That when she looks down at her hands and sees the slender, long fingers, adorned with 3 rings and a single solitary blue bracelet on her left wrist. Not the kind of hands that plays her Flute and writes books, poems, stories and rambles. At that one solitary blue bracelet that spouts the word STRENGTH. That she wears it for reasons only known to her. Because she wishes she had more of just that. Strength of body, mind, and heart. As well as the Spirit she needs to succeed in life. To live!! To give someone, someday her heart and get theirs in return. That she yearns for the chance to look into their eyes and see their love so clear there that she leaps for joy! So that she wants to live with them for the rest of her mortal life and then some. To live each day as her last since there are only 26,280 days in the average life of 72 years. 630,720 hours. 37,843,200 minutes. 2,270,592,000 blasted seconds I have! And I. Just. Want. To. LIVE! And why can’t I? I have to spend 946,080,000 of those seconds sleeping, and the rest is all I have!1,324,512,000 seconds to do all that I want to do! What’s holding me back besides sleep? School, jobs, requirements of life like eating and using the restroom. Why can we not live like the Fae? Sure, they have no soul and are not granted passage to Heaven, so what? They live until they gradually fade away. Over 60 thousand years Before Christ is the oldest one! They live forever, no need for sleep or anything human. They take the shape that pleases them and they have no heart. No emotions. I’ll take everything but keep my soul, heart, and emotions. I’ll keep hate, love, grief and it all if I can just live!!! Will you permit me passage way to the Summerland? Even if my life is like the doldrums? Bored, and lazing about claiming there is nothing to do. There is a whole world out there waiting for you to taste, feel, see, hear and communicate with. To sense what lies beneath our pre-conspired thoughts. To be able to do all things said and repeated before. To live and die in anyway possible and to do it all in all ways. To have Love, Idiocy, Vanity, Extra-terrestrial lifestyle and senses! As I have said before, and I will say again, I want to live life to its fullest. Will you?
By Caroline Sheets
I’m not who you think I am. Really I’m not! I’ve never had a life of my own before. And I wont for a while. But “I just wanna live” and be “stronger than yesterday”. Cause life is defined as existence. I want to exist. I am by breathing right now, right here. But I want to live! To spend every moment not thinking “what will happen if I die tonight?”. I just want to know everything will be alright. To make way for more life after mine. To be kind to those around me. To yell when it is deserved, or rather state the same facts in a calm, cool voice. Raising it loudly may get the point across “loud and clear” but so can speaking calmly. They know your deadly serious then. But as I said, I am not who you think I am. You look at me and you see just a fourteen year old girl, with black and teal hair. Wearing a black shirt and snug fit jeans. Black and green socks and black Converses with checkered shoelaces. With small copper glasses that frame an averaged size face. With a body type that is average for her height of 5' 6" and a half! Not to big, but not small enough for a size eight. Is it fate that you do not see into my eyes of brown, green and a speck of blue, and see the true me? That when she looks down at her hands and sees the slender, long fingers, adorned with 3 rings and a single solitary blue bracelet on her left wrist. Not the kind of hands that plays her Flute and writes books, poems, stories and rambles. At that one solitary blue bracelet that spouts the word STRENGTH. That she wears it for reasons only known to her. Because she wishes she had more of just that. Strength of body, mind, and heart. As well as the Spirit she needs to succeed in life. To live!! To give someone, someday her heart and get theirs in return. That she yearns for the chance to look into their eyes and see their love so clear there that she leaps for joy! So that she wants to live with them for the rest of her mortal life and then some. To live each day as her last since there are only 26,280 days in the average life of 72 years. 630,720 hours. 37,843,200 minutes. 2,270,592,000 blasted seconds I have! And I. Just. Want. To. LIVE! And why can’t I? I have to spend 946,080,000 of those seconds sleeping, and the rest is all I have!1,324,512,000 seconds to do all that I want to do! What’s holding me back besides sleep? School, jobs, requirements of life like eating and using the restroom. Why can we not live like the Fae? Sure, they have no soul and are not granted passage to Heaven, so what? They live until they gradually fade away. Over 60 thousand years Before Christ is the oldest one! They live forever, no need for sleep or anything human. They take the shape that pleases them and they have no heart. No emotions. I’ll take everything but keep my soul, heart, and emotions. I’ll keep hate, love, grief and it all if I can just live!!! Will you permit me passage way to the Summerland? Even if my life is like the doldrums? Bored, and lazing about claiming there is nothing to do. There is a whole world out there waiting for you to taste, feel, see, hear and communicate with. To sense what lies beneath our pre-conspired thoughts. To be able to do all things said and repeated before. To live and die in anyway possible and to do it all in all ways. To have Love, Idiocy, Vanity, Extra-terrestrial lifestyle and senses! As I have said before, and I will say again, I want to live life to its fullest. Will you?