New!
I'M EIGHTEEN!!!! ^_^
A fresh start, a new year and a big kick up the posterior for legal adulthood!
No, I haven't bought any booze yet, I've promised dad I'll buy him a pint (sooo tacky I know but what the hell, it means a lot to him ^_^), still not planning on getting a mortgage, or credit card, or a husband just yet (thank god) and I still feel about the same as I was a fortnight ago.
However, the difference between now and twelve months ago is astounding. I think for everybody, 2010 was a year of epic highs and epic lows and I was no exception. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times XD
However, in these past few months I feel I've come to a kind of plateau. I know, life being what it is, that it probably won't last but I am really enjoying these moments.
I'm acutely aware that I haven't updated this journal for quite a while and you wanna know why… because I'm happy. I know, smug bitch I may well be, but y'know what I deserve it XD
I don't know whether its the newfound control I have over things, the masses of wonderful novels, films, autobiographies and TV shows I've been eating up recently, or the new changes to my personality that I've experienced, but I've hit a purple patch. All of a sudden things seem a lot more clear to me about what I am and what I want to be. I've got a more clear idea of what it is I respect in people and what I don't like. Probably the most shocking outcome of this is that friends whom I'd always valued before have begun to seem more and more shallow, fickle and narrow minded. People who I used to think of as mild and conservative now seem volatile, aggressively indifferent, and especially two faced. It has come as a shock to the system; this new light I'm seeing things in, but I welcome it, I've needed a new set of colours for a while.
The other day, on my birthday, I went up for a walk along the heath and for the first time in ages, I took a path I've never taken before. The day was damp, spongy, full sun and breezes. It was absolutely glorious! I checked I was alone and then did a bit of a jig! ^^
For ages now I've been becoming more and more aware of how dead my childhood is to me now. Things came to a head in the past year, when I was so unhappy I was with myself. Then in the past three months I have been going back to my core and uprooting all the habits and pretence I've been hoarding. It's been tricky, back in October I had a few weeks where I felt so completely stymied that I wanted everything just to stop turning. But I hope it was worth it in the end. I definitely believe I've come to a new level of definition in my personality. I'm finding myself far more confident that I used to be, I can talk to strangers with confidence and I'm more outward going with friends.
In general, life's looking up for the mo. I've just gotta keep going as I am until I gat into uni, then I can concentrate on the stuff I wanna do ^_^
Thanks for bearing with me.
DISCLAIMER: If you're reading this then you are defo not one of the folks I've gone off recently, I-love-yuuu ^w^
A fresh start, a new year and a big kick up the posterior for legal adulthood!
No, I haven't bought any booze yet, I've promised dad I'll buy him a pint (sooo tacky I know but what the hell, it means a lot to him ^_^), still not planning on getting a mortgage, or credit card, or a husband just yet (thank god) and I still feel about the same as I was a fortnight ago.
However, the difference between now and twelve months ago is astounding. I think for everybody, 2010 was a year of epic highs and epic lows and I was no exception. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times XD
However, in these past few months I feel I've come to a kind of plateau. I know, life being what it is, that it probably won't last but I am really enjoying these moments.
I'm acutely aware that I haven't updated this journal for quite a while and you wanna know why… because I'm happy. I know, smug bitch I may well be, but y'know what I deserve it XD
I don't know whether its the newfound control I have over things, the masses of wonderful novels, films, autobiographies and TV shows I've been eating up recently, or the new changes to my personality that I've experienced, but I've hit a purple patch. All of a sudden things seem a lot more clear to me about what I am and what I want to be. I've got a more clear idea of what it is I respect in people and what I don't like. Probably the most shocking outcome of this is that friends whom I'd always valued before have begun to seem more and more shallow, fickle and narrow minded. People who I used to think of as mild and conservative now seem volatile, aggressively indifferent, and especially two faced. It has come as a shock to the system; this new light I'm seeing things in, but I welcome it, I've needed a new set of colours for a while.
The other day, on my birthday, I went up for a walk along the heath and for the first time in ages, I took a path I've never taken before. The day was damp, spongy, full sun and breezes. It was absolutely glorious! I checked I was alone and then did a bit of a jig! ^^
For ages now I've been becoming more and more aware of how dead my childhood is to me now. Things came to a head in the past year, when I was so unhappy I was with myself. Then in the past three months I have been going back to my core and uprooting all the habits and pretence I've been hoarding. It's been tricky, back in October I had a few weeks where I felt so completely stymied that I wanted everything just to stop turning. But I hope it was worth it in the end. I definitely believe I've come to a new level of definition in my personality. I'm finding myself far more confident that I used to be, I can talk to strangers with confidence and I'm more outward going with friends.
In general, life's looking up for the mo. I've just gotta keep going as I am until I gat into uni, then I can concentrate on the stuff I wanna do ^_^
Thanks for bearing with me.
DISCLAIMER: If you're reading this then you are defo not one of the folks I've gone off recently, I-love-yuuu ^w^